The Insanity That is Me

Hubby...I love you...

2012-01-03T18:05:00.000-08:00

"...Seven months ago, my wife had a catastrophic stroke. Until today, for all my alleged training and fondness for ornaments of rhetorical pretension, I have thus far utterly failed in my efforts to successfully articulate the series of events that have since surrounded us. After a great deal of thought, I have narrowed the field down to two similes that I feel most adequately frame our dual semiotic crises. The stroke has left her permanently debilitated, and she and I have since learned to communicate using a propriety language and dialect we have created together. As I understand it, according to my wife, having a stroke is “like” gaslighting.

It took many months, but a few of the memories from before her stroke—and even a very few from immediately after—have slowly come back to her in fragments. She reports that the stroke itself was painless, as it was accompanied by the cursed blessing of a coma. When the victim awakes, the damage has already been done. The stroke is a thief and a destroyer: it primarily robbed from her mind the very cogs in the engine of linguistic transmission. However, what many people don’t realize about my wife is that the stoke—while in the process of firebombing her brain—also encountered several others non-linguistic gears: the stroke affected her “super-ego,” her muscle memories (writing, chopping vegetables, brushing teeth, etc.), and the very specific cognitive gear of self-awareness that would allow her to perceive her impairment. Each of these things were not stolen outright, but they were instead blown into a million fucking pieces.

For Julie, this meant that the stroke was not at all, like most people thought, some traumatic event that could be grieved, but instead it was a mysterious, waking nightmare that she could not escape from. By the time she was helicoptered to the hospital and began to recover from her sedation and coma, Julie was now, neurologically speaking, literally incapable of understanding why she was being detained. Her first memory of the University of Utah is one of demanding to know why she was in bed and why they would not let go. At this point, she had no ability to realize that she could not speak, even as she was in the very act of trying to do so: words still came freely to her mind, but as she tried to send the words down to her lips, she could not perceive—even while it was being pointed out to her—that there was nothing was coming out. Without a functional super-ego to stop her, or the ability to identify the nature of her situation, for the first few days Julie would repeatedly tear off her hospital gown in confused frustration, try to rip the IVs and electrodes from her arms and chest, and she would then attempt to escape naked from the ICU in angry defiance of her captors. This was still before she could even yet walk unassisted. I had to tackle her numerous times and pin her down until I could call for reinforcements, after which the nurses would swarm in and once again sedate her.

As Julie began to recompile a new persona, she began in-patient rehabilitation via speech, occupational, and physical therapy routines. However, even as she would engage in rehabilitative therapy, her tunnel of reality at this point was still entirely incapable of fathoming answers to any of the following questions: Why was she was in the hospital? Why are the nurses asking her all these questions? Why were they asking her to demonstrate if she could hold a baby in her arms? Why can’t she have a hamburger? Why could she not communicate to anyone? Why was she having trouble reading? Why was she was not allowed to see her two-month old babies? How long is she going to be stuck her?

I stayed with her night and day until she began to adapt and feel at least somewhat comfortable with life in the hospital. It took, I am guessing, more than 100 separate attempts over the course of about a month for me to finally, successfully explain to Julie that she had indeed suffered a stroke and convince her in some part of the nature of her new disability. This devastating revelation, once it finally hit home, was certainly not welcome. However, until that moment of cruelest epiphany, even a month after her stroke, the world she had perceived up until then was one of perpetual confusion, isolation, fear, and gaslighting.

As for myself, the simile I have come to settle on, at least for today, is this: watching your 29-year old wife suffer and slowly recover from an entirely preventable, massive stroke after giving birth to your first children—your twin boys—due to the repeated and utter incompetence of no less than a handful of lazy, negligent, and perhaps downright malevolent medical personnel is somewhat “like” the scene from Alien where John Hurt explores the mysterious derelict spaceship, but my sordid tale is not one that ought to be posted here..."

Sentence Builder 1

2011-10-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

1. They are jumping on the bed.

2. Those bears ard kissing.

3. Those elephants are pink.

4. There are two sharks.

5. Their noses are long.

6. He is petting his cow.

7. She has a scarf.

8. Those sheep are dancing.

9. He has a big carrot.

10. He has two cars.

Yeah.

testing...one..two...three...

2011-09-18T13:13:00.000-07:00

I HATE having a stroke. I am glad I am not dead, but the stroke makes everything very hard. I can't type yet without help, but I am learning.

Thank you to everyone that has helped and written me. I wish I could write back.

Bye. I will write more soon. :-)

New Videos

2011-08-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

Hello

2011-06-02T12:15:00.001-07:00

Hi. I am home. I am glad to be back. Jacob is helping me write this.

Back to Work

2011-05-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

I learned something today...6 weeks is a LOT longer when you're pregnant than when you're not. When I found out I was pregnant and decided how much maternity leave I wanted to take, 6 weeks sounded like more than enough. I had my babies and it seemed like I wouldn't have to come back to work forever.

And yet, here I am.

At first it was fun...I got to catch up w/my co-workers and meet a lot of new people who were hired while I was gone. But now, 5 hours into my shift, I seriously don't wanna be here any more.

Maybe it's because I'm worried about the babies behaving for Jacob (he said it took them a really long time to go to sleep tonight, sigh), maybe it's because I have a lot of stuff to catch up on which I'm not super excited about (I had almost 300 emails in my inbox...), maybe it's because I'm EXHAUSTED (that is another story in itself...I've been sick for over a month now with what turned out to be bronchitis...problem is I didn't do anything about it until it got so bad that I physically became unable to breathe while laying down, which of course made sleep literally impossible. I haven't gotten more than 3 consecutive hrs of sleep...no exaggeration...in 2 weeks)...it's surely a combination of all those things. But I really do NOT want to be here.

I genuinely thought that I would be excited to have an aspect of my life that's not 100% about babies because let's be honest, I love my kids more than I can describe but it is difficult to be in baby land all the time, but at this moment I would rather be elbow deep in poo and spit up (um, thanks for that imagery, Julie!) than here taking phone calls and trying to prioritize my to do list (which eventually ended up with me blogging...yeah, that makes sense). And working is not the only way to keep one of my feet in the "adult world." Just saying.

It's only my first day back, I should probably give it some time.

The REALLY bad part is that I don't TECHNICALLY have to be here. Jacob got a new job right after I had the twins (which was awesome but super stressful for him, poor guy) and his salary is enough that I honestly don't have to work. We also qualify for health insurance as of his hire date, so that resolves the other reason I needed to come back. Then again, it would probably be prudent to hang on to this job...the company that hired Jacob is really new and not profitable so there's a bit of risk involved as far as stability is concerned. So we could fall back on this job for income if Jacob's company doesn't stay afloat.

But right now I don't wanna.

Hopefully it gets better soon. Or maybe we'll decide it's better for everyone if I quit. Perhaps we should consult the Magic 8 ball...?

In other news, I started to write a review of Scream 4 but I don't think I'll be finishing it so let me state that first off, Jacob is awesome b/c he insists I get out of the house every so often to do something fun, and since I'm weird and like seeing movies by myself that's what I do. Jacob is the best. And secondly, I enjoy the Scream movies because I like their commentary on the horror/slasher genre. Scream 4 did not disappoint. If you recall my post from a while back lamenting screenwriters and directors' departure from the slasher film moral code...well, this movie addresses that very thing with witty and intellgent banter, and that's something I greatly appreciate. So long story short, I recommend Scream 4. It would be a way better use of your time than Insidious, which I also saw...which totally sucked (you don't even know what movie I'm talking about, I bet, since it was so awful and did horribly in theaters).

Ok. That is all for now. Until next time...bye.

All is Right in Our World...

2011-04-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

...now that our sweet baby Jaxon is out of the hospital and home with us where he belongs. :-)

On Thursday morning the pediatrician called and said he could come home on Friday as long as I could come spend the night with him in the hospital so I could get used to all his equipment. He's on oxygen and a heart monitor, so I had to go learn how to use all that stuff. So I spent Thursday night in a hospital room w/him, then I got to take him home yesterday just in time for his 2 week doctor's appointment (which included his circumcision, poor guy). Doc says hopefully he'll be able to go off the oxygen in a couple of weeks.

So yeah, my kid is adorable, as is his brother (who is already a whopping 6 lbs 9 oz...Jaxon is 5 lbs 7 oz)...

We have them sleeping in their pack 'n play for now, which works out pretty well. They've been pretty good to us as far as sleep is concerned...we get up every few hours to feed them and then put them back down and they usually go right back to sleep. We've been pretty lucky I think, I'm still pretty sleep-deprived but I think considering the fact that I'm a first time mom with twins, being able to get a few hours of sleep here and there is the most I can hope for so I won't complain.

Anyway, there's the happy update for you all. I'm sure I will be posting more pics soon as well as getting back to ranting and raving about something other than how much I'm sick of being pregnant (haha for the record, I LOVE not being pregnant...I'm already back in my pre-pregnancy pants and I can wear shoes again!!).

Love you all. :-)

Yup, I'm Alive...Kinda

2011-03-24T21:39:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to post a brief update before you all write me off as being dead...

My blood pressure spiked even more last Friday so my gyno decided to induce me that day...was admitted to the hospital around 1pm, doc broke my water at 3pm, got my epidural (the first time...took them 3 times to get it in) at 4pm, then again at 7pm (they had to take it out b/c it was only working on one side, took them another 3 tries to get it back in but it actually worked after all that), was wheeled back to the OR at 10pm (I didn't have a c-section, it's standard procedure to deliver twins in an OR in case something goes wrong), and after a grand total of 15 minutes of pushing both babies were born. Jameson Michael was 5lbs 8oz and Jaxon Gregory was 4lbs 11oz.

We were told that aside from a small issue with their blood sugar levels both were fine...but then the next day we were told that the blood sugar issue had resolved but they were having trouble maintaining a high enough body temp due to being so small and not being able to eat enough.

Long story short, I was discharged on Sunday, Jameson was discharged on Monday, and Jaxon is still in the hospital...he still isn't eating enough to maintain his body temp so they have him on a feeding tube. So right now we're adjusting to having a new baby at home while having another one in the hospital, and it's not easy. We can't go visit him at the same time b/c we can't bring Jameson w/us now that he's been discharged. So I go every day by myself for his 4:00 feeding and Jacob stays home w/Jameson. It literally breaks my heart that I can't be with him all the time...and I feel horribly guilty that I can only see him for an hour a day. But he has a 24 hr nursing staff caring for him and Jameson only has Jacob and I, so that's what I have to do most of the time. Not that I don't love caring for Jameson, he's been a really good baby so far...I just want BOTH my sons home so very desperately.

Hopefully Jaxon will get to come home soon...he has been gaining weight, as of today he's 4lbs 13oz so hopefully he will be big enough soon to use his calories to continue growing instead of solely to keep warm. The nurse told me in her opinion he could probably come home this weekend or Monday, but of course it's completely up to the doctor.

So that's why I've been silent lately...I can't even think about it without crying so I'm really not up for talking. Thank you for all the phone calls, texts, facebook comments, etc. We're holding off on posting a lot of pics until both babies are home...but here are a few we took in the hospital. :-)

So...I promise we will post a bunch once everyone's home safe and sound. In the meantime, thanks again for all your concern, it does mean a LOT to me and I'm sorry I haven't been better about expressing my gratitude. Love you all.

Probably the Last Ones...

2011-03-13T15:18:00.000-07:00

Hi friends...

Here are the most recent belly pics (yes Cajsa my dear, these are mainly for you)...I had Jacob take a couple the other night and another one today. These will probably be the last ones I post since even though I'm no longer scheduled for an induction this week, I will have them for sure by the 31st (my doctor doesn't let his twin moms go past 38 weeks)...which is obviously later than I'd like but not too awful...and then I can post pics of them instead. :-)

So here you have it...the belly at 35 weeks...

Yeah, the grey striped shirt does a better job of making the belly look smaller than it actually is...don't know if you can tell much, but they've dropped a bit...which I hope means that maybe they're planning on coming soon.

I think this is my "I'm sooooooooooooo ready to be done" expression haha.

I was going to post pics of my swollen feet as well, but I don't want to scare anyone...seriously, I don't. Can't wait for them to be back to their normal size (so I can wear my shoes again). :-)

So yeah, there you have it. I'll keep you posted on if they decide to induce me on the 24th (I hope I hope I hope) and of course I'll let y'all know once the boys are here...and thanks to all for your encouraging comments and kind words. I know my posts have been super whiny lately. Hopefully there won't be any more of those from now on...

The Perinatologist is a Sadist

2011-03-09T19:50:00.000-08:00

So...went to the hospital today for my follow up appt w/the perinatologist. Except it wasn't the same Dr. I saw last time, it was a new perinatologist who told me that despite what the other one said, she doesn't think I need to deliver at 36 weeks...she actually doesn't know when I should, but she'll recommend to my gyno to have me come back in 2 weeks and "we'll go from there."

Um...pardon me...we'll go from there????? You guys give me a date, snatch it away and don't even give me any idea of what the new date could be?? WTF.

So scratch the 17th, that ain't happening. Unless by the good graces of the universe I go into labor on my own. I could. I'm not counting on it.

I will do what's best for the babies but quite frankly I'm beyond exhausted, I'm in pain, my ankles and feet are constantly swollen no matter what I do, I'm moody (really Julie? We couldn't tell...), I'm reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaally sick of going to the hospital almost daily to be monitored and I hate the fact that we planned everything around that date (which...yes, probably shouldn't have done that but I really didn't think they'd change it on me) and now I'm left with no game plan. I need a game plan. I don't do well with "let's wait and see." There was a light at the end of the tunnel and while it's still there, it got a lot smaller today. Lights at the end of tunnels aren't supposed to do that.

And I feel like a bad mom because I feel like I'm being selfish and should be happy that the babies will be cooking a little longer instead of being devastated that they won't be here as soon as I thought they would (and please...please...nobody tell me the longer they're in me the better and this will help them avoid the NICU, etc. I am very aware of these things, I am. Which is part of why I feel so guilty about being sad that they're pushing the induction back).

Stupid perinatologist...I don't want to come see you in 2 more weeks, I want to have my babies.

My next gyno appt is on Tuesday, I'm going to see what he thinks about letting me be induced at 37 weeks (which is full term). If he says no, then I will be a good pregnant lady and go back to see the sadist for her expert opinion on the matter. If he says yes, then SCREW THAT.

And now...since I feel really awful about the last few posts being so negative, here is something I found on the "WIN" section of failblog so I can end on a slightly amusing note. :-)

see more funny videos, and check out our Insanity Wolf lols!

Seclusion

2011-03-07T20:52:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone.

There are missed calls that haven't been returned, voicemails I haven't even listened to, and emails I haven't answered. I'm still here, I'm still alive, I'm just not really fit for human contact at the present time. I sincerely apologize to all those I've neglected.

The past 2 weeks have been a roller coaster. While the complication of one of the babies being too small is fairly common for twins and somewhat minor, it has led to almost daily doctor's appointments and visits to the hospital for monitoring which have proven to be surprisingly draining for me. One day everything will be fine, the next I'll be laying on the hospital bed sipping Sprite and watching TV when several nurses burst into the room to have me change positions every which way while barking things like, "Page her doctor, prep the OR" at each other which leave me wondering what the hell is going on...until they've stared at the computer screen next to me for a few minutes and declared it was a false alarm.

So, between stuff like that and dragging my butt to work every day, I am exhausted and on edge and don't have any desire to talk to anyone until this is all over.

I'm not throwing myself a pity party, this is what I signed up for and I know that I'm lucky...as far as high risk pregnancies go, I've barely touched the tip of the iceburg when it comes to potential complications. I just wanted to provide an explanation for my lack of contact and also give a heads up cuz it's not going to change until after the boys are born and have been given a clean bill of health.

It will all happen soon enough though...9 days left (SINGLE DIGITS!) unless I go into labor before then (which is entirely possible since I'm now officially 3 cm dilated and contracting...not regularly, but that can always change). I'll try not to write any more less than happy posts...and I'll try to get one more belly pic up for y'all too (it's HUGE haha). In the meantime, please know that your friendship doesn't go unnoticed or unappreciated. I'm just focusing all my energy on making it through the rest of the pregnancy. :-)

Happier News

2011-03-01T20:15:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I'm fairly certain that my next several posts are going to be primarily baby-related...mainly because that's basically the focus of our entire life right now. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll get back to ranting about movies, politics and other stuff in no time. :-)

Anyhoo, I just wanted to post briefly with the latest update as far as the twins are concerned. I went to the hospital again yesterday for another non-stress test, and both babies are looking good. Baby B's heartrate was strong and fast, and it didn't dip down like it did last time. Baby A fell asleep so it took a bit longer for his heartrate to spike the way they wanted it to, but after they "buzzed" him (the buzzer is this little thing they put on my belly...it doesn't vibrate or anything, it just makes a buzzing noise and it woke him right up...pissed him off a little bit too, I'd say haha) he cooperated and I was able to go home after about an hour and a half of monitoring as opposed to the four hours I was there last time.

I went to my regular gyno appointment today...they checked me and I'm still dilated 2-3 cm...and they scheduled my induction for St. Patrick's day. :-) Not sure what time yet, and this isn't 100% set in stone...I have another appointment with the perinatologist next week and if he still thinks they need to come out at 36 weeks we'll keep that date. But if he feels it's ok they might try to push it back one more week, which would mean I'll be induced on the 24th (unless of course, I go into labor on my own in which case they told me at this point they won't try to stop it). Half of me says yes, keep them in there as long as possible...the other half of me says PLEASE GET THEM OUT! Haha but either way it goes down, we're excited that it's so close. My shower was last Saturday and we were very lucky to receive lots of very generous gifts...we're feeling confident that as far as "baby stuff" is concerned, we're pretty prepared.

So yeah, there you go. :-) Hopefully the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly and we don't have any more scares...and as usual, I'll keep you all posted.

Not a super happy update, but an update nonetheless...

2011-02-23T19:20:00.001-08:00

I'm getting a wee bit tired of talking about this (it's only been a day but word travels fast), so I decided to blog about it so I don't have to keep telling the story.

Yesterday I went to the doctor for what I thought would be a routine visit...it had been 4 weeks since my last ultrasound so they did another one to check on the twins. Baby B has always measured smaller than Baby A (who is measuring right on track and has been the entire pregnancy), but apparently his rate of growth has slowed down quite a bit as of late and now he's measuring too small...as in, 25-30% smaller than he should be. The doctor very calmly told me that he was sending me to the hospital for a non-stress test (that's not out of the ordinary, most every pregnant woman gets to do those) and making me an appointment with the perinatologist to have him check on the situation. I did my best not to freak out as I waited for the appointments to be made, then I drove myself to the hospital (Jacob was working...I didn't want to ask him to leave as I wasn't sure exactly what was going on yet).

Once I got to the hospital, they took me back to labor & delivery where the nurse hooked me up to monitors for both the babies' heartbeats and another one for contractions. As I watched the printout from the machine, the nurse pointed out to me that I was having contractions...which took me by surprise, because I'd never felt anything that even closely resembled a contraction. But then a few minutes later the nurse became concerned b/c they were 4 minutes apart and seemed to be increasing in strength. Weird, right? She brought me some water and OJ in case they were being caused by dehydration. That didn't seem to change anything, and the contractions actually got strong enough that I was able to feel and start to become fairly uncomfortable by them. She then called my doctor, who had her give me a shot of something or other...and that stopped the contractions, thank goodness. Then she gave me a fetal fibronectin test, which (for those of you who don't know) was basically to determine whether or not I was in ACTUAL labor. She also checked my cervix, turns out I'm dilated to just over a 2...which isn't too big of a deal, a lot of women will dilate a little bit and walk around that way for weeks before they go into actual labor. But it was still pretty surprising to me.

Fortunately, the FFN test came back negative, but they were concerned because Baby B's heart rate wasn't being QUITE as consistent as they would have liked...it was dipping a little low from time to time. So they sent me to radiology for another ultrasound to check the fluid around the babies. Baby A has a good amount of fluid, of course, and while Baby B has what's considered to be a "normal" amount of fluid, he's on the low end of normal which is also cause for concern.

Anyway, after that I went back to L&D where they called my doctor again, and he said I was free to leave but to be sure to not miss my appointment w/the perinatologist (who is only in the hospital on Wednesdays, so I didn't see him yesterday). All in all I was in the hospital for 4 hours...FUN.

I went to work, but needless to say I was kind of a wreck so my boss was nice enough to let me go home...which was better than being at work, but still not awesome because it was a very worrisome day and I was going to be upset no matter where I was. I must say, if I'm this worried about my kids before they're even born, I can't imagine what the worry will be like once they're actually here. I might be kinda screwed.

Anyhoo, fast forward to today...after a night of basically no sleep, I headed over to the hospital for my appointment with the perinatologist. Jacob was able to join me this time, which was nice. Once they called us back, the ultrasound tech gave me the most detailed ultrasound I've had to date...she measured practically EVERYTHING on the babies (that's not a complaint), and then the doctor came in and measured the few things she hadn't. He didn't seem overly alarmed, but was very adamant that I be on alert for any decrease in activity (done and done), and now I get to go to the hospital a few times a week for more non-stress tests, I'm to see my gyno every week (which they wanted me to do anyway), and then see the perinatologist again in 2 weeks. He also said the boys will need to be delivered no later than 36 weeks (I'll hit the 36 week mark 3 weeks from tomorrow, in case anyone was wondering), unless they find something else that gives them cause for alarm, in which case they'll probably deliver the boys even earlier.

Soooooo...that is the most current update I have. I'm feeling slightly less panicked, but it's still not a happy situation, obviously. I'm super grateful that they're monitoring me so closely (although I have a feeling I'm going to be REALLY sick of the hospital by the time this is all said and done), and my brain tells me everything is going to work out fine. Once I can convince my heart of that, we'll be good to go. I know it sounds cliche, but HONESTLY, all I want is for both of my boys to be healthy and happy.

I'll keep you all posted.

A Rant...by Julie

2011-02-10T19:02:00.000-08:00

So...it's surely just the pregnancy hormones (gotta play that card while I still have it...only 7 weeks left!!!), but I have been feeling a little down in the dumps lately about the world. The whole world. Ok, not really (uh, can we say drama queen?? Sheesh.). But I feel like a lot of people are being extra stupid lately.

FOR EXAMPLE....

Here are some things I personally feel no one should ever say to a pregnant person:
#1-"You're waddling!" Yes, thank you for emphasizing that the way I walk rather closely resembles that of a penguin. I really needed you to point that out, because I wasn't sure anyone else was noticing it as much as I am.

#2-"Your belly is REALLY sticking out now!" Well, believe it or not, other than what I can see in the mirror, the fact that I can no longer put on pants without faceplanting, bending over to pick things up makes me want to cry, tying shoelaces is next to impossible, getting off the couch requires a rather large amount of loud grunting and my back is constantly aching has made that very apparent to me. So in other words, yes, I've noticed.

