So...here I am again. And you are all soooooo excited...don't deny it. Anyhoo, I will spare you all a novel of Julie-babble tonight, but I did want to post a poem the nurse gave me in the hospital the day of my surgery. It is by no means eloquent, but somehow it describes EXACTLY how I feel about this whole miscarriage fiasco, particularly in dealing with the responses of various people I've encountered along the ride.
It Was Only A Miscarriage
No matter what they said...
"It was only a miscarriage."
That's what they all said.
"Why are you all depressed and upset?"
"There will be others...
Besides it was an early one, at that."
"It's not as if you felt life."
"It was only a miscarriage--
pull yourself together."
Yes, it was early.
I'd known for a few weeks;
But Life--No, I didn't feel it
kicking inside me from that other person.
I felt it leaping inside my own spirit!
Life - a new Life; God working
wonders within me!
It was awesome.
We waited so long.
We had such hopes and dreams
of kicks and getting fat
and wearing maternity clothes.
Expectations of joy and love and
happy moments together.
But it was all over too soon,
much too soon...
And they all said, "It was only
a miscarriage,
You can have others.
You can try again,
you weren't that far;
It's not as if you lost a baby."
Well, what did I lose then?
I lost the potential of the full
becoming of a person.
I lost the spirit of a child,
an adolescent, an adult,
My child.
What became of it?
Is it washed away forever, never to count?
Does God count it?
Should I count it?
Or should I listen to them?
It was only a miscarraige,
early at that.
Pull myself together.
Somehow it was precious to me,
No matter what they said.
That honestly helped me not feel like I was nuts for feeling the way I did, and still do. So I liked it.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
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2 comments:
I LOVE this poem...it says it perfectly. Every baby counts...no matter how big or small. It plays with your emotions...pricks that "mom" heart string.
Your time will come...I pray that you get some answers soon.
Oh, and welcome to the world of blogging!!! Can't wait to share more of our lives with each other. I have been reading the previous posts.....
Julie - I totally understand all that you went through and are Still going through. It is so hard when people make light of it, i think some people are trying to make us feel better but honestly it does the exact opposite! I am really sorry you are having to go through this.
Remember if you ever need to talk I am here!
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