I Love Las Vegas

If you ever want to take a road trip to Vegas and you need someone to go with you, give me a call. So help me I love that place. Went this past weekend with a couple of my friends, we had an amazingly fun time. :-)

A Slasher Film Lover's Lament

Jacob and I were hiking today (in the 102 degree heat...without water...we are so smart it kills me) and we were discussing, as we often do, movies. I specifically was talking about horror/slasher films, and I commented how I've been meaning to blog about how the evolution of the slasher film is not to my liking. It bugs me. So I'm blogging about it.

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen My Bloody Valentine, Friday the 13th or Halloween and you want to, don't read on.

So...I think we all know by now just how much of a horror film fan I am. I love the exhilaration of the life/death scenarios being played out, and I love to challenge my bravery by seeing if a scary movie will actually frighten me (not to brag, but they usually don't...which is surprisingly disappointing). Slasher films, I feel, are a sub-genre of horror, and they have their own set of rules which I will hereafter refer to as the moral code. People write essays and theses about it...when Jacob and I go to the Pop Culture Association convention, there are entire panels on this stuff. It's great.

ANYWAY, here's the basic gist of the slasher film moral code: if you have sex, you will die. If you are a jerk to other characters at pretty much any point in the movie, you will die. If you are breaking the law, dealing/taking drugs, drinking, being a hooligan or otherwise, you will die. However, if you are a virgin, not overly popular, not the best looking but an all-around decent person (very few of whom are found in slasher films), you will live. Actually, you will be one of the only ones to live. Take Jamie Lee Curtis in the original Halloween, for example. She's the only one without a date and she's stuck babysitting on Halloween which is pretty much the lamest thing ever for a teenager. Her friends are good-looking, have boyfriends and are getting their party on. And then they die, one by one (courtesy of Michael Myers, in my opinion the best slasher film villain ever). For me, it's fun to be able to watch what a character does and pronounce their death sentence upon them (yeah yeah, I'm morbid...but I'm ok with it), so I'm definitely a fan of the code.

However, I'm disturbed by the remakes that have been coming out because they are NOT sticking to the code!! Take My Bloody Valentine, for example (side note--slasher films are extra fun in 3D). As I understand it, this is a remake--I haven't actually seen the original, so maybe my argument is not valid, maybe the original doesn't stick to the code either. ANYWAY, at the end of this one the audience is faced with the all-too-familiar problem of "who done it." Being the intelligent viewers we are, we've narrowed it down to 2 guys: the local sheriff who has been cheating on his wife with her co-worker (who is her subordinate at the local grocery store--she dies), and the really nice albeit emotionally scarred (but with good reason--he witnessed the bad guy killing people with his pickax the first time around) high school sweetheart who has come back into town to basically get closure. So I, using my vast knowledge of the code, deduced that the culprit was surely the 2-timing jerk of a sheriff.

Um, NO. It's the nice guy. The dude who, in his youth, was a victim of horrible things and had basically spent his entire life in therapy trying to resolve his issues. Turns out he's crazy, has a split-personality and goes around dressed as a miner with a vengeance for...everyone. What does this tell us? That if you cheat on your wife, it will be ok, and she will save you in the end. Pitiful.

Moving on, next example. Friday the 13th...I'm sure you've all seen at least one of them, I think there are more sequels to this one than any of the other slasher films. Regarding the original film, the director has been really blunt about stating that he "followed the code," so to speak. I watched an interview with him where he talked about anyone who had sex had to die. And in the original, it is the one virtuous girl who manages to survive the wrath of Jason (or his mother, really).

Then we have the remake that came out this year. Feeling very certain of myself, I watched as all the youth made their choices and sealed their fate. The girl who was a slut was killed. The guys who were drinking beer and smoking pot were killed. The one kid who was a really big jerk to everyone died. At that point, there were just 2 people left--a nice young man looking for his sister and the virgin who had spent the beginning of the movie rejecting the advances of the jerky kid (she, not that it has anything to do with the plot, was played by a Disney-channel alumni...just saying, that association adds a lot to her character's wholesomeness). So you figure they're all gonna live, right?

Um, NO. Just when you think they're about to be in the clear, the kind-hearted virgin gets gutted by a machete, a la Jason.

What is the deal?? Is the moral code sacred to no one but me? Why no, no it's not. Apparently, it's sacred to me and Rob Zombie. Yes, that's right, Rob Zombie. Now, I haven't seen House of 1000 Corpses and I only made it through about 30 minutes of The Devil's Rejects (even I have my limits, there's a difference between actual horror and brainless shock value), which I guess can be considered slasher films (although I'd say the jury's still out). But I did see his remake of Halloween (which, for the record, is awesome--getting the guy who played Sabretooth in X-Men to play Michael Myers was genius--he's freaking huge and intimidating as ever), and he certainly had no trouble sticking to the moral code in that one.