#3-(While pointing at my formerly an "inny" and now very much an "outie" belly button) "Oh look, you're almost done!" DO I LOOK LIKE AN EFFING TURKEY TO YOU??????

Good times friends, good times.

Then we have work (WHY did I decide to work right up until I go into labor?? Oh yeah, that's right, money and health insurance. Silly me!). While there are plenty of jerks in this country who think it's a stellar idea to call and yell at people in an attempt to get their own way, I feel like my calls have been extra crazy/stupid lately. Usually this happens when it's a full moon (I'm actually not kidding about that one, I swear we get more psycho calls during a full moon than at any other time), but the next full moon isn't until February 18th so I feel like this is a bit premature. But here are some of the calls I've been dealing with in the past few days:
-Man calls in to try to cancel his mother's acct, is escalated to my team lead (each supervisor has a team lead to assist them as well as take escalated calls), who listens to his concerns and does her best to seriously respond to each one of them (she sits right next to me, so I can hear everything she's saying). Somehow he gets it into his head that she's laughing at him, and demands that she stop. She assures him she is in no way laughing at him. He continues to accuse her of giggling and then tells her he wants to speak to her manager, so the call comes to me. I take it, I listen, I respond almost exactly the same way she did (actually, I almost do laugh at one point b/c he keeps saying "this is riddikulus" and I have to resist the urge to ask him if he needs to banish any Boggarts...), and he tells me how nice is it to be taken seriously and not laughed at.

-Man calls in, wants to cancel prior to the end of his contract, is told the penalty for doing so (which is a pretty hefty monetary sum), doesn't like it...so he hangs up. Then he has his DAD call in to talk to us. Mind you, I have access to his DOB and this guy is 35 years old. Apparently you're never too old to have Daddy try to help get you out of the things you don't want to take responsibility for. Dad wants to speak to a manager, and I once again get the call. Dad proceeds to tell me that even though his son admits to not reading the contract before or after signing it, we need to cancel the acct w/out penalty because "it's just not fair." And that's his ONLY reason. Please sir, take that to a court of law and see what the judge tells you.

And, last but not least, my "favorite" call of the week...
-Lady calls in, gets mad at the agent she's speaking to, asks to speak to a manager. I get the call. Somehow before she's transferred to me, something gets lost in translation so she thinks she's going to be speaking to a different manager whose name sounds kind of similar to mine. Because she is speaking to me and not the other person, she becomes convinced that the other person DOESN'T EXIST. I then spend a good portion of the call assuring her that the other person does indeed exist as I do work with him on a regular basis, he is just out of the office today. She is no longer interested in talking about the original issue she called to discuss, she just wants to focus on the fact that we claim to be working with someone she thinks isn't real.

See what I mean? Crazies, all of them.

And then...we have ME. I think I am annoying myself more than any of this other stuff annoys me. I am so moody and emotional (I'll cry at just about anything nowadays) and despite my best efforts I usually fail when it comes to remaining in control of what I say. For example, tonight at work an agent from another department came and lectured one of my agents on one of our policies (which he was TOTALLY wrong about, may I add). He was super rude about it, and when my agent tried to say something the other guy interrupted him and said "I'm not done" and then continued w/his lecture. I was LIVID and told the other guy to get back to his own department and if he has a complaint about something in our department he needs to follow the proper chain of command to report it because he's not a manager and has no right to talk to my agent that way. Then a couple hrs later that same agent (my agent, not the guy from another dept) asked me a question about an account and when I was answering he interrupted me to point something out and what did I do? Without even thinking I said, "I know that, but you need to let me finish" and continued w/my answer. So yeah, he interrupted me but I didn't have to be all bitchy about it! GEEZ. I did apologize to him, but then I was all annoyed with myself for doing the exact same thing I'd been so pissed at the other guy for doing earlier. I mean, talk about hypocritical.

Oy. Rant over.

To conclude on a happy note that has absolutely nothing to do with any of this, I would like to say that I found enough energy to cook chicken enchiladas today and they were really, really, delicious...if I do say so myself. They were so tasty I think Jacob probably ate the rest of them so it's a good thing I managed to scarf down a couple before coming to work. :-)

The end.

Dear Fox News...

2011-02-07T18:12:00.000-08:00

...Iraq called, they would like their place on the map back.

Oh, how I love failblog. :-)

The Camera Adds 10 Pounds, Right???

2011-01-31T21:45:00.000-08:00

Well kids, as much as I enjoy writing about exorcism and Satanic cults I decided I should post an update about how things are going in pregnancy land (this is for you, Cajsa my dear). I was looking at the other belly pics we've taken and can't believe how big I thought I was because the belly in those pics ain't got nothin' on this beauty. This is probably the ugliest pic of me so far but Jacob is sleeping and I had to use the timer on my camera and I'm too tired to find way to angle it so that I'd look decent. Plus I just really, really don't look awesome these days. Anyway, here you go...here's the belly at almost 30 weeks:

Um, yes, I am gigantic and I'm starting to feel less like a cow and more like a whale...a whale that waddles haha. Surprisingly, I've only gained about 21 pounds so far...and from what I can tell, most of it's belly...a bit in my face and neck, but mostly it's all in my tummy region. At my last appointment my belly was measuring the same size as a woman carrying 1 baby at 34 weeks, and I'm sure it's bigger now.

The further along I get the more amazed I am that women manage to do this more than once (our plan is to not get pregnant again...honestly we can't afford another round of in vitro and we're perfectly happy with 2 kids). I am exhausted because sleeping is a joke and there are a lot of aches and pains I didn't anticipate...my back is killing me (ironically, only when I sit down, if I'm standing it doesn't hurt) and my thigh muscles are really, really sore. And don't even get me started about how much it hurts when my son decides to nestle himself up inside my ribcage. ;-) Everyone tells me it's worse for me because I'm carrying 2 babies so I'm already bigger than some women ever get, and I won't lie, it is a challenge. I can't imagine doing this multiple times and think it would be so hard to be pregnant and have your other kids to take care of, I'm so grateful that I can sit and put my feet up when I need to and not have to worry about anything. So kudos to you, non-first time moms of the world! You have my uber-respect.

BUT...despite all my whining and the discomfort I feel (I promised myself I wouldn't complain because I would be so grateful just to be pregnant...I guess I lied...), I'm still so, so thrilled to be pregnant (and I will be so, so thrilled when it's over!). The boys are doing great--at my last appointment they were both measuring right on track and weigh just shy of 3lbs (baby B, the one who enjoys the comforts of my ribcage, weighs about 2 ounces less than baby A). Their heart rates are fast and strong every time I get to hear them, and they are really active, which is actually something I do NOT find annoying. I find it rather comforting when they kick me because it lets me know they're alive and well. I passed my glucose test (which means I managed not to get gestational diabetes, for those of you unfamiliar with this stuff) and in a couple weeks I'll start going to the hospital for non-stress tests. HOPEFULLY the babies will be here in just about 8 weeks. :-) Crazy fun, right?

So anyway, that's all I can think of as far as updates are concerned. I'll post more as things continue to progress, and next time I'll try to take a belly pic of myself that isn't hideous hehe.

Ok, I Feel Better Now...

2011-01-31T09:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Jacob and I went to see this movie...

...which I'm happy to report did NOT totally suck (yay!!). So if you're in the market for a good exorcism movie and you're just as depressed as I was that The Last Exorcism was so awful, you should check this one out. It's definitely not pee your pants scary...in fact, it's not really that scary at all, but it's well done and it will remind you how superb an actor Anthony Hopkins is. One warning for you, it is pretty heavy on the Catholicism (I mean, it's set in Rome for crying out loud). Jacob was not aware of this and wasn't entirely pleased with the intense Catholic dogma. But again, overall it's a good flick, and worth your time.

So I'm definitely feeling better, I have 3 decent exorcism movies I can enjoy. Now if I can just find a horror movie that will scare me half to death... ;-)

The Last (Worst) Exorcism (Movie...ever)

2011-01-26T18:59:00.000-08:00

So this past weekend I was in the mood to watch a horror movie...you know how I am, I love 'em. The Last Exorcism had just arrived in the mail (yay Netflix!) so I decided to watch it. I didn't set my expectations very high...in fact, they were actually pretty low. It didn't do well in theaters and the reviews on imdb weren't exactly flattering. But I figured it would probably be slightly entertaining...I liked both The Exorcist and The Exorcism of Emily Rose so I figured I'd probably get a kick out of this one too. Yeah, I was wrong.

***HUGE, MASSIVE, RIDICULOUS SPOILER ALERT***

The movie presents itself as a documentary, and begins with the introduction of Reverend Cotton Marcus...who is a man pretending to believe in God when he has in actuality lost his faith. He jokes about how the members of his congregation will basically believe that anything he says is the word of God, even if he's preaching his grandma's banana bread recipe (which he then does...and indeed his congregation cries "Hallelujah" and "Praise Jesus"). Eventually the subject of exorcism is brought up, and to no one's surprise the good Reverend doesn't believe in that either, despite having successfully "exorcised" several people and taking the money of their grateful family members as payment for his demon-banishing services. So the dude's basically a big douchebag...a douchebag who is apparently ready to reveal the hypocrisy behind what he does for a living (think Marjoe, if you've ever heard of it...and if not, I'd recommend it).

Next we learn that the Reverend has received a letter from a father of a young teenage girl supposedly possessed by a demon begging him to come cast it out of her. What's a good Reverend to do, right? Why, head down to the little town outside of New Orleans to get rid of the pesky demon and catch the whole thing on film, that's what. The father and his son (the mother passed away a few years prior) aren't too thrilled about the camera at first, but good ole' Reverend Marcus talks them into letting the camera roll so we can all enjoy the spectacle.

Then we meet Nell, a sweet, innocent looking girl who just happens to have no memory of why she wakes up in the morning covered in blood and finds that her father's livestock has been slaughtered during the night, which is apparently an obvious sign of a demon possession (why the hell would a demon be so interested in killing a cow anyway? Doesn't it have better things to do with its time? Like try to bring about the apocalypse or something? I don't understand how killing a cow is going to accomplish that...). Reverend Marcus declares she is indeed possessed by the demon Abalam who has violated her innocence...of course he must perform an exorcism immediately because, naturally, the only way to save Nell's soul if the demon isn't exorcised is to kill her.

Nell and her family are then instructed to leave the room so Reverend Marcus can "prepare" for the exorcism. Preparations include hiding speakers to better amplify the recording of demon-like growls, putting on special rings which actually emit small electric charges to deliver just enough of a shock when the Reverend touches Nell to make it look like the demon is really fighting hard to stay in his human host's body, oh and then of course there's the smoking crucifix, which is how you know when the demon has been cast out by the power of Christ. The family re-enters Nell's bedroom and the "exorcism" commences. And what do you know, it's a rousing success! Bye bye Abalam, sucka! Dad's happy, Nell's brother is happy (which is odd, because he totally figures out that Reverend Marcus is a complete phony prior to the exorcism taking place), and of course Nell is elated to be rid of that pesky demon. Dad gives Reverend Marcus a big wad of cash and off he goes into the sunset a hero.

But wait...uh oh, that night at the Reverend's hotel who should show up but Nell, and she's not herself. Looks like Abalam didn't actually leave, and the Reverend is out of tricks, so it's off to the hospital, where she is evaluated and...once Abalam backs off for a minute, it's concluded she's fine and she's discharged. Obviously Dad is furious and demands another exorcism, which Reverend Marcus refuses to do, stating Nell is obviously cuckoo and needs to see a psychiatrist. But Dad is a man of faith, not medicine, and no head doctor is going to help his little girl. At this point Nell has gone all possessed again and has slashed her brother in the face with a knife, so Dad has to take him to the hospital (after he chains Nell to her bed, of course...but wouldn't you know, she still manages to get out, steal the camera while everyone's sleeping and use it to bludgeon the family cat to death). Reverend Marcus takes this opportunity to meet with the local pastor to beseech his help in convincing Dad to take Nell to see a psychiatrist. The pastor states there was a big squabble between him and Dad a couple years back, but if Reverend Marcus can get Dad to agree to see him, he'll come talk to him...he actually has a very good psychiatrist friend he can refer them to, in fact. A grateful Reverend Marcus heads back to the house, where Nell is still being all possessed and crazy. Oh and then guess what? The hospital calls and it turns out Nell is pregnant! Once Dad gets home and hears that, he grabs a shotgun. Turns out that demon really did violate his little girl...and since Reverend Marcus told him the only option besides exorcism is death, naturally he must do what any loving father would do to save his child's soul...blast her brains out. Awesome.

It then becomes apparent to Reverend Marcus that he's completely lost control of the situation...and in desperation to prevent Dad from committing murder he agrees to perform another exorcism...apparently it's gonna be a real one this time. Dad agrees to set aside the shotgun for a few minutes, and into the barn they go to once more attempt to send the demon back to hell.

The exorcism begins...and at first there's little hope that it will work. Nell, who is not normally a contortionist, is bending herself into all sorts of uncomfortable looking positions, breaking her own fingers, and carrying on in a way that most demons would...until she slips up and calls a naughty sex act by the wrong name. Wait a minute, demons are evil and they certainly know what all the immoral sex acts of the world are called. Nell, are you really possessed or are you just ashamed that you acted like a whore and got yourself knocked up? It is soon concluded by all that there is no demon, Nell is just acting out due to extreme guilt (some people cry, some people hang their head in shame...others pretend to be possessed by demons)...and reveals that a boy who works at the diner down the road seduced her and she succumbed to temptation and is now carrying his love child. After this startling confession (Dad actually looks like he'd rather it were a demon), it's agreed that the local pastor can come counsel the family on how to seek psychological help and...once again...off Reverend Marcus rides into the sunset in all his heroic glory.

But wait...the twist!!! Out of curiosity I suppose, Cotton and crew decide to stop by the diner to meet Nell's forbidden lover. Hmmmm, that's odd...this young man is gay and couldn't possibly be Nell's baby daddy. Something is wrong...still. Better go back and get things sorted out...AGAIN.

They arrive at the house and all is dark...upon entering Nell's room, they see that someone has been having way too much fun with a red sharpie and Satanic symbols, because they are all over the place in there. Oh dear, is that a scream in the distance? Well, we'd better head into the scary woods to see what's going on (the camera man doesn't want to because earlier when Nell was all possessed (but not really...or was she?) she colored a picture of all of them dying, but foreshadowing isn't applicable in real life, right? Onward!). They reach a clearing and there's poor Nell on a sacrificial altar getting what one can only assume is a Satanic abortion. Dad is blindfolded and tied to some sort of large rock, and there's the local pastor in a blood red cloak and his minions chanting in some weird language while Nell screams in pain. The "baby" is delivered and cast into the bonfire (because what Satanic ritual would be complete without a bonfire?), which immediately leaps like, 10 stories into the air and looks rather malevolent.

Oh shit.

.
Our hero once more decides he must save the day so he pulls out his smoking crucifix (which is not currently smoking as he has not had adequate time to prepare it to do so) and heads toward the fire, intent on stopping whatever ungodly force has been unleashed. Apparently Cotton has changed his mind and concluded that there really is a God and He's gonna get over the fact that the Reverend stopped believing in Him and lend a hand here. Or not, we never find out. The documentary producer runs away (to do what, I'm not sure...she's not running back the way they came) and is met with an axe to the face...we must assume that killed her, I don't know anyone who could survive that. The cameraman, who seems to be the only person who has any sense left at all, proceeds to run back towards the house with (I'm sure) the intent of jumping in the car and getting the hell out of there, but unfortunately he's not fast enough and Nell's brother, who somehow managed to check himself out of the hospital and get all the way back to the house despite his gaping face wound and lack of a vehicle (he even had time to spare and was able to change into his Sunday best...gotta look good for Satanic rituals, you see), intercepts him and decapitates him with a little scythe. Obviously that was fatal, although apparently he had enough strength in him to reach up and turn off the camera so we will never know what happened (ok not really, but the impact of the fall didn't seem nearly hard enough to break the camera). The end.

Whaaaaaaaat was that?

Here's the thing with horror movies...ambiguous endings (some argue that this ending is not...which is bogus) are definitely appropriate (although can sometimes be very cliche)...but this one did not work for 2 reasons: first, there were too many unanswered questions and contradictions. We assume Nell's dad was NOT in on it, since he had to be tied up at the end (or maybe he was a willing participant and that was his part of the ritual..?). We know Nell's brother WAS in on it, as was the pastor and apparently most of the town. But was Nell in on it? There's the token question. If she was in on it, why would she act possessed and bring all that attention to herself and risk someone coming, discovering their secret and possibly messing it up? If she was not in on it, why would she lie about getting knocked up by the gay kid...and who raped her? The devil (Rosemary's Baby, anyone?)? Hmmm. Maybe the pastor...but in that case her baby would be human (definitely an acceptable sacrifice in Satanic rituals) and not a demon and wouldn't cause her to act possessed. Actually, carrying Satan's baby probably wouldn't cause her to act possessed either (yes, that's another Rosemary's Baby reference). Or was she actually possessed and just happened to be impregnated as well (geez, there's a run of bad luck for you)? Was she just schizophrenic? No clue. In fact, Daniel Stamm, the director, doesn't even know. He fully admits that they did their best to leave the ending as open as possible and that he doesn't ever want to solve the ambiguity.

So...we have a director who doesn't know what the hell is actually going on in his own film...which brings about reason #2 why this movie's ending doesn't work. Again, ambiguity has its place...it's not a horror film, but let's talk Inception. The ambiguous ending TOTALLY worked for that movie because the build-up of events led right to it. The idea was planted in the viewer's head very early on in the movie that it was all too easy to become lost in the dream sequence and not realize you're actually living a dream. So was Leo's character still in a dream at the end? Maybe, and that's ok. Maybe not, which is also ok...either works, and it's fun to wonder. However, in The Last Exorcism there is basically no build-up to the movie's ending. The movie is going along, doing its thing, and then all the sudden it does a complete 180 and for the last 5 minutes it turns into something completely different than the entire rest of the movie. The focus shifts from "Is Nell really possessed or is it her psyche" to "Wait, the whole town is part of a Satanic cult and they're doing what??" The entire tone of the film changes and you as the viewer are left completely unprepared and with almost no reference as to what anything you just watched has to do with what's currently happening. Apparently the director thought it would be scary because it's unexplained...which it's not, it's just annoying.

So my exorcism film turned out not to be an exorcism film...I'm actually not sure what it was, other than lame. The search for a decent horror film continues...

Cutest thing EVER

2011-01-12T19:41:00.001-08:00

I am such a sucker for this stuff...but you have to admit, this is SUPER cute. And it's only 30 seconds long, so you don't even have to commit a lot of time to watching it. So you should watch it. The end.

New Year, New Experiences

2011-01-06T20:29:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

So...2011. Crazy. It's going to be an interesting year for us, to say the least. Hopefully a good one.

2010 definitely had its ups and downs...not sure which outweighed the other, getting pregnant was obviously a HUGE event because not only did it mean we'd be adding to our little family, it meant the end of a miserable 4 year ordeal with infertility. So that was definitely a huge victory which kept me from having a mental breakdown...hooray for my sanity remaining intact (contrary to the name of my blog...er, yeah). But then we had to deal with Jacob's flight internship being shut down and the fallout from that...which I now realize I haven't really discussed at all here. It's a long story and I don't really feel the need to go into it but trust me, it wasn't pretty. One thing I WILL say is that it's incredibly disheartening when you see how some people are so willing to toss their intergrity to the side without a second thought about how it will affect someone else just because it's convenient for them. But whatever, onward and upward.

Anyway, 2010 ended with things looking very uncertain for us...while I am still working at the same place (apparently there are always going to be people who want to yell at me haha), Jacob has recently had to quit his job at the small magazine where he's been working since coming home from the flight internship due to his boss freaking out and basically making it impossible for Jacob to continue. You can't work for someone who constantly changes his mind about how he wants things done without telling you (which then leads to all sorts of ridiculous accusations), goes back on his word, and takes out all his personal problems on you. It wasn't really a good source of income anyway...Jacob had hoped the magazine, which had previously been growing, would evolve into something a bit more stable for us, but no such luck. He's been applying for jobs for the past few weeks now but hasn't had much luck...the end of the year is a terrible time to try to find work.

HOWEVER...today he was offered a position writing/designing curriculum for UVU's aviation department. It's only part time, but it pays pretty darn well and would be something that Jacob enjoys...plus it will look great on his resume. When Jacob applied for the position and told me about it, I knew he'd get it...he couldn't be more qualified. Not only does he have his commercial pilot's license, but he has a master's degree in English. They told him he was their first choice, which isn't surprising. He's still waiting to hear from one other job he interviewed for in Salt Lake City, which is full time and pays about the same...I personally want him to take the UVU job. Even though it's only part time, I think he'll enjoy it more and his schedule would allow me to continue working without us having to worry about childcare once the twins are born. Either way, things are looking much better for us on the job front and we're pretty damn excited about that. :-)

So yeah, here's to hoping 2011 is as awesome as I think it will be. I'm sure I'll be posting another belly picture soon...I feel beyond huge but people tell me they think I'm small considering the fact that there are 2 babies in there. I only have about 12 weeks left, it's coming fast. So yeah, good times...I feel pretty good, the babies seem to be rather healthy (they are soooooo active! They're using my bladder as a trampoline as I write this haha...), so I can't complain.

Anyway, I'll keep you guys posted. :-)

Christmas is coming, and Julie's getting fat...

2010-12-25T16:46:00.000-08:00

...except Christmas is already here, and I am most definitely fat.

Here's the belly at 24 weeks. Crazy how time flies...only a few more weeks and I'll be entering my thrid trimester. No complaints about that though, my ankles have turned into tree trunks b/c of the swelling and I've definitely started waddling haha. It's only going to get more uncomfortable from here, I'm sure. It'll all be worth it, though...Merry Christmas everyone!

This is scary

2010-12-24T09:34:00.000-08:00

Facebook debates...are stupid. Especially with this guy. I should know better. But tell me this isn't horrifying...

Troy: I think its funny that the Liberals/Communists are touting the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” as this great political victory; when they’re the ones who made it up! I don’t get it!? Are they admitting their stupidity? Or proving it?

Julie: As a liberal, I had absolutely nothing to do with its inception, so I can feel victorious. :-) Although truth be told it's not so much a victory as it is something that should have been repealed LONG ago (and in my opinion, it should have never even been an issue), as one's sexuality has nothing to do with one's ability to serve his/her country. It was an archaic policy that had no business being there in the first place (see Troy?? We kind of agree...KIND OF).

