STUPID people

I went to Wal-Mart yesterday. I parked the car, started walking towards the store and noticed a man and a little boy walking in front of me...the kid couldn't have been older than 2 or 3. The man seemed to be in a hurry, and was repeatedly scolding the child for not keeping up with him, to which said child responded, "Daddy my legs are tired!" So the man irritatedly picked him up. My blood started to heat up a bit...but whatever, right? We both grabbed a cart, and the man proceeded to try to put the boy into the child's seat and when his legs didn't go in the right way the first time, he said, "Look at what you're doing, you little shithead!"

My blood went from slightly warm to intensely boiling.

Those of you who know me are aware that I am not super awesome at hiding how I feel about things. So naturally I shot him the most malevolent stinkeye I could muster and as I walked past I muttered, "Nice going Dad...real nice." He gave me a look that said, "You don't know what it's like, you don't have a kid to inconvenience you at the grocery store."

Ok...he probably wasn't thinking that. He was probably thinking of some more colorful language. But that's what it seemed like to me.

Moving on...as I maneuvered my cart through the toilet paper aisle (which was actually the sole reason I was there, but since I bothered to go I figured I should probably pick up the rest of the stuff on the grocery list, despite the fact that it was in no way as urgent as the toilet paper), I'm pretty sure people were wondering who peed in my Cheerios because again...*points to self*...not good at hiding emotions.

Seriously though, it's stuff like that which makes this infertility business especially hard for me. I'm able to deal with being the only one of my married friends without kids, I'm able to deal with people asking me why I don't have kids and thinking that it's because I'm selfish or a bad person (see previous "Cheesy Moment" post), I'm able to deal with my friends working on babies #2 and #3 while I'm still desperately working on baby #1 (and I'm even genuinely happy for them!)...but this kind of thing, no....no. I try not to judge...I know that if I am ever lucky enough to have children of my own I will not be a perfect parent, and I know that sometimes your kids can work your last nerve until the patience which was previously hanging by a thread is totally gone...but I would never say something like that to a child. I don't think most parents do. But I see that, and it's like..."Dear Universe, what the hell??? That douchebag is a father and I got nothing???? You suck...and I kinda hate you."

But...of course, life isn't fair. I've been hearing that since I was little (thanks Mom and Dad...oh, and thanks for not swearing at me and calling me derogatory names). I just hope that...WHEN I'm a mom (go, positive thinking!), I will ALWAYS remember how precious of a gift it is to have kids (which will in turn lead to me not being a jerk to them, even if I am in a hurry at the grocery store)...

...I'm pretty sure I will.

Of All the Random Things...

A few days ago Jacob and I went to the infertility clinic to do another round of IUI. It's always a slightly awkward moment when they call us back to "collect" from Jacob, but the past couple times we've been there he's been joking with the lab tech about the contents of "the folder" and all that good stuff...it helps ease the awkwardness.

ANYWAY, in the room where they send us to get the sample, there's this...I guess the only way to describe it is a beanie-baby type thing in the shape of a sperm. Yes...you read that correctly, they make sperm toys. Or something. So...the last time we were there Jacob asked the lab tech where in the world they got that, and he said it was from an infertility convention. Then he showed us some of the other things the doctors have come back with...magnets, pens, stickers...and most random of all, a shot of vanilla liquor in a sperm-shaped shot glass. That's right...sperm alcohol. So naturally as soon as Jacob saw that he asked if he could have it because really, who doesn't want to own something like that (you know you all want one)? The lab tech said no because that's the only one they had.

So this time when we were called back, Jacob inquired again as to whether he might be able to take it home to have and cherish. The lab tech just laughed and said no...and that was that.

Now, the process for IUI is kind of a long one...they get the sperm and then we have to wait for 2 hours while they wash it and separate the strong swimmers from the weak ones. Yeah, it's good times. Anyway, after the 2 hrs had passed and they called us back again, the nurse said that the lab tech told her to give something to us, and then she handed Jacob his very own sperm-shaped shot. I have no idea whether they found another one or if he decided they could part with the one they had. But needless to say, Jacob was elated. And I am including some pictures for your viewing pleasure (please forgive the fuzziness, I'm not super-skilled at taking close-up pics):

I know you can't really see it b/c the picture is fuzzy, but on the tag there's a little sperm saying "Ich komme!" Which, if my limited knowledge of German holds true, means "I come!" Priceless.

So yeah, if you ever need to do any type of infertility treatment you should try asking the clinic what kind of awesome swag they have...haha...you could end up with something awesome.

Doctor Douchemonkey

Dear Doctor who doesn't want to treat anyone who voted for Obama,

While I think you are within your rights to post your little sign instructing all those who voted for our current president to seek health care someplace other than your office...


...I think your hissy fit/temper tantrum (I'm pretty sure that since you went to college and then medical school, it's safe to say you're at least 8 years old) is pathetic, and I've concluded that you're a douchemonkey. We democrats will take our bladder infections elsewhere as I'm sure there are many urologists who will be happy to treat us despite our political affiliation.

