"Because you were home."

...It's eerie, isn't it? That line. Hi, we're not terrorizing you because you wronged us, or because someone paid us, or because we want to steal from you...it's just because you were home. And that is the exact reason I was so excited for tonight's movie:

Yes, The Strangers. Most of you (ok, all of you) know how incredibly twisted and sick I am, and how my favorite movies are those of the horror genre. I'd say this one is more of a thriller/slasher, but still...it was supposed to be scary.

I love previews, and the one for this movie was well done...it revealed just enough to suck me in and make me think that this would truly be the film to scare and disturb me for weeks (like when I first saw The Ring). What little the trailer revealed looked horrifying, at least in my opinion it did (I mean...masked psychos wandering around your house? That's CREEPY! I think masks are incredibly terrifying...my favorite "bad guys" wear them: Michael Meyers from Halloween, Thomas from The Orphanage...yeah).

So tonight we went, me especially with very high hopes. I was positive I was going to love this film. Love it I did not, despite how much I wanted to. Instead of the delightfully horrifying adventure I had anticipated, I was left with yet another movie acting as if the horror genre doesn't exist and it's doing something new that no one has ever seen before. It had pretty much all the horror cliches: the "I don't have to be careful, bad things don't happen to me" attitude, the part when the audience screams, "DON'T GO IN THERE" but the main character ignores them, the part where they open the drapes and the bad guy is standing there, the part where they go into what they think is an unoccupied room only to see that someone has been there, unbeknownst to them, and has written eerie things on the walls and windows...etc. And then there's my personal pet peeve...what I feel is horror rule NUMERO UNO...which was repeatedly broken throughout the course of this movie: when there's more than one of you, never...I repeat, NEVER separate. You are stronger together than you are individually. I mean...DUH, right? And yet...for the bulk of the film, the two main characters are alone, not because they are forced to be, but because they choose to be.

The one good thing about this film, Jacob and I agreed, was that it was pretty patient. It didn't immediately slap a bunch of horror and gore right in your face (in fact, there really wasn't that much blood at all...at least, in comparison to other slasher films). It took its time, and the build up was actually pretty decent.

But then I think the director had a brain aneurysm or something, because after all that patient, intense build up...he ruined it. And if anyone plans to see it, I'd stop reading right now...cuz I'm gonna give away the ending...

So there they are...our poor protagonists...they've finally been rounded up by their tormentors, and they know they're gonna die...as a matter of fact, the blonde chick has already told them that..."You're gonna die here" she says. The audience knows it too...these people are not James Bond, and they are out of tricks. The couple exchanges their final "I love yous" as their perpatrators remove their masks (not that we ever get to see their faces, cuz we don't...grrr) and prepare to carry out their evil deed. And carry it out they do. 5 seconds later, the scene is over.

NOT that I want to see a lengthy, drawn out murder scene...that's not my thing, and too many movies have made that mistake. But 5 seconds? The entire film builds up to a climax of 5 freaking seconds???? They made us sit through the entire movie for that??? Um...thanks but no thanks.

It gets worse...the true "horror film crime" comes about 10 minutes after the murders, as two "Mormon Boys" (the credits name them as such...which is funny because they're like, 12 years old...dressed as missionaries and handing out pamphlets called Christian Living...they even have their bikes with them...yeah, they got that one a wee bit wrong) enter the house. Why? Because the door is open I guess. Upon seeing the dead bodies on the floor...they don't run away, they don't call for help, they barely even react...until one of them walks up to Kristen (Liv Tyler's character)'s body. And what does he do? He kneels down and reaches out to touch her...and at the precise moment he reaches out, Kristen's eyes fly open and she screams bloody murder. Roll credits.

SIGH. Come on, people! I think I just need to stop having any type of expectations for horror films. It's such an easy genre to totally butcher (pardon the pun), there are only a handful of horror films I actually like (The Orphanage is a good one, if you're looking for recommendations...you gotta be willing to read subtitles though). Maybe one of these days someone will get it right...or maybe I just need to start liking romantic comedies.

Hmmmmmm...