Troy: I’m not sure what to think of it. Seriously though, this shows the Libs/Commies two sidedness. As far as the policy is concerned… I think “don’t ask don’t tell” was kind of a good idea; from a common sense stand point. I personally feel ...that don’t ask don’t tell should be practiced in all facets of public life and business. I don’t want to know about ANYBODY’S sex life. Not yours, not my parents, nobody’s. And I know nobody wants to know about my sex life. Now I defiantly don’t think we should make it “law” like the Democrats did in the 90’s, but any moral person should have enough common sense to keep that stuff private regardless of them being a Liberal Commie or Conservative Patriot, straight or gay.

My biggest concern here is how this will affect things in the military. They’re already spending far too much on sexual counseling, sensitivity training, legal matters and much more just by having Women serve alongside men in the military. Millions are wasted each year policing these issues. Now we’re throwing more into the mix. I for one would much rather see those millions spent to buy guns, ships, aircraft and other technology used to fulfill the military’s purpose. I mean let’s face it, G Gordon Liddy said it best years ago on his radio program when he said; “the military is there to kill people and break things”.

Look, I have gay friends, and they have a right to be gay. We'll have to see how this plays out. I’m afraid that this may cause problems among units (no pun intended--see it' already happening) made up of men and women that are not as tolerant as, myself and others may be. This can cause serious issues among troop morale. So yes, this is a potentially large victory for the anti-military left wing. And that is not a good thing for this country and ANYBODY’S sexuality or orientation.

So to Julie, yes, we do kind of agree. Kind of. ☺

I would be interested in have my friends that have served or are currently serving in the military weigh in on this if they happen to read it. I know they would be professional about it, and ad insight we civilian “armchair” Generals don’t have.

Julie: ‎*shrugs* I think it's easy for you to say that the "don't ask don't tell" mentality should be implemented into all facets of life because you're straight. When you walk through the store holding your wife's hand, that's not keeping your s...exual orientation private...but nobody cares when YOU do that. People see you and your wife and know you're straight and it's fine. But if my friend and his boyfriend were to do the same...well, that's just horrible. Even when they're not being affectionate in any way (which in public they almost never are) it's still not ok with most people (around here, at least). I think it should be. I'm not going to try to force anyone to change their religious beliefs and what not, but at the very least people need to understand that seeing 2 gay people in public is not the end of the world, and it's not going to hurt them. Bottom line is, we can try to adopt a "don't ask don't tell" mentality and ban all public displays of affection so there's no chance of anyone knowing what sexual orientation anyone else is...or people can learn not to give a shit about it and mind their own damn business. I'm in favor of option #2...I like holding my husband's hand when we go places. I want the same for my gay friends.

While I may be against this supposed war on terror we're fighting (and no, I'm not pleased with Obama's handling of it either), I am NOT anti-military. I want the finest equipment for our soldiers and I don't necessarily agree w/all the spending in the military on sensitivity training and all that either...the people I know who are currently in the military couldn't care less if their fellow soldiers are gay or straight. But at the same time, a lot of people do not share that mentality and I most definitely don't agree with the military kicking over 13,000 people out because they're gay, so maybe some of this is necessary. I don't know Troy, what's the price of equality? It's a hard issue.

Troy: Julie, I like you. I really do. I’m not sure where you’re coming from though. I don’t see the homophobia you liberal activists portray conservative people like myself to have. Your argument also throws tolerance out the window. It’s ok though. I’ve read the good book. And in the end… I know who wins.

p.s. I respect your right to right to your beliefs, even when they’re wrong, but please keep it respectful. I nearly deleted your post (not because of your argument, but because of your lack of respect in the way you express your views), but it’s a good demonstration and example in Liberal/Marxist /Communist values; which is a strange and historically destructive, failed religion.

Julie: Well Troy, honestly...I apologize that you are offended by what I said. I only say it b/c I have witnessed it first hand, I have seen with my own eyes the blatant discrimination of homosexuals around here and it hurts me to see my friends treated that way. I seem to remember you parading around the office telling people you were taking martial arts to "fight off the gays." This is something even your fellow Mormons were appalled to hear you say.

But once again I am reminded that you and I are always going to think the other is wrong and that will never, ever change.

Hope you have a good Christmas. :-)

Kidney Stones are the DEVIL

2010-12-16T17:15:00.000-08:00

Hello friends. Before I write anything, you all should know by now that I'm not super awesome at censoring my blog posts so here's your TMI warning. :-)

So ever since I got pregnant the only discomforts I've had are a couple bladder infections, which are extremely annoying but overall not too horrid (although when I have one I might say otherwise). I never had any morning sickness or vomiting and in general have felt pretty darn good thus far. So when I woke up feeling like I had a bladder infection the Friday before Thanksgiving, I didn't think much of it...I still had a prescription for antibiotics so I filled it and went about my day.

That night I woke up around midnight with a bit of pain in my back and side, which I found odd. I got up went to the bathroom...and WOW did that hurt. The pain didn't subside so I took some Tylenol and started pacing around the apartment. I don't know why I paced, I guess I just didn't know what else to do. A couple hours later when it hadn't gotten better I texted my sister, who's a registered nurse, hoping she was awake and at work (she works the graveyard shift at the hospital). She never responded (I looked at my phone the next day and realized that in my painful agony I had texted her home phone #, not her cell...*special*) so I figured she wasn't working that night and continued pacing. Around 4:00am the pain had become so intense I could barely walk. I remembered that my health insurance inculdes a 24-hr nurse hotline so I called it and the RN who answered, after asking a bunch of questions about my condition, advised me to seek medical assistance as soon as possible. So I woke Jacob up and he drove us to the ER (and can I just complain for a sec...there is a hospital literally 3 minutes from my house but it's not in network so we had to drive 10 minutes to the one that is...which doesn't seem like a huge deal, except the fact that I was in so much pain every little bump in the road made me want to die). They took a urine sample, placed an IV and the doctor said it sounded like a kidney stone.

Um, what? A kidney stone? That was not what I wanted to hear. You always hear about how horribly painful they are and while I actually have a pretty high tolerance for pain, I would rather not deal with it if I can avoid it. Just saying.

Anyway, after pumping my veins full of painkillers and anti-nausea medication (which made me delightfully groggy), they sent me home with a prescription for percocet and instructions to drink lots of water and wait for the stone to pass. I wasn't convinced I had a kidney stone, but did as I was instructed. I drank a ton of water and took it easy for the next couple days, and I figured I must have passed it on Sunday night because on Monday I woke up feeling just fine...which was a relief because we were leaving the next morning for Washington to spend Thanksgiving with Jacob's family.

So yeah, we drove to Washington and although the trip there was awful (see my previous post...stupid snow...), I still felt fine. Yeah, that was short-lived. I woke up at 6:00 the next morning and the pain was back. Goooooodie. I popped a percocet and started chugging as much water as I could...and I paced. By 8:00 it hadn't gotten any better and I was actually starting to get really nauseated. I began freaking out because I didn't want Jacob's family to see me pacing around in my pajamas and trying not to cry. Yeah, well, they did. Around 9:00 I decided maybe taking a hot shower would help (how??? No idea...) and once I got in I realized my leg was swollen...the leg that was on the same side as the pain. That freaked me out even more. So after my shower (which totally didn't help) I called my sister, who told me it was possible that the kidney stone was completely blocking the tube from the kidney to the bladder and I needed to go back to the hospital.

DAMNIT.

I told Jacob and off we went. The drive to the hospital closest to my in-laws' house is WAY longer than the drive to the hospital here (we're talking 20 minutes at least)...it felt like a freaking eternity.

After we FINALLY got there, I gave yet another urine sample, they got me checked in and in a bed, a nurse came and took all my info...then we waited. And waited. And I had to get up to pee a lot because I'd chugged so much water. It was horrible. The pain I felt while I was peeing was 10 times worse than the pain when I wasn't. I literally had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming, it hurt so badly.

By now it was about 11:00am and although my nurse had said they were going to start an IV and give me some pain meds, he was nowhere to be found and I was getting more panicked by the minute. The pain became so intense I couldn't stop myself from shaking (you know how they ask you to rate your pain on a scale from 1-10? I was definitely at a 10)...finally Jacob decided enough was enough and went to find someone to yell at. Apparently my nurse had taken his lunch break and the nurse who was supposed to be covering for him forgot about me. After Jacob chewed her out a bit she took a blood sample, placed my IV and I finally got some relief.

Eventually the ER doc came in and told me there was no infection found in my urine but that blood showed that my potassium was too low and white blood cell count was too high so they were going to hook me up to a heart monitor and give me an ultrasound of my kidneys to see what they could find. She said it sounded like a kidney stone but they wanted to check everything out. The ultrasound revealed 2 kidney stones...1 in each kidney...but kidney stones in your kidneys don't hurt you...it's when they move out of the kidneys that it becomes painful. My uterus was blocking where the tube connects to my bladder so they couldn't see if there was stone there as well. Because of my white blood cell count they were nervous about my appendix, which they also couldn't see because of my uterus...so they decided that since I couldn't have a CAT scan I needed an MRI.

I can see how claustrophobic people would flip out while getting an MRI but I was so exhausted at that point that I thought it was kind of nice to be strapped to the table thing, shoved into a giant camera and told not to move for half an hour. Having to hold my breath for 30 seconds at a time while they were taking pictures was kind of annoying but overall I was just so happy to not be in pain I didn't even care.

Anyway, the MRI revealed that my appendix was fine but they still couldn't see if there was another stone b/c once again, my uterus was in the way. Everyone who saw the results told me the babies were really cute though. :-) The urologist explained that she thought there really was a kidney stone blocking everything and so they were going to keep me overnight, pump a shitload of fluid into me and hope that it passed. She said if that didn't work we'd have to look at putting a tube in my back to drain the urine that was backed up. Awesome. I was a bit surprised that they were keeping me overnight, but I was also grateful b/c I knew being there meant being able to manage my pain and also that my babies would be carefully monitored.

After the MRI I saw a perinatologist and got to have an ultrasound of the babies (where we actually found out for sure that they're both boys) to make sure they were ok, which they were. The doctor assured me that the pain meds they were giving me weren't hurting the babies at all, and the most important thing was for me to be comfortable b/c me being in that much pain can put stress on the babies.

So yeah, then they took me to my room (which was honestly bigger and nicer than some hotels I've stayed in), set me up with some antibiotics and more pain meds in my IV (I had my own button that I could push to administer medication when I needed it...soooo nice!) and then Jacob's family dropped by for a visit. The doctor FINALLY gave me the ok to eat, so my father-in-law ran and got me some chicken mcnuggets (I crave them all the time) and a slurpee, which was the best meal I've ever eaten haha. The nurses came in to monitor the babies' heartbeats so Jacob's family got to hear them, which was pretty cool.

After everyone left Jacob and I were both pretty wiped out...they had a nice couch/bed for Jacob to sleep on so he could stay with me...so we went to sleep. Then around midnight I got up to use the bathroom and low and behold, I passed the stone (they gave me this lovely strainer thing to pee in...so fun). I called the nurse to have her check and make sure, and she was so impressed by the size of it that she called in all the other nurses to have a look. I can't remember the last time I've felt that relieved.

And fortunately my white blood cell count was back to normal the next day so they let me go and we were able to spend Thanksgiving w/Jacob's family instead of in the hospital, which would have been a bummer.

So now (and for the remainder of my pregnancy)...I drink buckets of water, I avoid consuming too much calcium, and I've pretty much given up colas (doc says I can still drink stuff like ginger ale and Sprite so I can somewhat feed my carbonated beverage addiction haha). Here's to hoping the next time I'm in a hospital is when I'm having my babies...and hopefully I won't have to ever go back after that!!

Let it snow, let it snow...MAKE IT STOP!!!

2010-12-01T20:16:00.000-08:00

Hello friends. As promised, I'm back to tell more stories.

So...this year for Thanksgiving, it was our turn to go spend it with Jacob's family in Washington. Seeing as how Thanksgiving is in November, we usually fly there. However, this year funds were pretty slim so against our better judgement we decided to drive. You see, we have driven in the past with disastrous results (these results consisting of near-apocolyptic blizzards), and I made very solemn vows to myself not to EVER drive there in the winter again. But...it's amazing how things change when it comes to finances.

A few days prior to our departure I started obsessively hanging out on weather.com, looking up cities along our route to see what the weather would be for our drive. It actually appeared to be pretty decent at first, but the day before we left I saw that we were most likely going to hit a little snow. A LITTLE snow. Ha.

Anyhoo, on Tuesday morning we got up at 4:15am and were on the road by 5:00. During fair weather, the drive to Seattle is 13-15 hrs...but since I figured the weather wasn't going to be all peaches n' cream I wanted to make sure we gave ourselves plenty of time so we'd arrive at a decent hour. Again, ha.

Things were fine at first...we drove for a few hours and made it across the Idaho border without incident. There was snow on the ground but none falling. Once we were about 30 miles from Twin Falls (where we were going to stop to refuel and I was going to take a potty break), the wind really picked up and there were these random patches of road where the snow had been blowing across and had turned to ice. Annoying, but not anything I couldn't handle (I was behind the wheel at the time). However, things became increasingly worse and by the time we were about 20 miles from Twin Falls, the weather had gone from mild to extremely blustery and snowy. A couple miles later we came to a complete stop--cars were backed up as far as the eye could see. Not good. Especially not good for the pregnant lady who needed to pee.

We waited. And waited. Jacob got out of the car and walked up the road a way to try to see what was going on...he dug someone's car out of the snow but they weren't the reason we were at a standstill. He came back and we waited some more. An hour passed. Jacob got out of the car and walked up the road again, this time determined to find the actual cause of everyone being stopped.

In the meantime, I tried to focus on anything other than the fact that I really had to pee. My 2 babies teasing me by hanging out on my bladder, moving off it, and then coming back again was really not making it easy. Eventually, it became apparent to me that even if everyone started moving again at that exact moment, there was no way I was going to make it all the way to Twin Falls to use a restroom. Awesome. In a panic I started looking around the car. Jacob had assured me that he would adequately cover me should I need to go on the side of the road, but I was not sold on that idea (besides the fact that I doubted that he could shield me from everyone's eyes, who the hell wants to pee outside in the middle of a blizzard?? Uh, definitely not me). There had to be something, right?

And then I spotted a can of Pringles...we'd eaten about two-thirds of them. Determined, I grabbed it and started shoving pringles in my mouth. I soon realized that I wasn't going to be able to down all of them without making myself sick, so I looked around for something to put them in. We'd brought a box of fruit snacks and had already eaten most of them, so I ended up putting the rest of the pringles in the box w/the few packets of fruit snacks that were left, then I climbed into the back seat and did what any desperate pregnant woman would have done (maybe). Fortunately, I'd turned off the engine so the windows were all fogged up and I was confident no one could see. After using the makeshift toilet paper I'd created (notebook paper I'd been crinkling and uncrinkling), I shoved the lid back on and climbed back into the front seat.

A few minutes later Jacob came back and apologetically informed me that there was a huge accident about 3 miles up the road...a semi had jack-knifed and a UPS truck had run into it so the road was completely blocked...and it was still going to be a while before we'd be going anywhere. I told him that was fine, I was good. He gave me an odd look since prior to now I'd been rather loudly complaining of the lack of a bathroom...so I had to explain to him what I'd done. He was simultaneously shocked and pleased with my...ingenuity...?

Anyway...FINALLY after 2 hours of sitting, we got moving again. Then we hit snow again in Oregon and Washington...and ended up arriving at my in-laws' house at midnight. 20 hours in the car...sweeeeeet.

Surely the way home would be better, right? NOPE. We once again hit snow in Washington and Oregon, and then in Idaho we hit some more...IN THE SAME AREA. Damn you, Twin Falls. Actually, damn you Idaho. They closed the freeway so we had to drive clear the hell out of our way to Pocatello where we finally were able to meet up with I-15. That was an extra 2 and a half hrs which ended up making the drive back a grand total of...you guessed it...20 hours in the car.

So this is me, stating for the record with the entire blogging world as my witness...we will NEVER drive to Washington for Thanksgiving again. EVER.

And I really, really, hate Idaho.

20 Weeks

2010-11-30T21:27:00.000-08:00

I have sooooo many stories to tell...but it's bed time (don't mess w/a prego lady and sleep haha), so all you get tonight is a couple of belly pics, since it's been a while. The first one is a really bad picture of me, but what can I say? I'm becoming less and less motivated to "git my pretty on" as the days continue...so here's the belly at 20 weeks:

Aaaaaaand, here we have Jacob's attempts to indoctrinate our children to be H.P. Lovecraft fans. I know you can't see what's playing on the iPod, but it's a recording of a Lovecraft novel...hooray for "story time."

So there you go. We had the "big" ultrasound today...ya know, the one where they measure everything to make sure the babies are on track. For the record, both babies are doing great: baby A is 14 ounces and baby B is 12 ounces, both have strong heart rates and the rest of their measurements are right on track so everything's looking really good. Oh, and it's official: they are definitely both boys (which we actually found out last week, but that's another story to follow shortly).

Now if we could just come up with names...

Much more to come, stay posted. :-)

I do NOT get it, but...

2010-11-10T18:30:00.000-08:00

I've found that I easily become addicted to reality TV...show me 10 minutes of a reality show and it's not uncommon for me to be more or less hooked (although I would like to state clearly for the record that I did watch about 10 minutes of Jersey Shore and the only effect it had on me was extreme disgust...there is absolutely NO worry of me getting hooked on that one). I don't necessarily have to watch every episode of these reality shows, but I like to watch frequently enough that I know what's going on (or, if it's a competition-type reality show, who's been sent home and such).

However, there's one reality show that sucked me in more than the others...TLC's Sister Wives. I'm not sure exactly why it fascinated me so much; maybe it was because I was raised as a Mormon and polygamy is a big part of their history, maybe it was because this particular family lives pretty close to me (on one episode one of the wives went to her gyno b/c she was pregnant, and her gyno is totally part of the same practice mine is...I was like, "Hey, I go to that building for MY doctor appointments!"), most likely it's a combination of the two. Either way, I saw one episode and actually made sure I watched the rest of them (I almost never plan to watch anything...typically I watch TV because I have nothing else to do, not because "my show is on")...then the night of the season finale TLC had a marathon prior to the last episode and I honestly sat and watched for hours so I could see all the episodes in order (I'd missed the first few...and then of course I had to see the last one).

My initial reaction was..."Damn, this is so wrong, those women are nuts!" Not to mention I think men who live a polygamous lifestyle are hypocrites (this guy, despite the fact that he seems like a pretty nice fellow, is no exception...he took his first wife to dinner for their anniversary and as she was trying to express her struggles w/jealousy due to him courting another woman who later became wife #4, he commented on how "vulgar" it would be if she were to be interested in another man...um, hello?). But still I continued to watch.

And the more I watched, the more I was forced to take the time to really ponder my philosophy on their lifestyle. I have always had a "live and let live" philosophy...basically, I don't care what people choose to do with their lives as long as it's not hurting anybody else...in my mind, there are very few exceptions to this philosophy. However, polygamy has always been one of those exceptions to me...I've always pictured it as being extremely degrading to those who I assumed were unfortunate brainwashed women, and I am not ok with perverts like Warren Jeffs marrying middle-aged men to underage teenage girls...

...but in this case, I didn't see any evidence of their lifestyle having a negative effect on anyone, and here's why:
-They're not civilly married so they're not breaking the law, all the wives were of legal age when they got married, and all chose it willingly (hell, one of them was raised as a mainstream Mormon and left her family and friends behind because she believes so strongly in their lifestyle) and continue to choose to remain in that lifestyle.
-It's come up a couple times at work and some of my co-workers have expressed their concern that the show will further the assumption that Mormons are still practicing polygamy, but in the very first episode the husband was very sure to specify that they are NOT mainstream Mormons and aren't really even a facet of that religion. Honestly, Mormons should probably be more worried about Big Love when it comes to that misconception.
-Some argue that being raised in a polygamous home has a negative effect on the kids, but it doesn't appear to. One of their daughters even expressed how she has no intention of being in a polygamous relationship when she gets married, and her parents are all supportive of that. These kids are not being told that they will be forced to live that lifestyle in their marriages if they don't want to...it doesn't even appear that they're expected to be in polygamous relationships at all.

Of course a reality TV show doesn't show you EVERYTHING that goes on and maybe my conclusions are way off base...but from what I see, their lifestyle works for them and they're happy. They don't try to shove it in anyone's face and they don't appear to even be promoting it...they seem to have a very firm grasp on the fact that their lifestyle is not appealing to most people. So I asked myself how I can argue for something like gay marriage on the grounds that the gay lifestyle is not hurting anyone and then turn around and say these polygamists shouldn't be allowed to live how they choose when they're not hurting anyone either? I really don't want to be a hypocrite.

So ultimately, my conclusion is that while I genuinely do not understand why anyone would choose to live that way (even the men...when my hubby jokes about becoming a polygamist I remind him he has way too much estrogen to deal with already...yeah, I'm definitely a handful and I think most women are), this is the life these people picked...and in this particular case, that's fine with me.

Uhhh...what are you doing??

2010-11-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

Confession time...ok, it's not really a confession, it's more like "here's a random fact about Julie that you probably didn't know, and really don't NEED to know...at all:" I am extremely self-conscious when using the restroom (yup, this story is off to a great start!). Example: some married couples can use the bathroom right in front of each other; I've been married 7 years and I still lock the door and turn on the fan. Even for #1. Seriously. I'll even shut the door when I'm home alone, lest the cats wander in and see me.

And it's even worse when I'm at work (especially now that I'm expecting, simply because the frequency has increased haha). As you all know, I work in a call center...which equals one big building full of lots of people. Naturally, the bathrooms there accomodate more than one individual. If the bathroom is completely vacant when I need to use it, of course I'm fine. But if other people happen to be there...bad times for me. Sometimes if I go in and there are people already there, I will turn around and come back later. If someone comes in while I'm already in there, I literally freeze. And I wait until they have done their thing, washed their hands (would you believe that some people actually don't wash their hands??? It's disgusting!!), and walked completely out the door before resuming.

So on Friday I was in there...had just sat down when the bathroom door opened and someone walked in. So I waited...whoever it was mozied on into a stall, got the toilet seat protector paper thingie situated, etc...and I thought she'd do her thing and get going so I could do mine. But instead of doing what people normally do in the restroom, she didn't do anything. "Uh oh..." I figured I had another shy restroom user on my hands. Which can be really bad, naturally, because someone has to go...cuz if we're both too mortified...well, it's a problem. I decided to wait it out. So wait I did.

And then, after a few seconds, what did I hear? Clicking...the clicking of little buttons. Wait, is that your phone? Are you TEXTING??? Who TEXTS in the bathroom???? Last I checked, bathrooms are not the ideal location for using your cell phone (unless you're a real estate agent...man, those guys will talk on their phones no matter where they are!!). Annoyed, I continued to wait. And she continued to text. I'm telling you, it must have been a super important conversation b/c it went on for a while. So long, in fact, that I was forced to break my bathroom policy because honestly, I needed to get back to work...people were going to start wondering where I'd gone and I really wasn't feeling up to explaining it.

