A Slasher Film Lover's Lament

Jacob and I were hiking today (in the 102 degree heat...without water...we are so smart it kills me) and we were discussing, as we often do, movies. I specifically was talking about horror/slasher films, and I commented how I've been meaning to blog about how the evolution of the slasher film is not to my liking. It bugs me. So I'm blogging about it.

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen My Bloody Valentine, Friday the 13th or Halloween and you want to, don't read on.

So...I think we all know by now just how much of a horror film fan I am. I love the exhilaration of the life/death scenarios being played out, and I love to challenge my bravery by seeing if a scary movie will actually frighten me (not to brag, but they usually don't...which is surprisingly disappointing). Slasher films, I feel, are a sub-genre of horror, and they have their own set of rules which I will hereafter refer to as the moral code. People write essays and theses about it...when Jacob and I go to the Pop Culture Association convention, there are entire panels on this stuff. It's great.

ANYWAY, here's the basic gist of the slasher film moral code: if you have sex, you will die. If you are a jerk to other characters at pretty much any point in the movie, you will die. If you are breaking the law, dealing/taking drugs, drinking, being a hooligan or otherwise, you will die. However, if you are a virgin, not overly popular, not the best looking but an all-around decent person (very few of whom are found in slasher films), you will live. Actually, you will be one of the only ones to live. Take Jamie Lee Curtis in the original Halloween, for example. She's the only one without a date and she's stuck babysitting on Halloween which is pretty much the lamest thing ever for a teenager. Her friends are good-looking, have boyfriends and are getting their party on. And then they die, one by one (courtesy of Michael Myers, in my opinion the best slasher film villain ever). For me, it's fun to be able to watch what a character does and pronounce their death sentence upon them (yeah yeah, I'm morbid...but I'm ok with it), so I'm definitely a fan of the code.

However, I'm disturbed by the remakes that have been coming out because they are NOT sticking to the code!! Take My Bloody Valentine, for example (side note--slasher films are extra fun in 3D). As I understand it, this is a remake--I haven't actually seen the original, so maybe my argument is not valid, maybe the original doesn't stick to the code either. ANYWAY, at the end of this one the audience is faced with the all-too-familiar problem of "who done it." Being the intelligent viewers we are, we've narrowed it down to 2 guys: the local sheriff who has been cheating on his wife with her co-worker (who is her subordinate at the local grocery store--she dies), and the really nice albeit emotionally scarred (but with good reason--he witnessed the bad guy killing people with his pickax the first time around) high school sweetheart who has come back into town to basically get closure. So I, using my vast knowledge of the code, deduced that the culprit was surely the 2-timing jerk of a sheriff.

Um, NO. It's the nice guy. The dude who, in his youth, was a victim of horrible things and had basically spent his entire life in therapy trying to resolve his issues. Turns out he's crazy, has a split-personality and goes around dressed as a miner with a vengeance for...everyone. What does this tell us? That if you cheat on your wife, it will be ok, and she will save you in the end. Pitiful.

Moving on, next example. Friday the 13th...I'm sure you've all seen at least one of them, I think there are more sequels to this one than any of the other slasher films. Regarding the original film, the director has been really blunt about stating that he "followed the code," so to speak. I watched an interview with him where he talked about anyone who had sex had to die. And in the original, it is the one virtuous girl who manages to survive the wrath of Jason (or his mother, really).

Then we have the remake that came out this year. Feeling very certain of myself, I watched as all the youth made their choices and sealed their fate. The girl who was a slut was killed. The guys who were drinking beer and smoking pot were killed. The one kid who was a really big jerk to everyone died. At that point, there were just 2 people left--a nice young man looking for his sister and the virgin who had spent the beginning of the movie rejecting the advances of the jerky kid (she, not that it has anything to do with the plot, was played by a Disney-channel alumni...just saying, that association adds a lot to her character's wholesomeness). So you figure they're all gonna live, right?

Um, NO. Just when you think they're about to be in the clear, the kind-hearted virgin gets gutted by a machete, a la Jason.

What is the deal?? Is the moral code sacred to no one but me? Why no, no it's not. Apparently, it's sacred to me and Rob Zombie. Yes, that's right, Rob Zombie. Now, I haven't seen House of 1000 Corpses and I only made it through about 30 minutes of The Devil's Rejects (even I have my limits, there's a difference between actual horror and brainless shock value), which I guess can be considered slasher films (although I'd say the jury's still out). But I did see his remake of Halloween (which, for the record, is awesome--getting the guy who played Sabretooth in X-Men to play Michael Myers was genius--he's freaking huge and intimidating as ever), and he certainly had no trouble sticking to the moral code in that one.

Ok, maybe there were a couple of people who were murdered who didn't quite deserve it (the security guard at the asylum, for example...but his death was necessary for escape, he was in the way). But there's one part where a mother and her young child stop at a rest stop to use the bathroom. Michael Myers comes into the bathroom, but does he kill them? Why no, he does not. He just takes the mom's purse and steals her car...which is not really ideal but it is far preferable to death, especially death by a giganormous, criminally insane, William Shatner mask-wearing force of nature. He lets them live when he very easily could have killed them. That has moral code written all over it.

So thus ends my discussion on the matter. I have yet to figure out why these directors have felt the need to stray from the code that has been so carefully constructed by those who directed the original slasher films...which begs the question why was there even a moral code in the first place. I personally think it's a checks and balance system for all the evil and senseless killing. Opposition in all things and what not. But it's 3:00am and I need to get to bed, so I'll have to explore those questions another time. In the meantime, if anyone has any thoughts...