In closing, I'd like to kindly ask you to please try to remember what being a doctor means...because last time I checked, doctors were supposed to diagnose and treat people, not punish them for believing differently.

Yeah...there's no love here,
Julie

A Cheesy Moment

So...I was at work tonight...doing busywork, getting yelled at...you know, the usual. And then my mom called. This is not an infrequent thing, she calls every couple of weeks to remind me about family dinner or ask about something or other...and this phone call started out no different. She wanted to be sure she told me what time we're having Easter dinner this Sunday and to see how Jacob did when he was in Vegas working on his pilot stuff last week.

But then (after I'd reassured her I hadn't forgotten about dinner and reported that Jacob did just fine in Vegas), she said, "This may sound stupid, but I've been thinking about it a lot and I wanted to tell you that I know the reason you're having a hard time getting pregnant is not because you did anything wrong."

Whoa. Didn't see that one coming.

I didn't quite know how to respond...so I waited for her to continue. She told me that she knows that the reason I haven't been able to get pregnant is not because I'm being punished for the choices I've made in my life. She said I'm a good person and she loves me and she hopes I don't think this is my fault. Totally floored (and somewhat emotionally stunted by the fact that I was at work and would rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than let my co-workers see me cry), I thanked her, said that means a lot to me and that I love her too...and then told her I'll see her Sunday and we hung up.

I'm not writing about this because I'm astounded that my mom would say that to me...I'm actually not. While everyone else in my family doesn't usually say those types of things to each other, my mom is the exception and has no problem saying how she feels no matter how sappy it may be. It's just that...with this situation in particular...well, let me put it this way: I will NEVER forget the day my mom and I discussed my decision to leave the church. My mom is one of the most faithful women you will ever meet, and I know I hurt her badly when I told her. She cried. There are few things in this world that are more horrible than making your mom cry. So because this subject is so very sensitive to her (and because if I ever make her cry again I will probably shoot myself), I haven't told her the things people have said to me. I never told her about how people in my ward and some of my friends told me if I'm good the Lord will bless me w/a child. Didn't tell her how a few of them told me I'm obviously not trying hard enough to be righteous. I most definitely left out the part where one person in particular let me know in no uncertain terms that God was refusing to send his spirit children to me because he doesn't want them raised in an unrighteous home. I didn't tell her how when I lost my baby two years ago I REALLY struggled w/the idea that God had taken away that child from me because I wasn't righteous enough to be a mother...and how sometimes to this day it's still a nagging thought in the back of my head.

So...not knowing any of those things...that's what she said to me. Do I think she was "inspired" to say that? No, not particularly. But what I do think is that sometimes, life hands you these cheesy moments (courtesy of your mom, or your friend, or whoever...) and if you let them, they'll help get you through the bad stuff. :-)

Strawberries

Dear man w/the very large and VERY hairy buttcrack on display right in front of me in the grocery store checkout line,

Please, please, please...stand up straight. That's all it would take to cover that monstrosity. Please, I beg you...I'm running out of other things to look at, I'm having a hard time pretending I don't notice (because I can see everyone else around me noticing), and your wife is taking forever trying to use the stupid card swipe thing. Seriously, all I needed to buy was these strawberries, this should have been a 2 minute trip and now it's been 5 minutes and your buttcrack is still right in my face.

Love...but not really,
Julie

(And then, after he stood up...)

PRAISE THE LORD THANK YOU!

(Sorry kids, no picture to display on this one!)

Enchilada

Remember a few posts ago when I "wrote a letter to my co-worker" about him being super loud and annoying? Yes...well...he is no longer employed here (SCORE!), much to my ears' delight. But that's not why I'm writing (and before you go thinking I'm a horrible person for being happy about someone losing their job, I'd like to clarify that he's still selling security systems for the company, he's just not working in the corproate office any more...so he's not out on the street with no money).

ANYHOO, moving on to the point...on my lunch break tonight as I was eating my Lean Cuisine enchilada, I found myself talking to it (not out loud, mind you...) and suddenly realized that I have a weird quirk where I tend to compose letters in my head. Seriously, I do it all the time. These "letters" range from observations I make about the people around me to the inanimate objects I tend to talk to (come on, I bet if you think about it you'll realize you talk to things way more than you'd care to admit...). So in an effort to post on a more regular basis and because I think it's funny, I'm going to start sharing these brain letters in between my other rants about politics (yay health care reform!), my moral high horse (let Constance take her girlfriend to prom!), pictures of my cats, infertility updates (nothing yet), etc. And what could be more appropriate than starting out with the letter I wrote to my dinner?
Ahem....


Dear Lean Cuisine Enchilada,
You came out of the microwave smelling a lot like plastic, you burned the inside of my mouth (ok, that one was probably my fault), I am very suspicious about the contents of this torilla as I have never had an enchilada that tasted even remotely close to how this one tastes, and I have a feeling my tummy is going to hurt later. However, I would like to say kudos on the sauce, and I guess that for a supposedly healthy frozen dinner, you taste ok.
Love,
Julie
Yeah, I suppose I'm a little nuts...but it keeps me entertained (and hopefully it will entertain some of you as well).

This is one reason why I'm so passionate about this subject...