SO...I did what I had to do. And wouldn't you know, once I'd taken that leap of faith apparently her really important conversation was over and she proceded to do what I assume she came in there to do in the first place.

Now, the only thing worse than someone else hearing you do your business is someone else hearing you do your business and then seeing you as you wash your hands. I don't want anyone to KNOW what I specifically sound like when I do that (irrational fear, anyone???). Plus I really hate having to talk to people in the bathroom. In my opinion, it's one of the worst places to have a conversation. For some reason other people do not feel that way...there have been several times when people have walked in while I'm washing my hands and decided to chitchat. Some have even talked to me while doing their thing! Holy awkward, Batman! So naturally, when I realized this girl was probably going to see me washing my hands and, depending on who it was, potentially strike up a conversation with me, panic set in.

FORTUNATELY FOR ME, she must have had a really complicated belt...or was just as panicked as I was (maybe she was humiliated that someone heard her texting in the bathroom...although if that was going to be a concern, she probably wouldn't have done it in the first place)...either way, I managed to wash my hands and get out of there before she emerged from the stall.

*Huge sigh of relief*

Moral of the story? Please do not text while in the bathroom. It's creepy and weird, and you never know if there's someone like me 2 stalls over having a panic attack. Thank you.

Ian McKellen is friggin' awesome

2010-11-05T18:14:00.000-07:00

Love, love, LOVE it!

see more Very Demotivational

I Win

2010-11-01T21:27:00.000-07:00

I would like you all to know...

...that I successfully evaded the skunk that darted out in front of my car on my way home from work tonight.

That's right, kamikaze skunk, I WIN.

I'm so creative...or not

2010-11-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

Jacob and I were invited to a few Halloween parties this year...I wasn't really feeling motivated to dress up (I was NOT about to paint a jack-o-lantern on my belly), but I managed to do a little something (sorry, the lighting sucks)...

Here's a close up of my "name tag."

A bit bratty I suppose, but it got a lot of laughs... :-)

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T10:24:00.001-07:00

I can't think of a better way to celebrate Halloween than by watching this awesome video. ;-)

Story Time

2010-10-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

So, now that the cat's out of the bag about the in vitro working, I thought I'd write a little somethin somethin about what the procedure is actually like. The kids can read it when they're older and be grateful to Mom for what she had to go through to bring them into existence haha.

I honestly had no idea how much STUFF goes into the whole process. The clinic we went through (love, love LOVE them...sooooo grateful to the person who referred me there!) had a class that Jacob and I took prior to actually starting anything to give us an idea of what we were signing up for, but there's only so much they can say to prepare you, if you know what I mean. The process sounds a wee bit different on paper.

Anyway, it started with a month of birth control pills...cuz you have to let the ovaries rest before running a marathon, was how they explained it. No biggie there. Then came the daily shots of a drug to prevent premature ovulation...that went on for a few weeks before adding a bunch of other stuff to it. It was pretty crazy--they had a whole sheet to explain how to mix up all the different medications into one big shot. Let me tell you, by the time it was all over I was extremely tired of sticking myself. Yeah. So once I started giving myself the big shots, I would go in every other day to have my blood drawn and to have an ultrasound to see how many follicles my ovaries were producing. In a normal cycle, one ovary produces one follicle every month...they were hoping to get at least 7 or 8 from each of mine. Fun, right? Haha it actually wasn't too bad...I thought I would feel a lot worse than I actually did.

So yeah, once I had enough follicles they scheduled me for surgery to retrieve them a couple days later...I only had to take one more shot (praise all that is good for that!) and haven't had to stick myself since. Surgery itself was super easy for me, of course, since I was unconscious for it. I really don't remember too much about that day...I remember there being pain, and then the nurse put something warm and fuzzy in my IV and it went away. I remember getting home and making myself comfy on the couch and then I think at some point I told Jacob I required a roast beef sandwich so he went to Arby's. Yeah. Pretty sure I slept for the rest of the day...and the night.

Ok heads up...this next part may be TMI for some of you, so read on if you dare...

A few days later we had 8 fertilized embryos of high quality so it was time to put a couple of them back in. In all honesty I wish they'd have put me under for this part as well haha. My instructions were to show up at the clinic an hour before my scheduled procedure with a half-full bladder (which I learned is b/c that flattens the uterus, which is the ideal condition for it to be in when they put the embryos back in). Now, those of you who know me very well understand that I have a pretty freaking small bladder, so this part made me very nervous. Regardless, I did as I was told. Unfortunately for me, that day they were short-staffed and were running late. Very soon my half-full bladder became a full one. They finally took us back, gave me some valium and assured us that it wouldn't be long until it was time to go into the OR (yeah, they have their own OR...gotta do all this stuff in a sterile environment...it's pretty awesome). By the time it was our turn, I was pretty much ready to burst. But I figured it couldn't take more than a couple minutes, right?

Wrong.

All in all I don't think I was back there for more than about 20 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. First they had me lie down on the table, then they put the damn speculum in me. You men will NEVER understand what that feels like but any woman who's been to the gyno and had a yearly exam knows exactly how uncomfortable it is to have one of those in you. Seriously. Then add the fact that it was pushing up on my extremely full bladder and you'll understand the panic I felt. It took a couple minutes for them to finish prepping me...I'll spare you the details on that...and then the embryologist had to come in from the lab and ask me a bunch of questions to make sure I was really me so they could be sure they would be putting the correct embryos in (I'm very grateful for their thoroughness but at the time was not pleased with what I felt was an unnecessary identity check...haha). Once he was satisfied that I was who I said I was, he handed the embryos over to the doctor, who then had his assistant place the ultrasound thingie on my belly so he could make sure he put them in the right place.

Ok, so there I was...my bladder was full to the point of bursting, I had the speculum pushing up on it, and now I had the stupid ultrasound thing pushing down on it. I was so ready to cry...Jacob said the look on my face was one of intense focus and extreme terror. The doctor was chatting pleasantly as he did his thing and I could barely respond because the whole time I was telling myself "don't pee on the doctor, don't pee on the doctor!" Fortunately for everyone involved, I didn't. After the embryos were in and the doctor was kind of enough to take away anything pushing up or down on my bladder, I had to lay on the table for another 10 minutes. Which, at that point, seemed like nothing compared to what I had just been through. However, you can bet once they told me the time was up, I headed straight for the bathroom. I don't think I've ever been so grateful to go in my entire life, no exaggeration (and I'm pretty sure the nurses got a kick out of my extreme haste haha). Then the valium finally kicked in and I spent the rest of the day in a relaxed haze. Good times.

So there you have it...my in vitro story. Of course it was completely worth it...I'd have gone through a lot more if it meant being able to get pregnant (but am grateful I didn't have to). And really, I have no doubt that labor and delivery is probably going to make all this seem like cake. But I'm not going to worry about that until it gets here. :-)

The First One

2010-10-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a pretty cool day, because I got to do something that for a while, I never thought I'd get to do. There's been an envelope sitting in the bottom drawer of my dresser for almost 3 years now...see, the last time I was fortunate enough to get pregnant, Jacob and I thought the perfect way to tell our families was for him to give me a gift card to a maternity clothing store for Christmas. But then I lost the baby in November, so the gift card went into the drawer where I told myself it wouldn't stay for very long. As you all know, I was quite incorrect.

However, yesterday I finally allowed myself to open that drawer, take out the envelope, and open it (BIG SMILEY FACE). If anyone missed the facebook announcement, I am pregnant. The in vitro worked beautifully and we're expecting twins...I just started my second trimester (for those of you not familiar with pregnancy lingo, that's 14 weeks...3 months along) and I'm due April 14. It's taken a while to sink in, but now after a few trips to the doctor, 3 ultrasounds (one of the awesome things about being pregnant w/twins is that I get to have an ultrasound at every doctor's visit to check on their heartbeats), and my pants getting extremely uncomfortable, we've accepted that this blessing is actually real.

And yes, my pants getting too tight was the reason for me to finally open that envelope. My sister was kind enough to take me shopping so I can begin piecing together my pregnancy wardrobe. Thank goodness for maternity pants, I am so much more comfortable now.

Anyway, so that's our big news. And thanks to popular demand (ok, only one person demanded it...this is for you, Cajsa!), I'm posting my first (of many, I'm sure) pregnancy belly picture. I swear, I was NOT this fat yesterday. Jacob says it's because the babies are happy not to be squished any more thanks to my new pants and have spread out into the additional space. And yes, I should probably switch to maternity shirts too, but I'm wearing my regular ones as long as I can get away with it haha. :-) Anyway, here you go...enjoy!

Failbook is hilarious

2010-10-12T18:44:00.000-07:00

So work has slowed down quite a bit and I've been reading a lot of failbook to pass the time (I know, my job is soooooooooo hard...). There are a TON of funny posts on there, but this one had me giggling for quite some time...

see more Failbook

Wish I Had Been There...

2010-10-01T11:04:00.001-07:00

The other night while I was at work, our doorbell rang.

Friends of Scouting Guy: Hi, I'm with Friends of Scouting...blah blah blah we'd like you to donate some money blah blah blah...

Jacob: One question first...are the Boy Scouts of America letting gay people in yet?

Friends of Scouting Guy: Uh, no.

Jacob: Well then...we'll have to pass.

My husband is so awesome. :-)

It was an interesting weekend...

2010-09-27T19:48:00.000-07:00

...but not the good kind of interesting.

So, my dad had a heart attack last week. That was really not the way I wanted to wake up on Friday. My phone rang and the caller ID said "Mom Cell Phone," which I immediately knew meant something wasn't right. My mom is possibly the worst cell phone carrier of all time. Usually she only has it on when she and my dad are out of town and she's worried one of us might need to reach her...so the fact that she was actually calling me from it meant something out of the ordinary had happened. I answered and she told me that my dad had suffered from a heart attack and he was going to be fine, but she wanted to let me know. I grabbed a pen and paper to jot down which room he was in at the hospital and told her I'd be there in a bit.

I have a good relationship with both of my parents, but I've definitely always been a "daddy's girl." My dad and I share a similar sense of humor and I feel there are things about me that he understands better than my mom does. He was certainly much less exasperated with me as a teenager (sorry Mom!).

So you can understand how for me at least, there is something very unsettling about seeing your dad laid up in the hospital with tubes in his nose and wires connecting him to all sorts of machines neither of you understands which beep for no apparent reason (ok yeah, of course there's a reason...I'm just of the opinion that hospital machines shouldn't beep unless something is wrong...mainly cuz it freaks me out a little). How am I supposed to react to that? Here was the guy who's been a protector and a provider for the majority of my life...last time I saw him he was perfectly fine and now he's (temporarily) incapacitated. I still don't really know, it was weird. I just did my best to keep it together (after all, he was going to be fine, no reason to fall apart) and told him I was glad he didn't die. Cuz the more I heard about what happened, the more I realized he very well could have.

Here's the thing about my dad: he is as stubborn as hell (yes, that's where I get it). He started having chest pains on Tuesday...they got pretty severe on Thursday, but he drove to the airport to pick up my Grandma anyway. Then on Friday he woke up and said the pain was so intense he felt like his entire body was on fire. Only then did he tell my mom he thought they should go to the hospital (he hadn't told her anything up until that point). And then, before they left for the ER he was sure to make the bed, shower and then clean the shower. This is my dad, folks. Classic. It's funny because that is sooooooo him, but terrifying because most other people wouldn't have waited that long to get checked out and had he waited any longer, he'd be dead.

*Shudder*

ANYWAY, I didn't have any major epiphanies about how fragile life is or anything like that (although this was definitely a reminder). I did ponder death a little, and how strangely we deal with it, particularly in this culture...but that's another topic for another post. And I was reminded how much I don't like hospitals (they smell funny). But honestly, I don't have anything profound to say. I'm just really, really happy my dad didn't die. Here's to hoping he sticks around for a LONG time. :-)

Updates and other random stuff

2010-09-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

Hello kids. I know that many of you are simply DYING to hear about my life right now. Well...here are some important updates:

-Remember when that angry customer said he was going to write a nasty letter about how rude I am? It never came. Bummer.

-The building where I work STILL smells like poo.

-My car no longer smells of skunk. At least, I can't smell it any more. I've even driven friends around in it and they couldn't smell it either. Crisis over.

-Jacob's co-pilot internship got shut down by the FAA b/c they decided it was breaking some rule or regulation blah blah blah. So Jacob is home to stay...I'm THRILLED that he's home, but this definitely throws a wrench in the gears. Now his only option for getting commercial flight hours without flat out paying for them ($250 an hour) is to get his Flight Instructor rating and teach. Not what we had in mind, but it will be ok. There is a VERY slim chance he might be able to finish the program...the company that does it is trying to get approval from the FAA for those who are currently enrolled to finish. But the final ruling on that one is going to take 6 months minimum. For now Jacob is back and working as the managing editor at the magazine where he's been writing articles for the past year and a half. Not his ideal situation, but it'll do for the time being.

-I kind of hate everyone I work with today. Ok, that is completely not true. I kind of hate most everyone I work with today. It's like they've learned all my pet peeves and are deliberately doing all of them to piss me off. So although I know none of them will ever read this (if you work with me and you currently do or ever have read this blog, I am not talking about you), I'm going to make a couple of requests anyway...
#1: If you can see that I'm already on the phone...and particularly if I'm being yelled at by an irate customer...do not try to talk to me. Do not put things on my desk and try to tell me what they are or why you're giving them to me. Do not make hand motions in an attempt to explain it either because quite frankly, you suck at charades. I am busy focusing on my job and cannot devote any attention to you, so you really need to wait until I'm finished to dump your crap on me. I know I'm good at multi-tasking, but I'm humble enough to admit that I'm not THAT good. So just wait until I'm done for crying out loud.
#2: Do not motion for me to come to your desk to help you. Do not say, "Julie come here and fix this." I am not a dog and will not come when you call me. Nor am I your personal problem-solver or slave. If you have a question that you need help with, get off your lazy butt and come ask me. If it actually does require my presence at your desk, have the courtesy to ASK me to come over instead of telling me to. Honestly, the more you demand I come over, the more determined I will be to stay put in my chair.
#3: When you hover, it's creepy. I don't come stand behind you and read over your shoulder without any specific purpose when you're sitting at your desk, so please don't do it to me. On that same note, don't come over to my desk and expect me to entertain you. If you would like to initiate a conversation with me, I welcome it as long as you have something to say. If you come over, I ask you if you need help or have a question and you say "No I'm just bored" and then look at me like I'm supposed to do something about it, I will most likely tell you to go back to your desk and do one of the following: read a book, draw a picture, ponder the meaning of life, or come up with a plan for world peace. If you tell me you don't want to, I will suddenly become very busy working on something on my computer and ignore you until you leave. It's not my job to entertain you and if you've been working here for this long and you haven't figured out that you need to bring stuff to do when there's downtime, you deserve to sit at your desk and watch the seconds endlessly tick by. We are not children here, so stop whining like one.

-And now...politics:
Issue #1: I'd like to make a few comments on the whole "building a mosque/community centre" near Ground Zero business. Now, before everyone gets their panties in a bunch thinking I'm being disrespectful to the victims of 911, let me explain. I mean no disrespect, nor do I wish to dishonor what happened to those people. I remember quite vividly what that day felt like, it's not something I'm likely to ever forget. It was beyond terrible. However...that act of violence was carried out by a group of terrorist extremists. Islam is a HUGE religion with a larger following than Christianity, and the majority of its members are peaceful. It is not right to discriminate against them, they have just as much right to worship as everyone else.

Bottom line is, the property and permits were acquired through the proper legal channels, and refusing to allow the mosque to be built is, in my opinion, wrong. If we consider people of the Muslim faith practicing their religion in a building close to the site of 9-11 (for the record, you can't even see Ground Zero from the building) to be a slap in the face to the victims, survivors and their families...the fences will never be mended and we will never be able to move past what happened.

Issue #2: Burning Qurans is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard and Pastor Terry Jones is a freaking moron who apparently doesn't give a crap about the well-being of our troops. That's all I have to say about that one.

Alright, that's enough from me. Until next time...

I HATE SKUNKS

2010-08-21T11:38:00.001-07:00

So I was driving home from work last night...well, technically this morning at 2am...thinking of how great it was going to be to get home to my nice, soft, comfortable bed. It's been a long week and I was exhausted. So I was driving along, being sure to follow all the traffic laws because the Pleasant Grove police have nothing better to do than hide in dark corners and catch people speeding so they can give them tickets. No seriously, that's how it is. So I'm driving, I'm driving, and then...SKUNK!!!!! Right in the middle of the road, there it was. Naturally, I slammed on my breaks. In retrospect I should have just kept going, it was perfectly centered in the lane between my wheels and there's a good chance it would have lived to tell the tale to its little skunk friends. But no, I braked and it scurried...and managed to align itself just perfectly with the right tire of my car.

There was a small "thump" as I ran right over it.

It all happened pretty fast and it took me a minute to process. Wait a sec, did I just kill that skunk??? Don't ask me why, but I felt like I had to make sure so I looped around and drove past the spot where I'd hit it again and sure enough, there it was, dead in the road. SIGH. Obviously there wasn't anything I could do so I just went home feeling horribly guilty. I like animals and am not in the business of killing them. I just hope it was killed instantly and didn't have to suffer. I sadly pulled into my parking space, got out of the car and instantly my nostrils were assaulted with the worst skunk stench I've ever had the horror of sniffing.

Oh nooooooo...my car....

Yeah. Did you know that when you hit a skunk with your car, it bestows all its stink on your vehicle? Well it does.

I ran into my apartment, gagging...and called Jacob because I didn't know what else to do. I was expecting to get his voicemail b/c I assumed he'd be flying, but he actually answered.
Me: What are you doing answering your phone?
Him: What? Why are you calling?
Me: Well I was just going to leave you a voicemail.
Him: Ok, but why are you calling?
Me: I killed a skunk.
Him: You what?
Me: I ran over it on the way home from work and I killed it and the car smells AWFUL.
Him: Oh...
Me: I think the smell is coming into the house. The neighbors are going to be soooo pissed!

Side note: for those of you who don't know, we live in a fourplex...so I was worried that if it was coming into my apartment, surely it was going to make its way into the other 3...

Him: Park the car out on the street.
Me: Do you think I should go to Wal-Mart and get some stuff to wash it off?
Him: What are you going to get?
Me: I dunno, skunk cleaning stuff. Do you think they have that?
Him: Just take it to the car wash tomorrow.
Me: I don't think that will be enough. It's sooooooooooo bad.
Him: It will be fine, don't worry.
Me: Ok well I'll let you go, I just thought I'd tell you so you could call me later if you had any ideas.
Him: Sorry.

I still had no clue what to do...and then I realized that I'm probably not the first person to slaughter a skunk with a car so I hopped online and typed "skunk smell car" into the search field. No friends, I am not the first...there were TONS of suggestions. Various commercial cleaners, lemon juice, tomato juice...one guy was like, "Just leave it, it will go away in a couple of weeks." A couple of weeks??? Uh, no, that is not going to work for me. The one thing I did notice that several people listed was a combination of hydrogen peroxide, baking soda and dish soap...all of which I happened to have in the house. Score.

I mixed it all up, put it in a spray bottle and headed outside with a flashlight, my pepper spray (after all, it was 2:30am at this point) and my car keys. I sprayed the front tire EVERYWHERE...I even moved the car forward a little so I could get the part of the tire that was on the ground. I sprayed until the bottle was empty and was convinced that the smell had started to dissipate a little bit. Only time will tell now. I gathered my things and as I walked past the rear of the car the stench hit me again. Guess what everyone? Cars have two sets of wheels. TWO. And although the front tire made the initial contact with the skunk, the back tire ran over it too. I hadn't even thought to spray the rear tire and it was still stinky as ever back there. Brilliant.

I stomped into the house and grabbed my purse because of course, I had used all my hydrogen peroxide and most of the baking soda. There's a Rite Aid right down the street, they'll at least have the peroxide! I got in the car and drove to what I sadly realized was not a Rite Aid, it was a Walgreens (I should know this, I just filled a prescription there the other day). You know what the difference between Rite Aid and Walgreens is? Rite Aid is open 24 hours, Walgreens is not. FINE! I'll go to Wal-Mart, ya jerks!

I trudged through the doors of Wal-Mart and the greeter cheerfully said, "Good evening, miss!" Part of me wanted to scream, "It's 3:00am and your parking lot smells like skunk thanks to my car, it is NOT a good evening!!!!!!" But instead I smiled and said hello. I grabbed the baking soda and peroxide located the only checkstand that was open and made my way to it. There was a bell sitting on the conveyer belt and the cashier was straightening the magazines.
Him: Have you come to ring my bell?
Me: Uh, yeah, I guess so.
Him: Baking soda and hydrogen peroxide?
Me: Yup.
Him: I hope you're not planning on...blah blah blah

I really have no idea what the dude said, I'm sure it was something clever or nerdy or whatever.

Me: Actually, I ran over a skunk tonight and I read online that mixing these things w/dish soap will get the smell out.
Him: Well baking soda and peroxide will definitely help disable the compound.
Me: (Do you actually know what you're talking about dude?) Good, because my car smells AWFUL.

I got back home, mixed it up again and went outside. I attempted to spray it but it wouldn't come out. I checked the nozzle of the spray bottle, it was open. I tried a few more times in vain so I stomped back into the house to examine it in better light. It appeared that not all the baking soda had dissolved and had accumulated at the bottom of the bottle and clogged the tube thingie...so I had to wash that out, shake it until the soda dissolved and then it finally worked again. I sprayed the hell out of the rear tire and called it good.

I came back inside, threw away the empty peroxide bottles and rinsed the spray bottle before putting it in the diswasher. Then I realized my fingers were starting to hurt. NOW what??? I looked down at my hands and couldn't see anything out of the ordinary until I examined them more closely and realized there were itty bitty bubbles all over the skin on my fingers. Shit, I'm chemically burning my hands! I threw them under the faucet and washed furiously, continuing to curse at myself for not wearing rubber gloves. Fortunately all the little bubbles popped and stopped hurting (they left little red dots, but I woke up this morning and they were gone). Don't play with chemicals using your bare hands, kids, it's dumb.

At this point I was really, really tired. But I'd left the computer on so I figured I might as well check my email before going to sleep. I sat at the desk and as I logged in I realized I could still smell skunk. Oh no, it DID get in the house. Then I realized maybe the smell hadn't seeped though the windows from the car being parked too close...so I sniffed my shirt. Are you kidding me. No, really...are you freaking kidding me??? That's right friends, the smell was on ME.