Ok, maybe there were a couple of people who were murdered who didn't quite deserve it (the security guard at the asylum, for example...but his death was necessary for escape, he was in the way). But there's one part where a mother and her young child stop at a rest stop to use the bathroom. Michael Myers comes into the bathroom, but does he kill them? Why no, he does not. He just takes the mom's purse and steals her car...which is not really ideal but it is far preferable to death, especially death by a giganormous, criminally insane, William Shatner mask-wearing force of nature. He lets them live when he very easily could have killed them. That has moral code written all over it.

So thus ends my discussion on the matter. I have yet to figure out why these directors have felt the need to stray from the code that has been so carefully constructed by those who directed the original slasher films...which begs the question why was there even a moral code in the first place. I personally think it's a checks and balance system for all the evil and senseless killing. Opposition in all things and what not. But it's 3:00am and I need to get to bed, so I'll have to explore those questions another time. In the meantime, if anyone has any thoughts...

That was very frightening.

Sigh. We need to move, seriously. Why has our apartment complex gone completely down the tubes into crappyville? Could it be because whatever units are not rented magically become government subsidized low income housing? Perhaps. Not that I'm saying all people who need low income housing are trouble, but the ones here surely seem to be. Whatever.

So I was in bed, sound asleep (WHY do these things always have to happen in the wee hours of the morning??) when I was awoken by some woman screaming bloody freaking murder. I am not exaggerating. It sounded like she had managed to get to a window and started screaming, "HELP ME HELP ME OH GOD SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE" as if her life depended on it. We have really good accoustics here and it echoed throughout the courtyard, I'm sure the entire complex heard it. Shortly after the screaming began, a window slammed shut and the screaming became very muffled, then stopped.

My first instinct was to charge, so I dove out of bed, grabbed my robe and my phone and stomped out my door, ready to find out what the hell was going on and put a stop to it. However, apparently I am somewhat slow and uncoordinated after being jolted awake at 3:30am, so in the time it took me to get decent and grab my stuff, several people had already done so in a shorter amount of time, and they were charging instead. Ok with me.

My neighbor called the police, last I checked they were still here talking to everyone. I can't tell what's going on since I haven't gone back outside--I figure I can't tell them anything more than they've heard from everyone else. But I am absolutely terrified that someone is being hurt, raped or killed. I have never heard anyone scream like that before, ever. I know there's not exactly a lot the police can do if they get here and it's quiet, but part of me wants to beg them to ram down the door of whatever apartment it is. What if whoever was terrorizing this girl managed to shut her up and is now doing horrible, unspeakable things to her?? This is what's going to keep me awake.

Ok well, looks like the police are gone now. Maybe they found the woman, hopefully she's ok. I certainly pray she is. So, uh, yeah...anyone know of anyplace that allows pets and will be available to rent in December???

A Plea...

So today I was flipping through the channels and I happened to pause at the Tyra Banks show. Now, I do not normally watch that show...I'm not a Tyra fan (although I will admit I totally dig America's Next Top Model) and I really love it when Joel makes fun of her on The Soup. But I guess today's topic caught my attention enough to pay attention for more than 2 seconds. Tyra was talking to a woman...a pregnant woman who smokes. They were discussing the hazards of smoking during pregnancy...this woman already had 2 kids with severe asthma which they got as a result of her smoking when she was pregnant with them. Despite all the damning evidence in front of her, the stupid woman refused to quit.

There is a also girl I work with who is pregnant and smokes. I guess there's one every summer--if you recall my post from last year.

Needless to say, after watching that show and seeing my co-worker light up for at least the 4th time during her shift, my ire is significantly raised. Yes, I'm sure it's mostly because of my own struggles with getting pregnant, but I'm fairly certain I would feel the same way even if I wasn't currently dealing with infertility.

I will not tell anyone how to live their life, and I believe that people need to make their own choices...if they want to put that shit into their body, that's their business. HOWEVER--when it affects someone else like that, an innocent life--that's when my tolerance completely vanishes. These women have been given such a precious gift...a gift that women like me would do literally anything to have. And for them to knowingly put their unborn child in harm's way for no reason other than their own stupid selfishness disgusts me. Yes, I understand it's an addiction but I'm sorry, that is no excuse. When you have been given the chance to be part of a miracle, it is your responsibility to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to ensure the safety and well-being of that miracle, addiction or no addiction.

I realize that the only people who read this blog are my friends and family, to none of whom this really applies. But still, I'm putting it out there...if you are pregnant, please, don't take it for granted. Do what you need to do to be healthy for your baby. Realize what you have.