LOVE it

Unconditional Love

I need a vacation. I haven't had a day off from work (well, except for the usual weekend) since July...and I'm not one of those people who can work for months at a time without taking a break. I'm burned out, and it's starting to show. I've started to hate Mondays with a firey passion, I'm not very patient with customers even when they're not yelling at me, I'm significantly less social than usual when I'm at the office...and co-workers whom I typically don't mind are starting to drive me insane (I swear, I don't think I can handle listening to one more person bitch about having to answer the phone...you work in a call center people, that's the only thing in your job description!!!). Not good...really not good. Fortunately, Thanksgiving is coming up in a couple weeks and then I'm taking a day off to move (not exactly relaxing, but not being at work either)...so I just gotta hold out.

However...when my shift is over and I finally get to come home, there is something that makes it all better: a happy reception from this guy:

I can't tell you how much better it makes me feel to walk in the door and see that my black fuzzy furball is so happy I'm home. He circles my legs while I set down my purse and hang up my jacket, and after I pick him up his happy purrs melt away the day's frustrations...I've been gone for the past 9 hours and he's missed me. There's little in the world that makes me feel more special.

Hope

So...I've been debating whether or not to discuss my infertility situation any more than I have, and today I decided that I will. This experience, as awful as it's been, has taught me a lot and I want to continue to share what I've learned and how I've grown. So here goes...

On Friday I had my consult at the Reproductive Care Center up in Sandy. I had prepared myself for the worst...several times during this process I have set my expectations too high based on what my doctors have promised me and at this point I've learned to lower them instead as to avoid further heartbreak.

Some brief background: my first doctor put me on clomid, I got pregnant, I lost the baby. It happens. He put me back on clomid with the promise that if it didn't work on the lowest dose, he'd raise it and continue to work with me...but 3 months later I was referred to the infertility specialist after taking the same dose and nothing else. The infertility specialist, after briefly listening to my symptoms and medical history told me I needed in vitro...he even offered to have his loan officer friend get me a loan for the money. That didn't really sit right with me and I pressed for tests, which I did get...and then my gyno passed away. I decided to take a break for a few months, after which I found my current gyno. I went in for my initial visit with him, and to his credit he did listen very carefully to my situation, asking probing questions to get a better grip on what was wrong. He, as I've mentioned before, assured me he had an arsenal of things to try. He did raise my dose of clomid and put me on progesterone which supposedly should have helped...but 4 months later he told me it was time to go to the infertility specialist. This time I did my own research, and thanks to the testimonials of those who've already been down this road, I decided to give the RCC a try.

Which brings us back to the consult. So there I was, sitting on the doctor's couch waiting to hear what I've heard from everyone else...and to my complete and utter surprise, I was told that in this doctor's professional opinion that while it's definitely something to keep in the back of my mind as a last resort, he doesn't think I need to do in vitro. Uhhhhh...what? I was really hesitant to believe him at first...but here's what I learned from him:
-Clomid was not originally created as a fertility drug...it was actually a birth control pill. That's right, birth control. After it had been on the market for a while, doctors started noticing one of the side effects was that it caused women to ovulate so eventually it was used for fertility instead. However, while fertile couples have a 16% chance of getting pregnant every month, women taking Clomid only have an 8% chance...it thins the uterine lining and does a couple of other things that make it difficult to get pregnant. Hmmmmmm.
-He was shocked I had never been treated for PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), because most of the women he treats who have my exact symptoms have it. Interesting. So I finally got an actual diagnosis.

There's more...but I don't want to bore anyone w/more medical details than necessary. Anyway, after the doctor explained all this to me...he asked for my questions. I thanked him for his explanations and asked what he thought would be the best course of treatment. I expressed to him that I am willing to try whatever he thinks has a good chance of being successful--but also at this point I'm ready to bring out the big guns. So here's the plan: he's putting me on a combination of a fertility pill (NOT Clomid) and a shot...and then once I've ovulated we're going to try artificial insemination. And while the medications and actual procedure are not covered by my insurance, this is of course significantly less expensive than IVF.

I know there is still a good chance this won't work...but I cannot express to you how amazing it is to have a plan other than taking more of that blasted Clomid. There's a REAL plan in place and for the first time in what feels like forever, I have hope. It's a really nice feeling to have. So I'll keep y'all posted.

P.S. They also wanted me to take a Glucose test, which I did today...and I'd like to say that the stuff they give you to drink is disgusting. Seriously, ew.