Trying not to cry, I stripped down and ran into the bathroom with my stinky clothes. I threw my shirt in the sink, turned on the water, grabbed the laundry detergent and poured. I sniffed my pants again...the smell was less strong, so instead of soaking those in detergent I flung them over the shower curtain rod and proceded drench them in extra strengh Febreze. Now came the part I was truly afraid of...was it just on my clothes, or had the smell gotten on my skin and hair as well? I sniffed my slightly burned hands...they smelled like soap. I sniffed my arms, they were fine. Ok. I pulled out my ponytail and sniffed my hair. THANK GOODNESS it still smelled like conditioner!!

As my heart rate slowed down, I put on my pajamas, brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. It was just after 4:00. Paranoia of stinking up my bed led me to sniff my arms and hair a few more times, but fortunately it really was just my clothes. I drifted off to sleep...

...and as I woke up this morning, the memory of my "exciting" evening slowly crept back into my brain and I groaned. I got up and checked my pants. They smell like Febreze. Not Febreze and skunk, just Febreze. Hallelujah. My shirt, after soaking all night, appears to have lost the smell as well although I won't be positive about it until it dries all the way. Then there's the car. The baking soda/hydrogen peroxide/dish soap concoction seems to have done the trick on the back tire, but the front tire still stinks. I suppose that since it's the tire that did the actual killing, that makes sense. It's not nearly as strong as it was last night, but it's definitely still there. I think I'll take it to the car wash later today and maybe give it another dose of the peroxide stuff since I still have a bottle left. Unfortunately the smell made its way into the interior of the car a little bit...I'm trying extra strengh Febreze and letting it sit with the windows cracked, hopefully that gets rid of it.

I wish I could say I learned my lesson and I'll never kill a skunk again, but I can't because I couldn't help that it was in the middle of the road and really, this could happen to anyone. I will say, however, that any guilt I had from killing the damn thing is very much gone as I feel thoroughly and sufficiently punished.

And seriously guys, I hope this never happens to you. Or if it does, that it's not smack dab in the middle of the freaking night.

I'll keep you posted.

"Truths for Mature Humans"

2010-08-13T01:32:00.000-07:00

I have no shame...I totally stole this from a friend's blog (thank you, Nate...). But these are hilarious, mostly because they're true (at least, for me they are), so I wanted to share the love.

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

6. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

7. Bad decisions make good stories.

8. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

9. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

10. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

11. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this- ever.

12. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

13. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

17. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

18. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

19. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

20. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

21. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong!

22. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

23. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?

24. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

25. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

26. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

My Little Helper

2010-08-11T10:59:00.000-07:00

While Michael is my cuddly cat (and, let's be honest, my lazy cat who will literally sleep ALL day and only wake up to eat), Mariah is the helper kitty. She always wants to see what I'm doing and if she feels it's necessary, she tries to help. Jacob has often had her hold the pages of the book he's reading with her paw...it's really cute. Anyway, yesterday I was changing the sheets on our bed...

...and she hopped up to "help." It's not easy to make your bed when your cat is sitting on it, but I was grateful for her good intentions...silly kitty.

Rantaliciousness

2010-07-31T00:21:00.000-07:00

...I know "rantaliciousness" is not an actual word, but I like it so I'm using it...anyway, I'm feeling quite irritated tonight so I'm going to blow some steam by writing out the letters I've been composing in my head since arriving at work. Enjoy. Or feel free to skip this post. Either way I'll still like you.

Dear building where I work,
Do you think you could try not to smell like poo? I know the stupid sewage treatment plant is nearby and that is not your fault, but what happened to those amazing carbon filters which are supposedly so fine they stop the smelly particles from coming through the ventilation system? So far I'm slightly nauseated and really not impressed. I mean, my linen sky scented Febreze initially does a stellar job of masking the stench, but unfortunately after a few minutes it just smells like poopy laundry. Nobody likes poopy laundry. So if you would kindly work on that, my co-workers and I would really appreciate it. You don't even have to smell nice, you can smell like nothing and that's completely fine.
Thanks,
-Julie

Dear jackass in Texas who yelled at me for 15 minutes today,
I look forward to the letter of complaint you're going to mail to the office about how rude I was to you. I'd like to summarize our conversation to aid you in your description of how you were so wrongfully abused.

You: I'm not your customer any more, you can't bill me!
Me: Sir while the monthly billing on your account has been taken over by our sister company, it was our technician who came out to service your alarm system so that's why we billed you that service charge.
You: You need to give me back my f****** money and refund my f****** overdraft fees!
Me: Did you sign the service ticket authorizing the service charge?
You: Yes.
Me: Well I do apologize you're upset, but I really can't refund the money or the overdraft fees.
You: I want to speak to someone above you, you're unbending and not helpful at all.
Me: I apologize sir, my boss doesn't take customer calls. My job is to handle these escalated situations.
You: You can't bill me!
Me: Sir you did sign the service ticket agreeing to the charge.
You: But you didn't have permission to bill me!

--After several minutes of you repeating the above argument--

You: You just don't give a s***! You aren't sympathetic and you f****** don't give a s***!
Me: It's not that I don't care, it's that as a company we did nothing wrong so I can't give you what you're asking for. We billed you for services rendered. Please understand my position, it's not that I enjoy telling you that I can't refund those fees, it's that this is the policy of the company that I have been hired to enforce. Believe me, I would much rather tell you I can refund everything, but the fact of the matter is I simply can't do that.
You: Do you have a survey I can fill out about how f****** rude you are?
Me: No sir, we don't have a survey.
You: Do you have anything you can send me I can fill out and send back to tell your boss about how g****** rude you are?
Me: No sir I don't have anything I can send you.
You: Can I write a f****** letter?
Me: Yes sir, you're welcome to write a letter.
You: What's your f****** name and employee ID?
Me: (gave info)
You: What's the address of your piece of s*** company?
Me: blah blah blah street address...American Fork...
You: ...what the hell is American Fork??
Me: The city where our building is located.
You: That's the stupidest city I've ever heard, what state?
Me: Utah.
You: *chuckling like that explains everything*I've never heard anything good about Utah.
Me: zip code is blah blah
You: Wow, they're REALLY not going to like what I'm writing about you.
Me: Well sir I do apologize if you felt I was being rude, that was not my intent. I was simply trying to answer your questions and I'm sorry you didn't like the answers I gave you.
You: Thank you sooooooooo much for being the least helpful person I've ever talked to.
Me: Ok sir...did you have any other questions you wanted to ask?
You: I'm not recommending your company to anyone, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure everyone knows how s***** your company is and how rude you are.
Me: Alright sir.

So please hurry and get that letter sent, my co-workers and I are going to get a huge kick out of it. Oh yeah, do you know where all the customer complaint letters go? To the customer service supervisors. Perhaps I failed to mention that. And do you know what's going to happen to your letter? 1 of 2 scenarios...the first and most likely being the supervisor who handles incoming mail will open it (unless it arrives on a Friday which is his day off...then it will probably come to me first), read it, note your account w/what it said and how we're still not going to cave to your demands since legally we don't have to, and then after he shares it with the other supervisors and we all have a good laugh, I will scan it into the system and give it to the file room to be placed in your file where nothing else will be done. The second and very unlikely scenario would be that it does actually get to my boss, who will then listen the call, pull me into his office and we will both have a grand time making fun of you and talking about how you're a complete tool. Maybe you could send it via FedEx overnight delivery and expedite the fun!
Screw you,
-Julie

Dear former co-worker who quit w/out notice because I wrote you up for violating multiple company policies and because another supervisor told you that actually, you're not the MVP of the call center and everyone here (including supervisors) is 100% replaceable,
First off, I wrote you up because that's my job. When you break important rules...such as, don't blatantly flirt w/the techs because it causes huge problems (like the time you got totally wigged out because that one tech kept asking for you and kept hanging up on everyone who wasn't you)...I have to write you up. Heeeeeey and remember how you told everyone you had to quit your last job because all the guys in the office were hitting on you? Do you really think the same problem happening to you at this job is purely coincidental? Stop being a whore.
And if you really thought that telling me you didn't know that deliberately making up important data on an account b/c the tech didn't want to ask the customer for the correct info is something you weren't supposed to do, you're a bigger idiot than I thought. Seriously.
As for the other supervisor telling you that you're not God's gift to the call center, I just have one question: have you ever actually worked in a call center before or are you really that arrogant? Because when you work for a company where your training consists of sitting in a huge room and learning the same exact thing as 20 other people, that does not mean you're special.
I was slightly offended but extremely relieved when I heard about your dramatic exit.
Oh...and your name is stupid.
-Julie

*Sigh of relief at having successfully vented*

Yeah, I know I can be nasty (but I say kudos to me for having enough self-control not to say this to anyone's face...and knowing that no one I talked about here has any idea I even have a blog, let alone what the URL is). And I'm really beginning to think I probably won't last at this job for more than another year or so. Despite my other post about having a sliver a hope that not everyone in this country throws a temper tantrum if they don't get their way...a sliver is only a tiny piece of the pie, and this lady likes her portions large. Uh, yeah. Not sure how effective that metaphor is, but now I'm craving banana cream...

ANYWAY, I'm signing off...thanks for reading and if you didn't, I don't blame you. Seriously, I don't. :-) Happier things next time I hope!

Dear Adam...

2010-07-28T14:09:00.000-07:00

...I rather like this new single of yours, but do you think for your next video, you could get a haircut? That would be really, really good.

Love,
Julie

And the status of my soul is...

2010-07-07T22:34:00.000-07:00

I'm getting to the point at work where my soul is feeling extra dead (yeah, I need to take some time off...I haven't had a day off other than weekends since January). And lately I've become increasingly alarmed and disgusted by the American public and what feels like everyone's inability/unwillingness to accept responsibility for themselves. It's very hard to keep my end of the conversation professional when someone is yelling at me about how it's the company's fault that the sales representative who sold them their system failed to tell them about certain terms and conditions of their contract, even though said terms are printed in black and white right in front of their face. And I'm not talking about the fine print on the back, either. I get yelled at on a regular basis for things that are right on the front, usually in bold letters. When I ask these people if they read the contract, I often get the same answer: "NO I did not read it because I was trusting what YOUR representative told me!"

Ok. Here's the thing...I am all too aware that there is a reason why door to door salesman have the reputation that they do. Unfortunately, while there are many who are honest...there are probably more who are not. HOWEVER, having said that, I think that it is the customer's responsibility as a consumer to actually READ things before they sign them. And anyone who signs a big ole' legal-sized document without reading at least the front of it is a complete moron. I truly do find it appalling that people genuinely expect me to allow them to breach their contract without penalty on the grounds that they didn't bother to read it (I'd also like to point out that if they don't read it when they sign it, they have 3 business days after signing where they can cancel w/out penalty, so they have plenty of time to read it and cancel if they find something they don't like).

But I digress...back to my soul being dead. So the past few days at work I've been feeling extra discouraged by the stupidity of the American public. But today, I can assure you that a sliver of my soul is still alive and well, and hope remains that not every customer we have is an idiot. My co-worker was checking out some of our reviews online (after an escalated call in which a customer told him he'd found over 10,000 negative complaints about us online...yeah, we have around 450 w/the BBB, most of which have been resolved...), and he stumbled across this little gem on alarmsystemreviews.com, which truly made my freaking day:

I have been doing business with Platinum Protection for over two years now and have had nothing but professionalism from them. I've read some of these other reviews and have to think that most of the people who have complaints are those same people wondering where their Nigerian puppies and British Lottery winnings are.
Are you seriously upset because a company's CEO won't talk to you and listen to your rant? What CEO takes phone calls? You can't talk to ADT's, Monitronics', SAI's, Brink's or any other companies' executive level. Try calling Microsoft and asking for Bill Gates. He's not even the CEO and I bet you don't get to speak with him. Most CEO's hire people to take CS calls for them. They aren't secretaries, they have a specific job to do. Maybe the reason you can't talk to anyone beyond a supervisor is because unlike other companies where you have to be transferred to four to five differnet people before finding someone who can make a decision, Platinum trusts their reps and supervisors to uphold company policy AND serve their customers.
To the people that complain about the sales pitch: Be a grown-up and take responsibility for your actions. If you sign a contract without reading it then you're an idiot.
To the people who need some help with the CS department: I've never had a problem, mainly because I researched the equipment and read the contract. But on the rare occasion when I need service done I've had the pleasure of speaking with Christopher in the service department, Michael, Jared and Julie in customer service. All of these people represented themselves and their company extremely well.
Bad experiences are just mirrors of the way we treat the people around us. Were you professional, calm and speak with common courtesy, or did you yell, scream and swear, threatening lawsuits unless you get your way? If you did the latter than you were probably treated as hostile and given the base-line policy. Have any of you ever done their job, or worked in the food industry? I manage a restaurant, and I'm here to tell you people are jerks. It's like dealing with little kids all day. So the next time you call, remember the golden rule and treat the rep answering the phone like you want to be treated, I promise they will change your mind.

YES! An intelligent customer! Someone who understands the importance of being a responsible adult (Oh and yes, that "Julie" is me)! So thank you, anonymous poster with the positive review, you have restored a little bit of my faith in the American public.

A Bad Movie Sampler

2010-07-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

So, my friend has recently started a blog critiquing the awful movies he watches (see Cinematic Casualty in my list of crazy bloggers...). I have been present for 3 out of the 4 he's reviewed thus far and have come to the realization that there really never will be a shortage of awful movies to write about. And every time you think you've found the worst movie ever, there will surely be another one that comes along to knock it out of first place. I'm grateful, because otherwise we'd never have things like Mystery Science Theater 3000 (which I enjoy tremendously) but I'm also horrified that people actually get funding and actors to make these pieces of junk.

Anyway, here's a taste of just a few that we've been watching lately (and if you haven't already, see the video I posted from Troll 2, which still ranks as #1 on my list of worst movies ever made)...

First we have the Wishmaster series (check out the Cinematic Casualty blog for a full review of I, III and IV...we're still working on finding II). If you ever have the opportunity to make a wish from a Djinn, be sure you have your attorney present to put it in writing, otherwise the result most likely will be the very loosest and most gruesome interpretation of what you actually requested. And you may be attacked by "scary" monsters not unlike this fella...

Uh, yeah. "RUN! IT'S A BUNCH OF BLOODY BONES THAT WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO OVERPOWER!" Horrifying.

Then we have The Curse of King Tut's Tomb." Unfortunately (cough cough), I wasn't able to see the end of this puppy due to having to work, but if I had to sum it up I'd say it's the worst Indiana Jones rip off I have ever seen. And the only one, really. But still, it was BAD.

And most recently..."WHAT ARE THOSE???" you're asking? Well, I will tell you. They're giant leeches, courtesy of the amazing studio that brought us Komodo vs. Cobra.

Tell me, if the Army was working with a bunch of scientists trying to make jumbo-corn in an effort to feed the world and decided to see if the same stuff that makes giant plants would work on animals, wouldn't it be more logical to try it on something more docile like, say, a bunny? Or a hamster? No. You'd be wrong. Apparently using a couple of highly venomous reptiles is a better idea. Geniuses.

......................

So there you have it. I will leave the actual reviewing to my friend, but if you're ever in the mood for some really horrible films, these definitely fit the bill. :-)

Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-21T10:40:00.001-07:00

My dad is awesome too (do you love how the only pics I have of my parents are from my wedding? Sheesh).

WORST.MOVIE.EVER

2010-06-17T22:32:00.000-07:00

...no seriously, this is the worst movie I've ever seen. The plot, the acting...AWFUL.

Oh and Holly...the leotard-clad/awesome dance moves older sister...yeah, that's the chick from The Singles Ward.

Enjoy.

Apology

2010-06-07T23:55:00.000-07:00

Dear everyone who has called me, texted me, e-mailed me or otherwise contacted me and I have failed to respond...also to those I have promised to contact in any of the ways listed here but have not done so,

I sincerely apologize.

Between dealing with my stress-filled job, preparing myself for the fact that starting next week I will only see my husband once every month or two as he will be living in a completely different state for the next year...and, of course, experiencing the emotional roller-coaster that is this lovely infertility situation...I really haven't been up for much...of anything.

I'm not trying to whine and I hope this doesn't come across as me throwing myself a big ole' pity party because that's not how I roll. I love you all and I always appreciate your kind words, your support and your friendship. I'm just in a weird place...someplace I've never been before...and for the time being I prefer to be here alone (if it makes anyone feel better, at least my negligence isn't discriminatory, right?).

So I wanted to say I'm sorry for not being the type of friend that I usually am. And I also wanted to reassure everyone that I'm not sitting in a black suicidal hole of despair...despite what my lack of contact might look like I am ok, I promise. I just really gotta figure this out on my own. I will try to do better though, so please don't give up on me. :-)

Here We Are

2010-06-01T01:26:00.001-07:00

Well friends...

This is it. Go big or go home...we're bringing out the big guns and giving it all we've got. I hope the payout is a big one. But if not, at least I'll know. Part of what drives me so incredibly crazy is not knowing...it's trying to keep hope alive all while having my dreams cruelly and repeatedly smashed in front of my face. So even if things don't go the way I want them to, at least I will have some sort of closure. I will have given it literally everything I have and to finally know, even if the pain is awful and the healing is long, will be a relief. Roughly 2 more months and it will be done in one way or another.

It's absolutely terrifying and exciting at the same time.

...what do you say to taking chances?
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold or hell to pay
What do you say,
What do you say?

I say...bring it.

I'll keep you posted.

Take 2

2010-05-18T01:26:00.000-07:00

Ok this is the letter I actually sent to Studio 5...I cleaned it up a bit...

Dear KSL's Studio 5,

Question...what in the world made you think it was a good idea to air a story on how to cope with infertility featuring a woman who has a child? No, I did not miss the part where you went over how she struggled for a long time to conceive and went through a couple failed rounds of in vitro which I'm sure was very traumatic...but then she got pregnant on her own so...what gives? What, pray tell, are those of us who are still childless and rapidly having to face the possitility (if it hasn't been concluded already) that we may never have biological children, supposed to learn from this? That after we've spent thousands of dollars on failed treatments there's still hope? That maybe we'll be lucky enough to experience some kind of miracle like she did? And how exactly did you expect us to feel when she tearfully expressed how hard it is to tell her little boy that he might never have a sibling? Are we supposed to feel bad that she may be stuck with just one child while some of us could very likely end up with no children at all? No seriously, please tell me because I'm REALLY not understanding how this is supposed to help me or anyone else in my position.

Truly, I felt that story was in extremely poor taste...shame on you! While that woman did have some good advice and suggestions, you featuring her as some kind of expert on acceptance is absolutely and insensitively ridiculous. Because when it comes down to it, she had to "accept" the fact that she was infertile for what, a few years tops? Yeah yeah yeah, she has to accept the fact that she may never have another child but seriously lady, be grateful for what you have because there are PLENTY of people who will never have that joy. And as far as I know, we childless couples would be perfectly happy with just one child. Studio 5, did you honestly think we'd relate to that or were you just rubbing salt in our wounds?

I don't think it's unreasonable of me to ask that you take more than 2 seconds to freaking THINK about the stories you cover before you actually air them. Maybe next time you could, you know, talk to someone who is CURRENTLY dealing with infertility and see how they would respond to your "dealing with hard stuff" feature. Because quite frankly, you made it worse.

Hurtfully and angrily signed,
Julie

Ummmm...

2010-05-15T15:37:00.000-07:00

Dear KSL's Studio 5,

Question...what in the world made you think it was a good idea to air a story on how to cope with infertility featuring a woman who has a child? No, I did not miss the part where you went over how she struggled for a long time to conceive and went through a couple failed rounds of in vitro which I'm sure was very traumatic...but then she got pregnant on her own so...what gives? What, pray tell, are those of us who are still childless and rapidly having to face the possibility that we may never have biological children, supposed to learn from this? That after we've spent thousands of dollars on failed treatments there's still hope? That maybe we'll be lucky enough to experience some kind of miracle like she did? And how exactly did you expect us to feel when she sadly expressed how hard it is to tell her little boy that he might never have a sibling? Are we supposed to feel bad that she may be stuck with just one child while some of us very likely could end up with no children at all? No seriously, please tell me because I'm REALLY not understanding how this is supposed to help me or anyone else in my position.

Maybe I'm just bitter at the moment. Maybe I'm simply struggling with the fact that if this round of treatment doesn't work, I have just one option left which is incredibly expensive and in no way guarantees I will become a mother. But truly, I felt that story was in extremely poor taste. Granted, the fact that I just happened to see it while in the waiting room at the fertility clinic was a big fat dose of irony I really didn't need or appreciate and that is not your fault...but still, shame on you. While that woman did have some good advice and suggestions (although, no offense, I did the whole relying on the Lord thing and it got me absolutely nowhere), you featuring her as some kind of expert on acceptance is, pardon my french, complete BULLSHIT. Because when it comes down to it, she had to "accept" the fact that she was infertile for what, a few years tops? Yeah yeah yeah, she has to accept the fact that she may never have another child. But as far as I know, we childless couples would be perfectly happy with only one child. So did you honestly think we'd relate to that?? Seriously lady, be grateful for what you have because there are PLENTY of people who will never have what you do.

So yeah, I'm angry. And perhaps I'm taking this anger out on your retarded show. But do you think it's unreasonable of me to ask that you take more than 2 seconds to freaking THINK about the stories you cover before you actually air them? Maybe next time you could, you know, talk to someone who is currently dealing w/infertility and see how they would respond to your "dealing with hard stuff" feature.

Frustratedly and angrily signed,
Julie

Here's the video if you can stomach it. Be warned, it's pretty long.

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T17:08:00.000-07:00

My mom is pretty darn cool. :-)

Oh Elyse...

2010-05-04T01:25:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday today (well, technically yesterday, seeing as how it's 2:30am on Tuesday), and as I was walking into the office cursing myself for not taking the day off, an explosion of pink and purple and all things girlie met my eyes...

...haha yeah. My co-worker, Elyse, decided to decorate my cubicle. I can't remember the last time anyone did something like this for me, and as embarassing as it was (I just dunno what to do w/all that attention), it totally made working on my birthday bearable. So thanks Elyse, you crazy woman!

YES

2010-05-01T01:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, you've probably all seen this already b/c it's all over the place, but I couldn't resist...love it!!!

Grrrr

2010-04-22T21:44:00.001-07:00

Two questions:

1-Why do some guys think that relentlessly making fun of people is funny? I have several co-workers of the male persuasion who don't know when to stop and genuinely think that finding ways to laugh at anyone else's expense is hilarious and totally socially acceptable. No, my feelings are not hurt...their stupidity does not cause me emotional distress, I just find it extremely irritating.

2-Why is it that guys expect you to find their mockery of you humorous but when you turn the tables and burn them with some mad teasing skills of your own, they get offended? I'm just saying, don't dish it out if you can't take it (you big babies).

