Ditched for the Enemy (7/28/07)

So here's what happened...I had 2 wedding receptions to attend last night, and my little sister had promised to go with me because my husband was working (that and she knew my friends who were getting married, and told one of them she'd go to his reception). I asked my sister via IM earlier in the day if she was still planning on going, to which she responded she was extremely sorry, but she'd forgotten about going with me and agreed to have dinner with my older sister and her husband. I told her that was fine, no worries, etc. Good thing it was on IM, because had I been talking to her on the phone she would have been able to sense how upset I was.

The thing about my older sister (let's call her Karin, because...that's her name) is that she hasn't spoken to me in almost 4 years...the last time she talked to me was my wedding day. What I did to offend her...I'm still not clear. My little sister has assured me that the bulk of Karin's reasons for hating my guts have absolutely NOTHING to do with me, and she blames me for a bunch of things for which I am completely not responsible, nor was I even involved in. I think there's a chemical imbalance there...it runs in my family. But anyway, I have tried apologizing for the one thing I know I did (which happened the day before my wedding...Karin had all the decorations for the reception and showed up 2 hours late...we were all waiting around for her and she wouldn't answer her phone when we tried to call...so I was a little grumpy with her when she finally did arrive. But I did apologize and thank her for her help that same night and geez, cut me some slack, I was about to get married and I was stressed!) multiple times, and every time have received nothing but stony silence in response. Fine, ok. And to continue the fun, Karin has since cut herself off from every single person in my family except my little sister. I guess she thinks we're all bad influences in her life or something, I don't know. I should probably add that there's a difference in religious beliefs...Karin left the church a few months after she was married, as did her husband, so she might feel unwelcome around us. However, I made it quite clear to her (before she stopped talking to me) that I don't care if she worships God, Buddha or a pair of jeans, it doesn't matter to me...so I would hope that for my part, religion doesn't have anything to do with it.

At first her not talking to me REALLY bugged me...it hurt a LOT, I didn't understand what I'd done, and part of me was incredibly angry at her for being such a selfish bitch and for not giving me the chance to make up for whatever it is I did to her...and for not even telling me what that was. However, over time and after many prayers and a few blessings, I was able to let it go for the most part. It doesn't bug me so much any more, and I thought I'd forgiven her. Ultimately, I still know that she will always be my sister and if she ever needs me, I will be there as soon as humanly possible.

So, getting back to yesterday...I was surprised at how upset I was about getting diched. The thing that threw me, though, is that I wasn't mad at my little sister...I was pissed at Karin. I suppose there are still going to be days when the whole situation bothers me, but I couldn't believe how mad I was about such a stupid little thing...it's not like going by myself to the receptions was a big deal....I went and I was fine. But I spent a good chunk of the afternoon trying to distract myself from the anger I felt toward Karin, and I'm still surprised by it. The thing that kept popping into my head was that sometimes I wish there was an all or nothing rule that dictates if you're not talking to one member of the family, you're not talking to any of them. I guess I felt that if you're going to cut yourself off from your family, fine...that's a choice you make...but you shouldn't get to pick and choose which family members you're still going to be best friends with and then force them into the awkward position of being stuck in the middle. I mean, this can't last forever. What's Karin gonna do when my little sister gets married (which is not too far off...she's got a serious boyfriend and I think they'll end up engaged in the next year or so)? Will she come to the reception and refuse to talk to anyone? Will she miss one of the most important days of her sister's life? What about when my little sister has children...will Karin have to call and ask when the rest of us are coming over to see the baby so that she can be sure to come when we're not there? I just think that eventually, either my little sister is going to have to pick a side or Karin will have to get over herself...or at least tell us how we can make it better so we can re-establish our relationships with her.

And again, I really do think she has a chemical imbalance, because most everything my little sister tells me about Karin's reasoning (which isn't much...I try not to ask because I don't want her to feel stuck in the middle, even though she is...) is completely devoid of logic. I just wish it hadn't bugged me the way it did yesterday. I'm feeling much better today...still not thrilled about it, but the sting is gone. UGH I guess that since I can't do anything to make it better with her, I just need to focus on making myself better and continuing to get over the situation myself...