In conclusion...boys, a little teasing is good. But you can only take it so far before it's ceases to be funny and becomes annoying. So learn when to stop...if you don't know how much is too much, find a nice, honest female friend to ask. Because seriously, you're not as funny as you think you are.

Tragedy...

2010-04-22T00:46:00.000-07:00

I was on facebook last night and noticed a few of my friends had posted a request for everyone to pray for the husband of their friend who went missing while hiking in Hawaii last week. This friend of theirs is a girl I went to junior high and high school with...I wouldn't say she and I were friends, but she was in some of my classes, we did a play together, etc...so I definitely can say I know who she is.

Well...I checked the local news websites tonight to see if there was any kind of follow up, and it appears they have found his body. It hasn't "officially" been identified as him, but the description of his clothing matches...so...yeah.

Sick doesn't even begin to cover how I feel for her and their son...I cannot fathom what it would be like to lose your husband or father. I pray they will be able to find peace soon.

Crazy how events like this force you to really appreciate what you have.

STUPID people

2010-04-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

I went to Wal-Mart yesterday. I parked the car, started walking towards the store and noticed a man and a little boy walking in front of me...the kid couldn't have been older than 2 or 3. The man seemed to be in a hurry, and was repeatedly scolding the child for not keeping up with him, to which said child responded, "Daddy my legs are tired!" So the man irritatedly picked him up. My blood started to heat up a bit...but whatever, right? We both grabbed a cart, and the man proceeded to try to put the boy into the child's seat and when his legs didn't go in the right way the first time, he said, "Look at what you're doing, you little shithead!"

My blood went from slightly warm to intensely boiling.

Those of you who know me are aware that I am not super awesome at hiding how I feel about things. So naturally I shot him the most malevolent stinkeye I could muster and as I walked past I muttered, "Nice going Dad...real nice." He gave me a look that said, "You don't know what it's like, you don't have a kid to inconvenience you at the grocery store."

Ok...he probably wasn't thinking that. He was probably thinking of some more colorful language. But that's what it seemed like to me.

Moving on...as I maneuvered my cart through the toilet paper aisle (which was actually the sole reason I was there, but since I bothered to go I figured I should probably pick up the rest of the stuff on the grocery list, despite the fact that it was in no way as urgent as the toilet paper), I'm pretty sure people were wondering who peed in my Cheerios because again...*points to self*...not good at hiding emotions.

Seriously though, it's stuff like that which makes this infertility business especially hard for me. I'm able to deal with being the only one of my married friends without kids, I'm able to deal with people asking me why I don't have kids and thinking that it's because I'm selfish or a bad person (see previous "Cheesy Moment" post), I'm able to deal with my friends working on babies #2 and #3 while I'm still desperately working on baby #1 (and I'm even genuinely happy for them!)...but this kind of thing, no....no. I try not to judge...I know that if I am ever lucky enough to have children of my own I will not be a perfect parent, and I know that sometimes your kids can work your last nerve until the patience which was previously hanging by a thread is totally gone...but I would never say something like that to a child. I don't think most parents do. But I see that, and it's like..."Dear Universe, what the hell??? That douchebag is a father and I got nothing???? You suck...and I kinda hate you."

But...of course, life isn't fair. I've been hearing that since I was little (thanks Mom and Dad...oh, and thanks for not swearing at me and calling me derogatory names). I just hope that...WHEN I'm a mom (go, positive thinking!), I will ALWAYS remember how precious of a gift it is to have kids (which will in turn lead to me not being a jerk to them, even if I am in a hurry at the grocery store)...

...I'm pretty sure I will.

Of All the Random Things...

2010-04-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

A few days ago Jacob and I went to the infertility clinic to do another round of IUI. It's always a slightly awkward moment when they call us back to "collect" from Jacob, but the past couple times we've been there he's been joking with the lab tech about the contents of "the folder" and all that good stuff...it helps ease the awkwardness.

ANYWAY, in the room where they send us to get the sample, there's this...I guess the only way to describe it is a beanie-baby type thing in the shape of a sperm. Yes...you read that correctly, they make sperm toys. Or something. So...the last time we were there Jacob asked the lab tech where in the world they got that, and he said it was from an infertility convention. Then he showed us some of the other things the doctors have come back with...magnets, pens, stickers...and most random of all, a shot of vanilla liquor in a sperm-shaped shot glass. That's right...sperm alcohol. So naturally as soon as Jacob saw that he asked if he could have it because really, who doesn't want to own something like that (you know you all want one)? The lab tech said no because that's the only one they had.

So this time when we were called back, Jacob inquired again as to whether he might be able to take it home to have and cherish. The lab tech just laughed and said no...and that was that.

Now, the process for IUI is kind of a long one...they get the sperm and then we have to wait for 2 hours while they wash it and separate the strong swimmers from the weak ones. Yeah, it's good times. Anyway, after the 2 hrs had passed and they called us back again, the nurse said that the lab tech told her to give something to us, and then she handed Jacob his very own sperm-shaped shot. I have no idea whether they found another one or if he decided they could part with the one they had. But needless to say, Jacob was elated. And I am including some pictures for your viewing pleasure (please forgive the fuzziness, I'm not super-skilled at taking close-up pics):

I know you can't really see it b/c the picture is fuzzy, but on the tag there's a little sperm saying "Ich komme!" Which, if my limited knowledge of German holds true, means "I come!" Priceless.

So yeah, if you ever need to do any type of infertility treatment you should try asking the clinic what kind of awesome swag they have...haha...you could end up with something awesome.

Doctor Douchemonkey

2010-04-02T19:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Doctor who doesn't want to treat anyone who voted for Obama,

While I think you are within your rights to post your little sign instructing all those who voted for our current president to seek health care someplace other than your office...

...I think your hissy fit/temper tantrum (I'm pretty sure that since you went to college and then medical school, it's safe to say you're at least 8 years old) is pathetic, and I've concluded that you're a douchemonkey. We democrats will take our bladder infections elsewhere as I'm sure there are many urologists who will be happy to treat us despite our political affiliation.

In closing, I'd like to kindly ask you to please try to remember what being a doctor means...because last time I checked, doctors were supposed to diagnose and treat people, not punish them for believing differently.

Yeah...there's no love here,
Julie

A Cheesy Moment

2010-03-29T21:25:00.000-07:00

So...I was at work tonight...doing busywork, getting yelled at...you know, the usual. And then my mom called. This is not an infrequent thing, she calls every couple of weeks to remind me about family dinner or ask about something or other...and this phone call started out no different. She wanted to be sure she told me what time we're having Easter dinner this Sunday and to see how Jacob did when he was in Vegas working on his pilot stuff last week.

But then (after I'd reassured her I hadn't forgotten about dinner and reported that Jacob did just fine in Vegas), she said, "This may sound stupid, but I've been thinking about it a lot and I wanted to tell you that I know the reason you're having a hard time getting pregnant is not because you did anything wrong."

Whoa. Didn't see that one coming.

I didn't quite know how to respond...so I waited for her to continue. She told me that she knows that the reason I haven't been able to get pregnant is not because I'm being punished for the choices I've made in my life. She said I'm a good person and she loves me and she hopes I don't think this is my fault. Totally floored (and somewhat emotionally stunted by the fact that I was at work and would rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than let my co-workers see me cry), I thanked her, said that means a lot to me and that I love her too...and then told her I'll see her Sunday and we hung up.

I'm not writing about this because I'm astounded that my mom would say that to me...I'm actually not. While everyone else in my family doesn't usually say those types of things to each other, my mom is the exception and has no problem saying how she feels no matter how sappy it may be. It's just that...with this situation in particular...well, let me put it this way: I will NEVER forget the day my mom and I discussed my decision to leave the church. My mom is one of the most faithful women you will ever meet, and I know I hurt her badly when I told her. She cried. There are few things in this world that are more horrible than making your mom cry. So because this subject is so very sensitive to her (and because if I ever make her cry again I will probably shoot myself), I haven't told her the things people have said to me. I never told her about how people in my ward and some of my friends told me if I'm good the Lord will bless me w/a child. Didn't tell her how a few of them told me I'm obviously not trying hard enough to be righteous. I most definitely left out the part where one person in particular let me know in no uncertain terms that God was refusing to send his spirit children to me because he doesn't want them raised in an unrighteous home. I didn't tell her how when I lost my baby two years ago I REALLY struggled w/the idea that God had taken away that child from me because I wasn't righteous enough to be a mother...and how sometimes to this day it's still a nagging thought in the back of my head.

So...not knowing any of those things...that's what she said to me. Do I think she was "inspired" to say that? No, not particularly. But what I do think is that sometimes, life hands you these cheesy moments (courtesy of your mom, or your friend, or whoever...) and if you let them, they'll help get you through the bad stuff. :-)

Strawberries

2010-03-28T14:37:00.000-07:00

Dear man w/the very large and VERY hairy buttcrack on display right in front of me in the grocery store checkout line,

Please, please, please...stand up straight. That's all it would take to cover that monstrosity. Please, I beg you...I'm running out of other things to look at, I'm having a hard time pretending I don't notice (because I can see everyone else around me noticing), and your wife is taking forever trying to use the stupid card swipe thing. Seriously, all I needed to buy was these strawberries, this should have been a 2 minute trip and now it's been 5 minutes and your buttcrack is still right in my face.

Love...but not really,
Julie

(And then, after he stood up...)

PRAISE THE LORD THANK YOU!

(Sorry kids, no picture to display on this one!)

Enchilada

2010-03-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

Remember a few posts ago when I "wrote a letter to my co-worker" about him being super loud and annoying? Yes...well...he is no longer employed here (SCORE!), much to my ears' delight. But that's not why I'm writing (and before you go thinking I'm a horrible person for being happy about someone losing their job, I'd like to clarify that he's still selling security systems for the company, he's just not working in the corproate office any more...so he's not out on the street with no money).

ANYHOO, moving on to the point...on my lunch break tonight as I was eating my Lean Cuisine enchilada, I found myself talking to it (not out loud, mind you...) and suddenly realized that I have a weird quirk where I tend to compose letters in my head. Seriously, I do it all the time. These "letters" range from observations I make about the people around me to the inanimate objects I tend to talk to (come on, I bet if you think about it you'll realize you talk to things way more than you'd care to admit...). So in an effort to post on a more regular basis and because I think it's funny, I'm going to start sharing these brain letters in between my other rants about politics (yay health care reform!), my moral high horse (let Constance take her girlfriend to prom!), pictures of my cats, infertility updates (nothing yet), etc. And what could be more appropriate than starting out with the letter I wrote to my dinner?
Ahem....

Dear Lean Cuisine Enchilada,
You came out of the microwave smelling a lot like plastic, you burned the inside of my mouth (ok, that one was probably my fault), I am very suspicious about the contents of this torilla as I have never had an enchilada that tasted even remotely close to how this one tastes, and I have a feeling my tummy is going to hurt later. However, I would like to say kudos on the sauce, and I guess that for a supposedly healthy frozen dinner, you taste ok.
Love,
Julie
Yeah, I suppose I'm a little nuts...but it keeps me entertained (and hopefully it will entertain some of you as well).

This is one reason why I'm so passionate about this subject...

2010-03-09T23:24:00.001-08:00

I Really Like My Cats

2010-02-25T12:54:00.001-08:00

Quilt

2010-02-23T12:52:00.000-08:00

Jacob's grandma was kind enough to make me this patchwork quilt, which I just got in the mail the other day. She has a TON of fabric, and when we were in Washington at Christmas she had Jacob's sister and me each pick a color scheme. Cool huh?

Uh...don't ask what I'm doing...looking regal perhaps? Anyway, I LOVE to cuddle up on the couch in a blanket and watch TV...and quilts are my favorite, so this was the perfect gift. :-)

NOT Having It

2010-02-20T09:21:00.001-08:00

In case anyone was wondering, THIS (*circles oneself to show bubble of personal space*) is a drama-free zone. Totally, completely, 100% drama-free. So please stop acting like we're still in high school and keep the drama to yourself. If you're really that bored, here's a list of things you can do to entertain yourself:

-watch a movie
-catch up on your soap opera...or get hooked on one if you haven't already
-read a book (I'm happy to suggest some good ones other than Twilight)
-go to the gym
-go for a walk
-go for a drive
-play a video game
-start a blog
-go shopping
-learn to knit
-learn to cook...or if you already know how, try a new recipe
-hold your own iron chef competition
-draw or paint a picture
-learn the meaning of life
-listen to some music

There are 15 perfectly good suggestions for you. Please try one, instead of assaulting me with your stupid accusations and he said/she said bullshit. Because I'm busying doing other things, like working full time (and overtime) to support my husband while he finishes school, making multiple trips to the infertility clinic to try to start a family, paying rent and other bills...ya know, grown-up stuff.

Thank you.

Every job I've had has one of these...

2010-02-16T09:53:00.000-08:00

Dear co-worker who sits 2 rows behind me,

You talk so very loudly, you are an "expert" on everything, you make things up to try and impress those who could potentially give you your commission (or anyone who will listen, really), you butt into conversations you haven't been invited to participate in (conversations going on several rows away from you), and whenever anyone tells you a story you always have one that's better than theirs.

But truthfully, all I hear from you is "Blah blah blah blah blah...BLAH BLAH BLAH."

Still, if you wanted to shut up I certainly wouldn't have any objection to that.

Thanks,
Julie

Worst Music Video Ever (or is it the best??)

2010-02-02T13:07:00.001-08:00

Ok ok, to make up for my last post which wasn't exactly a happy one...I'm posting this video. You've probably all seen it, but it's worth another look. It will bring you joy...and then pain...and then joy again. :-)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2010-01-31T18:44:00.000-08:00

Before anyone reads this, please be aware...it is never my intention to offend, but I will not censor this to spare anyone's feelings, nor am I going to soften the blow of what I have to say here even though I know a lot of people don't agree. So...you've been warned.

I am well aware that my views are vastly different from the majority of people in this area so I expect to "agree to disagree" most of the time. I have a "live and let live" philosophy...as long as your beliefs aren't hurting people, I think you should be able to believe whatever you want. This is a philosophy I have fiercely defended, truly believing if everyone could just have RESPECT for each other, it would work. I still believe that. But something I'm quickly realizing is that the day men all have mutual respect is most likely gonna be the day hell freezes over. Therefore, I cannot live and let live because those who feel differently than I do are not going to let me. This is not how I want it to be, but I can't change it.

There are several things that have triggered this post...recent comments by "religious" guru Pat Robertson as well as Rush Limbaugh regarding the Haiti earthquake (and the Olbermann clip condemning said comments...kudos to you, Keith!) and the Massachusetts election/health care reform shake-up, to name just two. I have found myself surprisingly alarmed by what is happening and feel I can't be silent any more.

Really though, the straw that broke the camel's back was a discussion I found myself roped into with a co-worker a couple weeks ago. I had no intention of talking about anything controversial, but this particular individual loves to "poke the bear"...I usually know better than to take the bait, but apparently I had a moment of insanity that day. The comment that started it all was him saying, "Salt Lake City is getting too diverse, and that's a really bad thing."

Um, seriously??

I told him that I most enthusiastically disagree w/his statement because diversity is something Utah DEFINITELY needs more of...the conversation took off from there and eventually we got into the issue of gay rights. You all know how I feel about gay rights...so I was like, bring it on. We talked for a solid 2 hours (while we worked, of course)...and honestly, it was really frightening. Here are just a few of the things he said:
-He doesn't want his children taught acceptance and tolerance of gays
-The day our government stops being run by only Christians it will fail because the founding fathers were Christians (not true--Franklin and Jefferson believed in a higher power...they were deists but were most definitely NOT Christians) and that non-Christians shouldn't have a say in government
-Governments in Muslim countries work only because they are solely influenced by Islam (WHAT???? I did bring up the fact that women have no rights whatsoever and he did agree that was wrong, but he said "the rest of it works," whatever that means)
-Once gays are allowed to marry our society will fail just like ancient Greece & Rome (he refused to even listen when I pointed out how Europen countries such as Denmark have allowed gay marriage for several years now (since 1989 to be exact) and society over there is still completely intact to say the VERY least)
-When I asked him exactly how allowing gay marriage was going to hurt anyone, he said in lots of ways. I asked him to name just one...and after thinking for a few moments he said "I don't have an answer for you"
-This wasn't said during my conversation w/him, but on another occasion when asked why he decided to start learning karate, he said in all seriousness, "because I know that one day I will have to fight off the homosexuals"
-Again, not said during our conversation, but he told another co-worker he thinks progressives are narrow-minded and carry Satan's agenda...he knows this because he has a relationship with God and God tells him that's right

I am aware that he is obviously an extremist...but the thing is, how different are his views from other religious conservatives? I'm finding when it comes down to it, not that much...and that truly frightens me. Why do they fight so hard against gay marriage? Why do they fight against stem-cell research when it could save so many lives (did you know Orrin Hatch supports it?)? Why do they insist that we not abort babies (for the record, I am NOT in ANY WAY advocating abortion) but they are willing to deny health care to millions of people who need it...what makes an unborn human so much more valuable than a born one?

Ultimately, here is my question: do people actually think about this stuff, or do they simply oppose it because that's what their leaders...religious or otherwise...tell them to do?

I've gotta be honest with you, I think I know the answer...it seems to me that people like my co-worker are sheep...sheep who believe they are following God's will. And if someone believes they are doing something in the name of God, it is pretty much impossible to reason with them (you're not going to be able to talk a suicide bomber out of blowing himself into smithereens). For example, he couldn't give me an answer as to how gay marriage is going to hurt anyone because he's never thought about it, he just knows that they tell him in Sunday school that it's wrong. The same could be said for any of the issues I mentioned and more. Now, am I right all the time? Absolutely not, that's ridiculous. Bottom line is, I'm not asking anyone to change their morals...I'm not asking anyone to share my views. I just want people to think.

So...what do I do about this? Good question. I refuse to shove my views down other people's throats. If it really makes you uncomfortable to talk to me about something, we can change the subject. If you don't want to read my blog entries, I'm not going to hold a gun to your head and make you. Basically I'm going to continue to try to live and let live...but I will most definitely not be silent while my gay friends are denied marriage, while people are dying because someone is afraid of "murdering" an embryo (an embryo without any nerves or consciousness), and so on. It's a difficult balance.

Maybe someday we'll be able to realize that our differences won't hurt us. Maybe someday we will respect each other. I truly, truly hope so.

"Playing"

2010-01-25T08:29:00.000-08:00

Jacob insists he's just playing w/my cat and that Michael actually likes it...however, typically when you play w/your pet it doesn't lead to your pet chasing you around the house before he leaps onto you and sinks his claws in. Just saying...

Yesterday Jacob turned the couch over to make a cave for Michael to hide in...and then he proceded to torment him. Observe:

Playing, huh? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

The Tetris God

2010-01-15T09:56:00.000-08:00

To anyone who's ever played Tetris...this is for you.

The New Place

2010-01-02T14:16:00.000-08:00

As promised, here are the pics of our new apartment in Pleasant Grove. I am in love with this place because it's almost twice as big as our old apartment for about the same price, our bed isn't up on cinderblocks any more, my commute to work is 5 minutes instead of 20 (or it will be once we move into the new building next week), and it's nice and quiet (no more drunken neighbors waking me up in the middle of the night with their screaming and yelling at each other!). Jacob wasn't sold at first, but he says once we get a plant he'll be good to go. :-)

The kitchen...notice the fact that we actually have counter space and a dishwasher.

Here's the living room (and a kitty)...

I have space to work out now, not to mention we have room to actually have people over.

I love that the bathroom is bigger than a closet and has more storage space than just 2 drawers by the sink.

Here's the first bedroom...right now it's just being used for storage but the hope is to eventually turn it into a nursery. :-)

And our bedroom...for the first time in our marriage, the bedroom is too big to fit into just one picture...it is SO nice to have space!!

You are all welcome to come over any time, we'd be happy to have you. :-)

Beating the Bah Humbug

2009-12-14T19:52:00.000-08:00

My poor neglected blog. It's not that I haven't had things to write about...we moved (pics to come...in theory), I've been getting in squabbles w/friends over politics (you know me and my rants), I had a run-in with the RUDEST Wal-Mart cashier ever...yeah, stuff is happening. But I guess I haven't really been that motivated to write lately. Hopefully I'll do better now.

Anyhoo...Christmas. I am not a fan. I used to be...I used to go all out w/the decorating (my house would be covered in lights and we had a really big tree) and I would refuse to listen to anything but Christmas music once December came. But then...2 years ago I found out on the day after Thanksgiving that I'd lost a baby and those of you who read this regularly know the continuous struggle I've faced. Needless to say, the Christmas season following that horrible event was awful and it has been ever since. Now, this isn't something I want to whine about right now...I do enough complaining as it is. But that's why I really don't like the holidays.

This Christmas season started out no different...I was bummed out and in general quite grumpy about it. But then my little sister burned me this CD:

Now, I'm sure most of you are thinking, "WHAT THE..." but yes, those are cabbage patch kids. When I was little...probably 5 or 6...my grandparents gave me this record for Christmas (yeah, this was back in the day when people actually listened to records). I guess they used to have a cabbage patch television show and this was the Christmas episode...I have no idea really...but in the years following my sister and I listened to it pretty much non-stop from Thanksgiving through New Year's Day. We even made a movie of it one year (SO humiliating to watch it now...seriously...). I think if you were to add up all the times we listened to it, the sum would be well over a thousand.

So needless to say, I was really excited when she gave it to me...she spent a lot of time and effort on the internet finding and downloading the songs, which I greatly appreciate. It was pretty much getting back a piece of my childhood that symbolizes the magic of Christmas. And even though I'm 27 years old and most definitely not a child, I still listen to it like one. I crank up the volume and sing my guts out completely without shame...it's helped take away some of the sadness. So thank you Kaj for making the season a lot more bearable. :-)

P.S. If anyone wants me to burn them a copy just let me know...it's totally awesome with songs like "Christmas Day in the Cabbage Patch is a Happy Whoop-De-Do" and "Gimmie Gimmie Take Take"...how could anyone resist???

LOVE it

2009-11-19T11:31:00.000-08:00

Unconditional Love

2009-11-12T21:33:00.000-08:00

I need a vacation. I haven't had a day off from work (well, except for the usual weekend) since July...and I'm not one of those people who can work for months at a time without taking a break. I'm burned out, and it's starting to show. I've started to hate Mondays with a firey passion, I'm not very patient with customers even when they're not yelling at me, I'm significantly less social than usual when I'm at the office...and co-workers whom I typically don't mind are starting to drive me insane (I swear, I don't think I can handle listening to one more person bitch about having to answer the phone...you work in a call center people, that's the only thing in your job description!!!). Not good...really not good. Fortunately, Thanksgiving is coming up in a couple weeks and then I'm taking a day off to move (not exactly relaxing, but not being at work either)...so I just gotta hold out.

However...when my shift is over and I finally get to come home, there is something that makes it all better: a happy reception from this guy:

I can't tell you how much better it makes me feel to walk in the door and see that my black fuzzy furball is so happy I'm home. He circles my legs while I set down my purse and hang up my jacket, and after I pick him up his happy purrs melt away the day's frustrations...I've been gone for the past 9 hours and he's missed me. There's little in the world that makes me feel more special.

Hope

2009-11-03T18:55:00.000-08:00

So...I've been debating whether or not to discuss my infertility situation any more than I have, and today I decided that I will. This experience, as awful as it's been, has taught me a lot and I want to continue to share what I've learned and how I've grown. So here goes...

On Friday I had my consult at the Reproductive Care Center up in Sandy. I had prepared myself for the worst...several times during this process I have set my expectations too high based on what my doctors have promised me and at this point I've learned to lower them instead as to avoid further heartbreak.

Some brief background: my first doctor put me on clomid, I got pregnant, I lost the baby. It happens. He put me back on clomid with the promise that if it didn't work on the lowest dose, he'd raise it and continue to work with me...but 3 months later I was referred to the infertility specialist after taking the same dose and nothing else. The infertility specialist, after briefly listening to my symptoms and medical history told me I needed in vitro...he even offered to have his loan officer friend get me a loan for the money. That didn't really sit right with me and I pressed for tests, which I did get...and then my gyno passed away. I decided to take a break for a few months, after which I found my current gyno. I went in for my initial visit with him, and to his credit he did listen very carefully to my situation, asking probing questions to get a better grip on what was wrong. He, as I've mentioned before, assured me he had an arsenal of things to try. He did raise my dose of clomid and put me on progesterone which supposedly should have helped...but 4 months later he told me it was time to go to the infertility specialist. This time I did my own research, and thanks to the testimonials of those who've already been down this road, I decided to give the RCC a try.

Which brings us back to the consult. So there I was, sitting on the doctor's couch waiting to hear what I've heard from everyone else...and to my complete and utter surprise, I was told that in this doctor's professional opinion that while it's definitely something to keep in the back of my mind as a last resort, he doesn't think I need to do in vitro. Uhhhhh...what? I was really hesitant to believe him at first...but here's what I learned from him:
-Clomid was not originally created as a fertility drug...it was actually a birth control pill. That's right, birth control. After it had been on the market for a while, doctors started noticing one of the side effects was that it caused women to ovulate so eventually it was used for fertility instead. However, while fertile couples have a 16% chance of getting pregnant every month, women taking Clomid only have an 8% chance...it thins the uterine lining and does a couple of other things that make it difficult to get pregnant. Hmmmmmm.
-He was shocked I had never been treated for PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), because most of the women he treats who have my exact symptoms have it. Interesting. So I finally got an actual diagnosis.

There's more...but I don't want to bore anyone w/more medical details than necessary. Anyway, after the doctor explained all this to me...he asked for my questions. I thanked him for his explanations and asked what he thought would be the best course of treatment. I expressed to him that I am willing to try whatever he thinks has a good chance of being successful--but also at this point I'm ready to bring out the big guns. So here's the plan: he's putting me on a combination of a fertility pill (NOT Clomid) and a shot...and then once I've ovulated we're going to try artificial insemination. And while the medications and actual procedure are not covered by my insurance, this is of course significantly less expensive than IVF.

I know there is still a good chance this won't work...but I cannot express to you how amazing it is to have a plan other than taking more of that blasted Clomid. There's a REAL plan in place and for the first time in what feels like forever, I have hope. It's a really nice feeling to have. So I'll keep y'all posted.

P.S. They also wanted me to take a Glucose test, which I did today...and I'd like to say that the stuff they give you to drink is disgusting. Seriously, ew.

In Remembrance...

2009-10-22T19:46:00.000-07:00

My heart goes out to the wife and children of Ben Hill, the UVU flight instructor who was killed when his plane crashed yesterday at the Provo airport. Please send your prayers and good vibes to those he left behind.

Some People Suck

2009-10-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

So...I don't typically like to use my blog to complain about work, because that's no fun to read. But every once in a while something will happen that I can't resist talking about. This is one of those things that makes me question the goodness of humanity. Ok, not really, but it was pretty sickening to me.

As you all know, since I'm the night supervisor at work, I get to take a lot of escalated calls. A good chunk of these involve customers wanting to cancel before the term of their contract is over--there's a pretty steep early termination fee which our sales reps never disclose (although it is on the contract...in the fine print) and people get really pissed about it.

Anyway, the other night I took an escalated call from a gentleman wanting to cancel. He had been speaking to another agent, and eventually got heated enough that he dropped the f-bomb. Now, company policy states if the customer is using profanity we can terminate the call, and that's exactly what the agent did. Once he was transferred to me, I explained the policy to him, and he understood but said he was also angry because he had told her he needed to cancel due to the fact that he and his wife would be serving an LDS mission and couldn't afford to keep the system while they were out...and when he dropped the f-bomb, the agent made a comment about how he's planning on serving a mission and talking like that and he felt judged. Ok, I guess I get that...although you'd think people preparing for a mission wouldn't speak like that.

However, as he continued to complain I read the notes on his account--apparently he'd been trying to cancel for quite a while and his story had changed a lot. First he said his contract was supposed to be for just one year, then two, then three (it was actually for five)...he had sent in a copy of the confirmation of installation document (NOT the contract, where the length is clearly listed in 2 places) on which he had clearly written in the contract length and forged the initials of our tech in an attempt to show he had documentation of his supposed contract length. He continued complaining, and I thought to myself, "Typically couple missionaries are older, and this guy does not sound elderly at all..." I didn't have the pleasure of hearing any curse words from him, but he certainly was not happy when I told him his situation had already been researched by our dispute resolution dept and they had determined he was properly informed of the terms of his contract and we would be holding him to it. At that point, he made a few more rude comments and then hung up on me.

I sent another e-mail to our dispute resolution department because in the course of his ranting, he threatened to call Get Gephardt (a common threat from our Utah customers) and whenever a customer threatens going to an outside agency to complain we're supposed to notify that department. The next day, the girl from dispute resolutions came to me and said to keep the situation from escalating they had decided to lower the contract length so the customer would be able to cancel before their mission...BUT, when she called the customer to discuss it, he had no idea what she was talking about. He said he thought our company had gone under and that we had been purchased by another alarm company. Red flags popping up, she pulled the call from the night before when I had supposedly talked to him, and the voice was not the same. So she typed in the phone # the guy had called from into our archives database. As it turns out, obviously the guy I was speaking with was not the customer--it was actually a sales rep from another company trying to steal our customer. And this wasn't the only account he had called in about--there were several others, including one on which he pretended to be the customer's son and said he needed to cancel the account because his mother had died. Yeah, she's alive and well.

I cannot believe someone would actually take that much time and effort to create elaborate lies in order to get a bigger paycheck. I bet if this jerk would have spent all the time he wasted verbally assaulting us actually out knocking doors selling instead, he probably would have made more commission than he would have had we not caught him. KILLS me. I guess it shows what money will motivate some people to do...and that's really sad.

A Look Into the Paranormal

2009-10-16T08:46:00.001-07:00

So...as you've all seen from my last blog post, I am excited to report that I have found a scary movie that's actually scary. Honestly, I haven't been that scared since the first time I saw The Ring (say what you will about that one, but right after I saw it I went to visit my grandparents, whose guest bedroom has a TV right in front of the bed...yeah, I barely got any sleep).

SPOILER ALERT: I will do my best not to reveal too much about it for you other crazy kids who will actually want to see it, but I make no promises.

Anyway, there are a couple of factors that make Paranormal Activity particularly scary...
#1-You don't necessarily have to believe in God, but you have to believe in the existence of the devil (although in my opinion the two go hand in hand). So you atheists might have a bit of a hard time getting sucked in.

At first, the movie looks like a ghost story. It's not.

#2-You need to understand the rules of dealing with this kind of stuff so you will recognize when they are broken, which they are...several times.

Now, most of you know I claim to have lived in a haunted house...to this day I'm still 100% convinced that what I felt and saw was evidence of life after death. After living there, I wanted to learn all I could about ghosts and the paranormal...so I read up on it. I currently have an entire bookshelf full of books on the subject. Now before you all go thinking I'm messing with things I shouldn't be, let me say I'm not into paganism or wicca--I don't have any books on performing spells or communicating with ghosts or any of that...I simply enjoy reading accounts of other people's encounters w/the paranormal and how they dealt with it, should I ever encounter it again.

In reading these things, I quickly learned the do's and don'ts of it all. When dealing with a malevolent entity in particular, the numero uno rule that should NEVER be broken...EVER...is using a ouija board. That is the one thing paranormal experts agree on--don't use them, you're inviting stuff in. Another rule is not to taunt the entity or attempt to play games with it because you're going to further aggravate it, which is a really bad idea. Lasty, it's important to remember that malevolent entities feed off of negative energy...so if you're bringing that into the home, it can potentially strengthen whatever's there.

So, having said all that...here's my review of the film itself: while we can all take comfort in the fact that this movie is a mockumentary and the people in it are just actors who are living safe and sound in their own homes, it is still a realistic illustration of what could happen (if you believe in this kind of stuff). I have read several accounts of paranormal manifestations, and the movie definitely follows the pattern of documented hauntings. It is fast-paced enough that it's not boring...you don't have to wait long before you start seeing the creepy stuff. And yet it's patient enough to have a balance between scary and non scary...which is a really great way to build the suspense leading up to the climax. If you believe and allow yourself to be sucked in, by the second half of the movie you will be bracing yourself whenever the sun goes down and the unfortunate people go to bed. And I guarantee that by the end your heart will be pounding and you will be on the edge of your seat.

While I'd like to say that the movie is without flaw...I am disappointed to report that at the very last second, it reverts to one of the worst horror cliches ever. Think Liv Tyler waking up and screaming at the end of The Strangers. You know it's going to happen, and it's a total climax kill when it does. There is an alternate ending which is slightly better, but still not amazing. The dumb thing is all they had to do was take out the very last second and leave the rest as it was and it would have been perfect. But I suppose the temptation to try to get one more jump out of the audience was just too great.

Anyway, to conclude, Paranormal Activity is scary, and I highly recommend it to horror fans. If you want to see it though, you should probably hurry up...it's only playing at a couple theaters in Utah (that I know of) and I doubt it will be there long.

Wow.

2009-10-12T10:30:00.000-07:00

More coming on this later--but I wanted to post the trailer for the movie Jacob and I saw yesterday. You know how I'm always on the quest to find a horror film that's actually scary? Well, mission accomplished...

I can't find a video that's low def enough to fit all the way on blogger, but you can still get the idea.

Reasons I Love Jacob (in no particular order)

2009-10-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

So even though it's just past midnight, it is technically my anniversary. 6 years...we're definitely not newlyweds any more huh? Anyway, this year I decided to honor another year of marriage by listing (as you can see in the title) some of the reasons why I love my hubby. Here goes...

1. He's HOT (not the most important thing, but definitely one of the best perks!)
2. I can tell him anything
3. He likes movies, especially horror films
4. We make a great team
5. The man can BBQ
6. He takes care of me when I'm sick
7. He likes to keep a clean house
8. He's manly but never a tool
9. He knows when to joke and when to be sensitive
10. He always knows how to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day
11. He's been SUPER supportive during this whole infertility mess
12. He's totally driven and does what he needs to in order to achieve his goals
13. He doesn't laugh at me when I'm singing my guts out in the car
14. He sings in the shower
15. He's really smart
16. He accepts me for who I am, insanity and all
17. He's not afraid to try new things
18. He motivates me to be a better person
19. He reminds me that even when life is hard, you can still have fun
20. He hates dogs (sorry dog lovers, but we will be cat people till the day we die)
21. He knows when to just listen and when to give advice
22. He's really good with kids
23. He goes to the library and tries to find books for me to read since I'm too impatient to do it myself
24. He takes me away for the weekend when things get too stressful
25. He is passionate about the things he does, especially flying
26. His solution every time we get into an argument is to hug, and it works
27. He has the best laugh
28. When I'm away on a business trip and I call him b/c I had a nightmare, he sings to me to calm me down
29. He brings me doughnuts on Valentine's Day in addition to flowers
30. He works the graveyard shift to help w/the bills even though he's in school

...and I could go on. But, I actually gotta wake the poor guy up so he can go to work.

Happy Anniversary Jacob, I love you!!!!!

It's the little things...

2009-10-08T09:04:00.001-07:00

...in life that bring me so much joy. :-) Such as this video, and I'd daresay it has brought a lot of others joy too, seeing as how it has almost 70 million views on YouTube.

Apartment Hunting

2009-09-29T19:27:00.001-07:00

Dear landlords of Utah County,

As I have been dilligently searching the ads on KSL and craigslist for apartments to rent, I have noticed several things: the pricing seems fairly competitive, the descriptions sound appealing, many of you have various types of "move in specials," and...oh yeah, most of you are pet haters (and smoking haters, but that's a totally different conversation). In this not so great economy, it seems like you would want to have a leg up on the competition, therefore I am baffled by the repeated "NO PETS" policy most of you mandate. If you need to rent your apartment out so badly, why not increase the demographic of potential tenants? Seems to me like that's a pretty simple business tactic.

Now, before you jump in and tell me horror stories about how much damage pets can cause, let me say if you are genuinely concerned about that, there's this little thing called a non-refundable pet deposit (which is, of course, separate from the regular security deposit). That way, after your tenants move out you can clean the carpets and all that good stuff if by chance there is damage. Not to mention you could charge an extra $50 a month in the form of a "pet fee," which gives you double coverage should something get damaged. Speaking as a pet owner, as long as the rent is reasonable, I can assure you we will pay your pet deposit and fee. Honestly, we will.

So seriously, it would be a stellar idea to change your minds regarding this no pets thing...after all, you're losing money right now with your investment properties sitting vacant. Just saying...if you open your hearts to the animal lovers of the world, it will profit you.

Thank you,
Discouraged Pet Owner

Seriously though people, we need a new place to live. I'm tired of living in a complex where the police are frequent visitors, I'm woken up in the middle of the night because someone is screaming, I'm prevented from falling asleep by the drunken tenants fighting in the courtyard, etc. We can pay up to $675 base rent and would preferably like to live anywhere besides Orem/Provo (but at this point I'm getting less and less picky). And of course, we have our 2 cats...who are extremely well-behaved and don't pee anywhere other than their litter box. So if you know of anything, PLEASE let me know and I will reward you w/cookies or brownies or potstickers (yes, I make some darn good ones...) or some form of edible delight. And we won't even ask you to help us move (um, unless you're related to us, in which case please ignore that last part). :-)

Beyonce Baby

2009-09-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, most of you have probably seen this already, but I thought it was pretty funny...

Model of Shame

2009-09-16T19:58:00.000-07:00

My poor, incredibly neglected blog...how I wish I was more motivated to post stuff. Anyway, thought I should probably let everyone know that I'm still alive...somewhat...so here we go.

First off, I would like to report that not much has happened in our lives lately, which can be good or bad depending on how you look at it. One exciting feat is my amazingly talented pilot hubby has successfully passed all his tests for his instrument rating (such tests include flying w/blinders on so he can't see anything other than his instruments...scary) and can now begin working on his commercial rating. There's a light at the end of the tunnel...it's very, very small but it's there. As for me, I'm still working all the days of my life and getting yelled at on each and every one of them. Fortunately, my soul has become sufficiently numb so it doesn't bother me much.

Anyway, that's about it for updates. Boring, huh? Well, I don't want my blog to be boring. A friend of mine recently showed me a book of ideas to make one's blog super awesome, and one of them was not being afraid to share humiliating stories from your past...so in an attempt to make my blog super awesome, here is my story.

So, my senior year of high school I took a bunch of science classes w/a medical emphasis. My original endeavor in my life was to become a Paramedic or an ER nurse (this was before I realized I don't like being partially responsible for whether someone lives or dies), so I was preparing myself for a future of blood and guts and the like. It was going to be glorious. Anyway, one of these classes was medical anatomy. For the most part I enjoyed it (who didn't want to take a field trip to poke around in a bunch of cadavers?), but every once in a while we were given projects which I considered to be extremely lame.

Something you also should know is that I am the queen of procrastination. I think I averaged 3-4 hrs of sleep a night throughout my high school career...and I pulled a lot of all-nighters.

Anyway, back to medical anatomy. When we were learning about muscles, my teacher assigned a homework project which definitely fell into my lame category: we were to make a model of a muscle. We could pick whatever muscle we wanted and use pretty much any material we wanted, but the main thing was that the model had to show the function of the muscle. In other words, it had to actually move.

I'm fairly certain we were given at least 2-3 weeks to complete the assignment. It was due on a Monday...and as I recall, I started working on it the Saturday before. Uh, yeah. I scavenged around the house not really knowing what I was looking for. I ended up down in the basement by my Dad's work bench, and I picked up a small board I thought looked like a suitable base. Mind you I still had no idea which muscle I was going to do. I continued searching...not finding anything. The minutes ticked on, and soon I had to leave for work...I closed that night (I worked at Arby's) and I had church the next morning, so by the time I got back to working on it, it was Sunday afternoon. Finally in desperation, I found some red fabric. I cut out the shape of a bicep...stuffed it w/some fluffy stuff I found in my mom's material scraps, and sewed that sucker together. I then mounted it on the board with thumbtacks (remember that the assignment was to build a muscle that actually moved? Yeah, I threw that out the window...). For your viewing pleasure, here is a rough drawing of what it looked like...the black square is the board, and the red blob in the middle is the bicep. And of course, the black dots are the thumbtacks.

It was utterly and completely pathetic, but I put my name on it regardless and hoped for the best.

I went to school the next morning ready for it to be all over with. I walked into class praying no one would notice my poor excuse for a muscle...and then I saw the models my classmates had created...all of which looked better than mine. Oh yeah, and they all moved too. I sat next to one of the smartest people in school, and he told me how his grandma is an engineer so she helped him with his. He made a model of the eye. The freaking human eye (and yeah, it moved)! He asked to see mine, and I responded by glaring at him and shaking my head. Fortunately, when it came time to hand them in and I actually had to take it out of my backpack, he was kind enough to not say anything. I thought that would be the end of it...

UNFORTUNATELY...my teacher decided we should each take a turn to present our models to the entire class. So while everyone else got up there with elbows and knees and human eyes, all of which looked amazing and demonstrated how the muscle works, I had to get up with my piece of fluff on a board and say, "This is a bicep. It moves. Except mine doesn't move." I literally wanted to die.

Anyway, this is why you shouldn't procrastinate, kids. You will end up coming to school with a stupid-looking muscle model and people will laugh at you.

The end.

Explanation

2009-08-28T23:52:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

Sorry for writing cryptic posts and vague facebook status updates (for those of you who are friends w/me on facebook...ahem, KAJ...j/k, I know you will never get a facebook page...). My mood has been rapidly shifting from devastated, to pissed as hell, to optimistic, then back to pissed, then devastated, then refocused to optimistic, and so on...and quite frankly, I haven't been able to muster the will to do much of anything other than what I've absolutely had to.

Most of you probably know this by now, but all this is because last week my doctor called and said that there's nothing more he can do AKA it's in vitro time. This was quite a blow; when I first started seeing this doctor in March he assured me he had an entire arsenal of things he would try to assist me in getting pregnant...or that's what I thought he said. What he actually said is that he had an entire arsenal of things to assist me in ovulating, which my body refuses to do on its own. Big difference. But you see, according to my blood tests I am ovulating when I take the fertility drugs, so he's done his job. So while I initially felt completely abandoned by the news, I now at least understand why I'm once again being shipped off to the in vitro man.

There are several things I struggle with regarding this whole thing, such as how is it that I somehow got pregnant before while taking the lowest dose of the fertility drugs, but now I'm on the highest dose and nothing? What could be wrong, since both my husband and I were tested for the obvious problems and came out with perfectly normal results? And mainly, WHY???? Why is is that the one thing I want more than anything in the entire world is the one thing I cannot seem to have?

What I've come to accept, however, is that there are not answers to any of those questions. There's speculation and theories, but there are no answers. It is what it is and I'm out of options. So we're going to try the in vitro...I told Jacob I want to try it once and if it doesn't work, so be it. We can try to adopt in a few years perhaps.

Having said that, if anyone has any information regarding in vitro they could share with me, I'd greatly appreciate it. And for those of you who already have, thank you so much. I promise that while my correspondence as of late has been really bleak and depressing, I am fine. Or rather, I'm determined to be fine and will do what it takes to get there. It just might take a while. I'd also like to say that I am sincerely grateful for all of your support and kind words, because that's what's getting me through this.

Love,
Julie

Abandoned

2009-08-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

I should probably be more private about how I feel about the things going on in my life right now. Eh, screw it.

My New Fav

2009-08-07T00:53:00.000-07:00

You should all watch this TV show. It is, as the British would say, absolutely brilliant. I LOVE it, and I'm not typically a sci-fi kind of person...

Jacob looks good in a wetsuit

2009-08-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

This past weekend Jacob planned to compete in a 1.7 mile swim in a lake up in Sandpoint, Idaho. Instead of making the very long drive, he decided to take one of his flight buddies with him and fly up, cutting the travel time in half and giving him an excuse to get in a plane, since he loves it so much. They made it halfway, stopped to refuel and once they got in the air again they realized the flaps on their plane were frozen, which I guess isn't a huge deal but is not a good idea if one is flying mountainous terrain with which they are unfamiliar.

I'd like to interject here that I am so incredibly grateful Jacob's careful about this stuff, it makes me feel much better to know he's as safe as he can be.

So they landed in Boise and called the director of aviation at UVU to see what they should do. At this point, it was 9:00pm and Sandpoint was still 3 hours away. Finally it was decided that they shouldn't continue their flight and would need to stay in Boise and fly back to Provo the next day. Unfortunately, this meant that despite all the training and preparation he did (including buying a new wetsuit), there would be no swimming competition for Jacob. Bummer, right? Fortunately, my husband has a way of making the best of things, and instead he put on his wetsuit and swam in the pool at the hotel. Cute, right? Yeah, I sure do like him.

Anyway, here are some pics...doesn't he look good in the wetsuit? I think he's hot.

I Love Las Vegas

2009-07-30T12:16:00.000-07:00

If you ever want to take a road trip to Vegas and you need someone to go with you, give me a call. So help me I love that place. Went this past weekend with a couple of my friends, we had an amazingly fun time. :-)

A Slasher Film Lover's Lament

2009-07-24T03:11:00.000-07:00

Jacob and I were hiking today (in the 102 degree heat...without water...we are so smart it kills me) and we were discussing, as we often do, movies. I specifically was talking about horror/slasher films, and I commented how I've been meaning to blog about how the evolution of the slasher film is not to my liking. It bugs me. So I'm blogging about it.

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen My Bloody Valentine, Friday the 13th or Halloween and you want to, don't read on.

So...I think we all know by now just how much of a horror film fan I am. I love the exhilaration of the life/death scenarios being played out, and I love to challenge my bravery by seeing if a scary movie will actually frighten me (not to brag, but they usually don't...which is surprisingly disappointing). Slasher films, I feel, are a sub-genre of horror, and they have their own set of rules which I will hereafter refer to as the moral code. People write essays and theses about it...when Jacob and I go to the Pop Culture Association convention, there are entire panels on this stuff. It's great.

ANYWAY, here's the basic gist of the slasher film moral code: if you have sex, you will die. If you are a jerk to other characters at pretty much any point in the movie, you will die. If you are breaking the law, dealing/taking drugs, drinking, being a hooligan or otherwise, you will die. However, if you are a virgin, not overly popular, not the best looking but an all-around decent person (very few of whom are found in slasher films), you will live. Actually, you will be one of the only ones to live. Take Jamie Lee Curtis in the original Halloween, for example. She's the only one without a date and she's stuck babysitting on Halloween which is pretty much the lamest thing ever for a teenager. Her friends are good-looking, have boyfriends and are getting their party on. And then they die, one by one (courtesy of Michael Myers, in my opinion the best slasher film villain ever). For me, it's fun to be able to watch what a character does and pronounce their death sentence upon them (yeah yeah, I'm morbid...but I'm ok with it), so I'm definitely a fan of the code.

However, I'm disturbed by the remakes that have been coming out because they are NOT sticking to the code!! Take My Bloody Valentine, for example (side note--slasher films are extra fun in 3D). As I understand it, this is a remake--I haven't actually seen the original, so maybe my argument is not valid, maybe the original doesn't stick to the code either. ANYWAY, at the end of this one the audience is faced with the all-too-familiar problem of "who done it." Being the intelligent viewers we are, we've narrowed it down to 2 guys: the local sheriff who has been cheating on his wife with her co-worker (who is her subordinate at the local grocery store--she dies), and the really nice albeit emotionally scarred (but with good reason--he witnessed the bad guy killing people with his pickax the first time around) high school sweetheart who has come back into town to basically get closure. So I, using my vast knowledge of the code, deduced that the culprit was surely the 2-timing jerk of a sheriff.

Um, NO. It's the nice guy. The dude who, in his youth, was a victim of horrible things and had basically spent his entire life in therapy trying to resolve his issues. Turns out he's crazy, has a split-personality and goes around dressed as a miner with a vengeance for...everyone. What does this tell us? That if you cheat on your wife, it will be ok, and she will save you in the end. Pitiful.

Moving on, next example. Friday the 13th...I'm sure you've all seen at least one of them, I think there are more sequels to this one than any of the other slasher films. Regarding the original film, the director has been really blunt about stating that he "followed the code," so to speak. I watched an interview with him where he talked about anyone who had sex had to die. And in the original, it is the one virtuous girl who manages to survive the wrath of Jason (or his mother, really).

Then we have the remake that came out this year. Feeling very certain of myself, I watched as all the youth made their choices and sealed their fate. The girl who was a slut was killed. The guys who were drinking beer and smoking pot were killed. The one kid who was a really big jerk to everyone died. At that point, there were just 2 people left--a nice young man looking for his sister and the virgin who had spent the beginning of the movie rejecting the advances of the jerky kid (she, not that it has anything to do with the plot, was played by a Disney-channel alumni...just saying, that association adds a lot to her character's wholesomeness). So you figure they're all gonna live, right?

Um, NO. Just when you think they're about to be in the clear, the kind-hearted virgin gets gutted by a machete, a la Jason.

What is the deal?? Is the moral code sacred to no one but me? Why no, no it's not. Apparently, it's sacred to me and Rob Zombie. Yes, that's right, Rob Zombie. Now, I haven't seen House of 1000 Corpses and I only made it through about 30 minutes of The Devil's Rejects (even I have my limits, there's a difference between actual horror and brainless shock value), which I guess can be considered slasher films (although I'd say the jury's still out). But I did see his remake of Halloween (which, for the record, is awesome--getting the guy who played Sabretooth in X-Men to play Michael Myers was genius--he's freaking huge and intimidating as ever), and he certainly had no trouble sticking to the moral code in that one.

Ok, maybe there were a couple of people who were murdered who didn't quite deserve it (the security guard at the asylum, for example...but his death was necessary for escape, he was in the way). But there's one part where a mother and her young child stop at a rest stop to use the bathroom. Michael Myers comes into the bathroom, but does he kill them? Why no, he does not. He just takes the mom's purse and steals her car...which is not really ideal but it is far preferable to death, especially death by a giganormous, criminally insane, William Shatner mask-wearing force of nature. He lets them live when he very easily could have killed them. That has moral code written all over it.

So thus ends my discussion on the matter. I have yet to figure out why these directors have felt the need to stray from the code that has been so carefully constructed by those who directed the original slasher films...which begs the question why was there even a moral code in the first place. I personally think it's a checks and balance system for all the evil and senseless killing. Opposition in all things and what not. But it's 3:00am and I need to get to bed, so I'll have to explore those questions another time. In the meantime, if anyone has any thoughts...

That was very frightening.

2009-07-12T04:06:00.000-07:00

Sigh. We need to move, seriously. Why has our apartment complex gone completely down the tubes into crappyville? Could it be because whatever units are not rented magically become government subsidized low income housing? Perhaps. Not that I'm saying all people who need low income housing are trouble, but the ones here surely seem to be. Whatever.

So I was in bed, sound asleep (WHY do these things always have to happen in the wee hours of the morning??) when I was awoken by some woman screaming bloody freaking murder. I am not exaggerating. It sounded like she had managed to get to a window and started screaming, "HELP ME HELP ME OH GOD SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE" as if her life depended on it. We have really good accoustics here and it echoed throughout the courtyard, I'm sure the entire complex heard it. Shortly after the screaming began, a window slammed shut and the screaming became very muffled, then stopped.

My first instinct was to charge, so I dove out of bed, grabbed my robe and my phone and stomped out my door, ready to find out what the hell was going on and put a stop to it. However, apparently I am somewhat slow and uncoordinated after being jolted awake at 3:30am, so in the time it took me to get decent and grab my stuff, several people had already done so in a shorter amount of time, and they were charging instead. Ok with me.

My neighbor called the police, last I checked they were still here talking to everyone. I can't tell what's going on since I haven't gone back outside--I figure I can't tell them anything more than they've heard from everyone else. But I am absolutely terrified that someone is being hurt, raped or killed. I have never heard anyone scream like that before, ever. I know there's not exactly a lot the police can do if they get here and it's quiet, but part of me wants to beg them to ram down the door of whatever apartment it is. What if whoever was terrorizing this girl managed to shut her up and is now doing horrible, unspeakable things to her?? This is what's going to keep me awake.

Ok well, looks like the police are gone now. Maybe they found the woman, hopefully she's ok. I certainly pray she is. So, uh, yeah...anyone know of anyplace that allows pets and will be available to rent in December???

A Plea...

2009-07-04T00:28:00.000-07:00

So today I was flipping through the channels and I happened to pause at the Tyra Banks show. Now, I do not normally watch that show...I'm not a Tyra fan (although I will admit I totally dig America's Next Top Model) and I really love it when Joel makes fun of her on The Soup. But I guess today's topic caught my attention enough to pay attention for more than 2 seconds. Tyra was talking to a woman...a pregnant woman who smokes. They were discussing the hazards of smoking during pregnancy...this woman already had 2 kids with severe asthma which they got as a result of her smoking when she was pregnant with them. Despite all the damning evidence in front of her, the stupid woman refused to quit.

There is a also girl I work with who is pregnant and smokes. I guess there's one every summer--if you recall my post from last year.

Needless to say, after watching that show and seeing my co-worker light up for at least the 4th time during her shift, my ire is significantly raised. Yes, I'm sure it's mostly because of my own struggles with getting pregnant, but I'm fairly certain I would feel the same way even if I wasn't currently dealing with infertility.

I will not tell anyone how to live their life, and I believe that people need to make their own choices...if they want to put that shit into their body, that's their business. HOWEVER--when it affects someone else like that, an innocent life--that's when my tolerance completely vanishes. These women have been given such a precious gift...a gift that women like me would do literally anything to have. And for them to knowingly put their unborn child in harm's way for no reason other than their own stupid selfishness disgusts me. Yes, I understand it's an addiction but I'm sorry, that is no excuse. When you have been given the chance to be part of a miracle, it is your responsibility to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to ensure the safety and well-being of that miracle, addiction or no addiction.

I realize that the only people who read this blog are my friends and family, to none of whom this really applies. But still, I'm putting it out there...if you are pregnant, please, don't take it for granted. Do what you need to do to be healthy for your baby. Realize what you have.

7:00am on a Saturday...

2009-06-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

...why am I freaking awake? Especially considering I got off work at 2am. Well, I have a story to tell, and it totally trumps the story I was planning to tell later today about how I slipped and fell flat on my face at work...in front of people. SO humiliating, and now I have bruises on both my knees (in addition to the juicy one on my leg)(I'm a hazard to myself, apparently). But that's boring compared to this baby.

Whoa Julie, stop before you build it up too much.

OK...so there I was at 6:00am, laying in bed sleeping, minding my own freaking business, when I was so rudely awakened by a loud bang and crazy yelling. Once I became somewhat coherent, I realized it was this chick from 2 floors down...she, her boyfriend and her younger brothers moved in just a couple weeks ago, and have already been the cause of much drama at our complex. Apparently she and her man have quite a volatile relationship and the cops were called when they got in a fight last week and threatened to kill each other. I dunno, I wasn't there for that one. But this morning, it was just the woman--she was banging, kicking and pounding on her next door neighbor's door...all the while yelling, "Don't you EVER knock on my wall again!" She was obviously very drunk, and I realized that she was blasting her music (Howie Day, of all the music to be blasting...lame), which is probably why someone knocked on her wall. It is very annoying to have music blaring in your ear at the crack of dawn (and again, it was Howie Day!).

Anyway, then some dude came out (from a totally different apartment) and yelled at the woman that people are sleeping and she needs to shut the hell up and go back inside her apartment. She told him to back off unless he wanted to fight with her. From the sound of his voice and how much his footsteps pounded, I'm fairly certain he was not in the least bit threatened by her. She eventually went back into her apartment, and the complex rejoiced at the peace and quiet as we all returned to bed (well, I called Jacob at work to tell him all about the drama he was missing, and then I got back in bed). But alas, our joy was short-lived, as 5 minutes later she was out doing it again. I waited, thinking surely the person whose door was being so loudly assaulted would call the police, but as it continued and the woman became more aggravated, I worried that nothing was being done, so I picked up my phone and called 911 myself...

...I'd never called 911 before (Jacob has lots of times, it came with the whole apartment manager thing), and it made me nervous. Then I felt especially bad because the dispatch lady kept asking me for a visual, and I kept telling her there was no way I was going outside to verify exactly which apartment it was. I know better than to piss off a drunk woman mid-rant. And what a delightful rant it was: after she got tired of warning not to knock on the wall, she yelled about how she owns eash-n-evry (that's my impression of her slurred speech--these things don't always translate very well to the written word haha) apartment and since she's the owner she's going to kick her out, blah blah blah. Then she went on to say that Russia is in control of the United States, and that's straight from Joseph Smith. Yeah, drunk off her rocker.

Then the police pulled up, and as soon as she saw them she shut up, raced to her apartment, slammed the door and turned Howie off all before the cops even got out of the car. The cops came, they knocked, they waited a few minutes, then they left. I think there was a bystander who talked to them for a second, but as they didn't actually see her there was probably not much they could do. I was disappointed. And I felt bad for them coming all the way out here for nothing. Although I suppose if just the sight of their car was enough to get the woman to stop (there hasn't been one peep from her or Howie since), that's something. And hopefully lots and lots of people will go complain to the manager once the office opens, so maybe we can all get her evicted. Because nobody wants a neighbor like that.

Yup, we need to move...November can't come fast enough.

The Passing of a Legend

2009-06-26T00:04:00.000-07:00

Love him or hate him, the guy was an amazingly significant figure in music and pop culture. Rest in peace Michael.

Totally Gross

2009-06-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

Don't even ask me how I got this bruise...it's the result of my complete lack of coordination and perhaps the effect of a large dose of Dramamine (but hey, it worked...this time when Jacob took me flying, I didn't have to spend the entire time trying not to barf). But yeah, this is the coolest bruise I've ever had...it's big and ugly and really purple. And it hurts like...well, it hurts a LOT.
Observe:

NASTY, huh? Yeah, it's digusting...I'm pretty proud of it.

Kelly!

2009-06-20T10:20:00.001-07:00

Ok, so this concert happened over a week ago...sorry I suck. I've been in my dark place (more to come on that, I'm sure...so help me I can't pass up a self-indulgent rant...which I sometimes feel guilty about but aren't blogs themselves somewhat self-indulgent? Just saying...), and really haven't felt like blogging. But I wanted to post a few pics and a video of the Kelly Clarkson concert, because it was really enjoyable once we got past the hour and a half long advertisement for UVU. :-) I didn't even mind the rain...

The Veronicas Love Utah

2009-05-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

Ok so I know I'm a dork, but I'm subscribed to The Veronicas page on facebook, so I get all these updates and video links. Today's was some interview they did--most of it is about living in LA and who inspires them and what not, but in the last minute or so they talk about the concert they did last year in Salt Lake and how it was one of their best concerts ever--and naturally I was excited because my sister Kaj and I were SO there...we are the ones who knew all the songs. That's right, they love us.

Anyway, I know Kaj will probably be the only one to watch it but here's the video:

Updates and Pet Peeves

2009-05-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

Hello people. Yesterday I was at lunch w/a few of my close friends, and one of them commented about how I don't really update my blog that much (that's right, you know who you are... ;-)), so I thought I'd better write something haha. So here are my updates/thoughts this morning:

Work: I'm now back to my favorite 5:30pm-2:00am schedule. I'm not being sarcastic, I love this shift. I have all day to get stuff done, and then when I go to work it's only busy for half of my shift and then I basically get to enjoy 3 to 4 hours of peace and quiet. So nice.

Home: It's really hot and our swamp cooler is no Rocky Balboa if you know what I mean. We've taken to sleeping on top of the covers with a fan blasting directly into our faces. So that's slightly annoying. But on a happy note, the hummingbirds are back and have been frequenting our feeder, which is always fun to watch. The cats especially love it. :-)

Babies: Still don't have any. But I have a new doctor (since my other one died, if you recall...) who is very aggressive and I appreciate that. I take a lot of pills with some really funky side effects, but I won't complain about that because it's a pretty small price to pay. I will say though, no menopausal woman has anything on these hot flashes. WOAH (too much info??). And then there's the whole vision thing--my night vision has gone all crazy and if there's not enough light I tend to see double, which can be slightly freaky. But again, not complaining, and hopefully I will see some results one of these days. That would be nice.

Movies: We saw Star Trek this past weekend, which I originally didn't really want to see. But after reading the reviews, I changed my mind. It was actually really good, even if you haven't had much exposure to the TV show. So I'd recommend it.

And lastly, my Pet Peeve of the day: I think it's lame when you post a bunch of pictures on your facebook of you and your significant other grinning at the camera...and NOTHING ELSE. Sure, put a few pictures up of you guys being happy and in love, but we don't need to see 100 of them (literally). That is only something I'm willing to look at when people are actually engaged, and if said pictures are in actuality their engagement pics. No wannabe photos please.

Until next time...see ya.

Murderous Mayhem

2009-05-15T03:19:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have one of those nights where you're extremely tired but not sleepy? That seems to be me at the moment. Although it's rapidly turning into a serious case of night-drunkeness. Yes.
DISCLAIMER: I am having a random night, so I apologize if any of this is disconnected or doesn't make sense. We'll see how this goes. Right-o.
So...Saturday we had the privilege of being invited to an amazingly entertaining murder mystery dinner, set in the 1930s. And did you know that if you procrastinate getting a costume until the last minute, you will have to buy the first thing you find at DI to match the fabulous hat you had your eye on at the costume store? I can tell you this is true. Also if anyone would like some fake cigarettes I will gladly provide them to you. They puff, but apparently only when nobody's watching.
ANYWAY, I would like to say that my friend Peter is a genius when it comes to writing murder mysteries. That's right friends, this wasn't out of some box you'd buy at the same place people go to play Dungeons and Dragons, this is 100% original. A couple years ago he wrote one w/a Batman theme, and it wasn't just a dinner--it was a dinner, a sleepover, AND a breakfast...and there was a wake complete w/a coffin. Yes. So this one he wrote was set in the 1930s, and we were all Hollywood figures involved in a movie starring Mae East, who was unfortunately was murdered by someone at the party. I was Anise Rogers, an AMAZING choreographer (I know, it's hilarious b/c I totally can't dance and don't have anything even remotely close to a dancer's body...haha) and Jacob was Edward Courier, screenwriter (yeah yeah, that one fits).
Ok so I'd like to interject here that I was nervous about actually PLAYING the game, because for the Batman one Jacob and I were the moderators--meaning we were there to answer questions and stage the events to keep the plot rolling. Plus I got to videotape a lot of it, which is always fun.
Once we all arrived, we were each given an envelope to give us more information on who we were and the information we knew--plus a set of objectives to be accomplished by the end of the evening. So I opened mine and I'm reading through it and then I realize that I'm one of the murderers (yes, there were actually 2 of us...the other one being Jimmy, the film editor)...DUN DUN DUN. I was so excited, seriously. So yeah, after we'd all read up on ourselves, we were set loose to try to meet our objectives. Mainly we all just walked around in groups of 2 or 3 and tried to get information out of each other...and Jimmy and I did our best to cover up our crime and place the blame on others. We had some dinner (with the most amazing blueberry bread pudding ever--go Peter, go) and then the real craziness started. Some of us (myself included) were buying drugs, some were running underground sex clubs (um, you know this is just pretend, right?), and there were affairs and cheating and lies and it was such good fun. Which doesn't sound like good fun when I put it that way, but I'm going to go ahead and blame that on the whole night drunk thing. Yup.
So, being that we were murderers, Jimmy and I had the wonderful opportunity to each "kill" one of the other characters in the last hour of the game. I picked Edward (who was Jacob), because I had just sold him Mae's will and I needed to get it back before it changed hands (when you kill someone you get all their stuff, which was also nice b/c Edward had made a lot of money selling drugs so I ended up being rich too). He was not pleased when he found out I killed him haha. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Jimmy picked Eden (who was my friend Cajsa) because we wanted to frame her boyfriend Rhett, who was actually a closet homosexual. Hey, he had a good motive.
And after all that--I'm happy to report that we were able to successfully meet our objectives and nobody figured out who did it. Well, there were some suspicions it was Jimmy (and a couple people snagged his envelope and read that he was the murderer, but I don't count them since they didn't figure it out by themselves) but nobody figured it was me too. Yes, I'm quite proud of myself.
Ok kids. It's 3:15am and I am definitely sleepy now. I probably left stuff out, which I hate to do because it deserves a better description. Sorry. Enjoy the pictures haha.

We are so hot. My coat totally makes me look fat but I don't even care, it was awesome.

What are we doing? I don't even know. But this is me, Peter, and Cajsa. We're crazy, apparently.

Jacob right after I killed him and took all his money. Poor guy...

And here's...some of us.

Just When I Thought I'd Heard it All...

2009-05-12T01:27:00.001-07:00

...I had tonight's customer. Not that I want my blog to be a bitchfest, and really I planned my next post to be about the fabulous murder mystery party we attended on Saturday night (thrown by my brilliant friend Peter), but I have some things to get off my chest. I should probably wait until tomorrow since it's 3am, but whatever.

So I've now been a customer service supervisor at work for over 6 months now. At this point, I've heard a LOT. I joke that my soul is dead...I'm pretty damn calloused, and while I still get yelled at on mostly a daily basis, it rarely phases me or even upsets me any more. I guess that's my bad for thinking I'd heard it all. Because tonight...wow, I've never had anyone speak to me the way this guy did.

To keep a long story (relatively) short, the guy was pissed b/c he thought our sales rep had taken advantage of his parents. Yes, he's not even a freaking customer, his parents are. We do get these calls from time to time, with children trying to stick up for their parents...who apparently shouldn't be held responsible for their actions even though they're adults. His parents had been given a standard deal as far as our systems go--their contract length was the standard 5 years and they were even given the discount price. But this guy apparently has a system of his own, where his contract is supposedly much shorter and the montly rate half of what we charge. His demand was to either cancel their account or lower their rate, neither of which we do after the contract is signed (this is why you should read contracts before you sign them!). I'd like to point out that it's not like his parents called, were told they can't cancel and he called in response to that. We haven't heard from his parents. There is no indication they're unhappy w/their system.

But the thing that made this call different from the other escalated calls I take--well, there are several things actually. I've been told "You don't care," I've been told "I can't understand how you sleep at night"--but this guy literally told me I'm a horrible person, and that I'm dead inside. He told me I have no conscience. He asked if I'm religious, and when I told him I wasn't going to answer that, he told me that God thinks I'm a bad person. He told me I must hate my parents and grandparents. He told me he hoped that after we got off the phone that I had a really good cry because if I didn't, I'd know that I have no soul. Basically he verbally assaulted me for 20 minutes. Every time I tried to say something, he cut me off. And when I managed to get something out, he twisted my words and tried to (unsuccessfully) use them against me. Until finally, I kinda lost it with him. I told him I know I'm a good person, that I definitely have a conscience, and just because I wasn't telling him what he wanted to hear was NOT justification for disrespecting me like that. He asked if I'd be upset if my parents were "conned" into signing up for the rip off that is our system, I said I'd be upset if my parents signed a legal document without reading it first, and that it is not my problem or the company's problem if his parents signed it before reading it. He asked if I agreed with the policies of the company, I said whether or not I agreed with them is irrelevant because they are printed on the contract in black and white and if his parents didn't like them, they shouldn't have signed it. And as he continued to interrupt me to remind me what a horrible person I am, I told him I was sick of him putting words in my mouth and treating me like crap and if he didn't stop right that moment I was hanging up on him.

And then...he pulled this "I'm a Christian, I'm going to pray for your soul because you're a bad person" shit. Tell me people, what is Christian about spending a good chunk of your evening trying to break someone down and make them feel horrible...for something they didn't even have any part of?? Last time I checked, that was not the method Jesus used, EVER. The hypocrisy KILLS me, it really does. So I guess that people are gonna say what they're gonna say. But I'd like to point out that God is not a weapon. And that is what I told this guy. He said he wasn't using Him as one. YEAH RIGHT.

Anyway...well, I don't really have a good conclusion for this. I guess I really did need to vent. So thanks for listening, I guess.