I HATE SKUNKS

So I was driving home from work last night...well, technically this morning at 2am...thinking of how great it was going to be to get home to my nice, soft, comfortable bed. It's been a long week and I was exhausted. So I was driving along, being sure to follow all the traffic laws because the Pleasant Grove police have nothing better to do than hide in dark corners and catch people speeding so they can give them tickets. No seriously, that's how it is. So I'm driving, I'm driving, and then...SKUNK!!!!! Right in the middle of the road, there it was. Naturally, I slammed on my breaks. In retrospect I should have just kept going, it was perfectly centered in the lane between my wheels and there's a good chance it would have lived to tell the tale to its little skunk friends. But no, I braked and it scurried...and managed to align itself just perfectly with the right tire of my car.

There was a small "thump" as I ran right over it.

It all happened pretty fast and it took me a minute to process. Wait a sec, did I just kill that skunk??? Don't ask me why, but I felt like I had to make sure so I looped around and drove past the spot where I'd hit it again and sure enough, there it was, dead in the road. SIGH. Obviously there wasn't anything I could do so I just went home feeling horribly guilty. I like animals and am not in the business of killing them. I just hope it was killed instantly and didn't have to suffer. I sadly pulled into my parking space, got out of the car and instantly my nostrils were assaulted with the worst skunk stench I've ever had the horror of sniffing.

Oh nooooooo...my car....

Yeah. Did you know that when you hit a skunk with your car, it bestows all its stink on your vehicle? Well it does.

I ran into my apartment, gagging...and called Jacob because I didn't know what else to do. I was expecting to get his voicemail b/c I assumed he'd be flying, but he actually answered.
Me: What are you doing answering your phone?
Him: What? Why are you calling?
Me: Well I was just going to leave you a voicemail.
Him: Ok, but why are you calling?
Me: I killed a skunk.
Him: You what?
Me: I ran over it on the way home from work and I killed it and the car smells AWFUL.
Him: Oh...
Me: I think the smell is coming into the house. The neighbors are going to be soooo pissed!

Side note: for those of you who don't know, we live in a fourplex...so I was worried that if it was coming into my apartment, surely it was going to make its way into the other 3...

Him: Park the car out on the street.
Me: Do you think I should go to Wal-Mart and get some stuff to wash it off?
Him: What are you going to get?
Me: I dunno, skunk cleaning stuff. Do you think they have that?
Him: Just take it to the car wash tomorrow.
Me: I don't think that will be enough. It's sooooooooooo bad.
Him: It will be fine, don't worry.
Me: Ok well I'll let you go, I just thought I'd tell you so you could call me later if you had any ideas.
Him: Sorry.

I still had no clue what to do...and then I realized that I'm probably not the first person to slaughter a skunk with a car so I hopped online and typed "skunk smell car" into the search field. No friends, I am not the first...there were TONS of suggestions. Various commercial cleaners, lemon juice, tomato juice...one guy was like, "Just leave it, it will go away in a couple of weeks." A couple of weeks??? Uh, no, that is not going to work for me. The one thing I did notice that several people listed was a combination of hydrogen peroxide, baking soda and dish soap...all of which I happened to have in the house. Score.

I mixed it all up, put it in a spray bottle and headed outside with a flashlight, my pepper spray (after all, it was 2:30am at this point) and my car keys. I sprayed the front tire EVERYWHERE...I even moved the car forward a little so I could get the part of the tire that was on the ground. I sprayed until the bottle was empty and was convinced that the smell had started to dissipate a little bit. Only time will tell now. I gathered my things and as I walked past the rear of the car the stench hit me again. Guess what everyone? Cars have two sets of wheels. TWO. And although the front tire made the initial contact with the skunk, the back tire ran over it too. I hadn't even thought to spray the rear tire and it was still stinky as ever back there. Brilliant.

I stomped into the house and grabbed my purse because of course, I had used all my hydrogen peroxide and most of the baking soda. There's a Rite Aid right down the street, they'll at least have the peroxide! I got in the car and drove to what I sadly realized was not a Rite Aid, it was a Walgreens (I should know this, I just filled a prescription there the other day). You know what the difference between Rite Aid and Walgreens is? Rite Aid is open 24 hours, Walgreens is not. FINE! I'll go to Wal-Mart, ya jerks!

I trudged through the doors of Wal-Mart and the greeter cheerfully said, "Good evening, miss!" Part of me wanted to scream, "It's 3:00am and your parking lot smells like skunk thanks to my car, it is NOT a good evening!!!!!!" But instead I smiled and said hello. I grabbed the baking soda and peroxide located the only checkstand that was open and made my way to it. There was a bell sitting on the conveyer belt and the cashier was straightening the magazines.
Him: Have you come to ring my bell?
Me: Uh, yeah, I guess so.
Him: Baking soda and hydrogen peroxide?
Me: Yup.
Him: I hope you're not planning on...blah blah blah

I really have no idea what the dude said, I'm sure it was something clever or nerdy or whatever.

Me: Actually, I ran over a skunk tonight and I read online that mixing these things w/dish soap will get the smell out.
Him: Well baking soda and peroxide will definitely help disable the compound.
Me: (Do you actually know what you're talking about dude?) Good, because my car smells AWFUL.

I got back home, mixed it up again and went outside. I attempted to spray it but it wouldn't come out. I checked the nozzle of the spray bottle, it was open. I tried a few more times in vain so I stomped back into the house to examine it in better light. It appeared that not all the baking soda had dissolved and had accumulated at the bottom of the bottle and clogged the tube thingie...so I had to wash that out, shake it until the soda dissolved and then it finally worked again. I sprayed the hell out of the rear tire and called it good.

I came back inside, threw away the empty peroxide bottles and rinsed the spray bottle before putting it in the diswasher. Then I realized my fingers were starting to hurt. NOW what??? I looked down at my hands and couldn't see anything out of the ordinary until I examined them more closely and realized there were itty bitty bubbles all over the skin on my fingers. Shit, I'm chemically burning my hands! I threw them under the faucet and washed furiously, continuing to curse at myself for not wearing rubber gloves. Fortunately all the little bubbles popped and stopped hurting (they left little red dots, but I woke up this morning and they were gone). Don't play with chemicals using your bare hands, kids, it's dumb.

At this point I was really, really tired. But I'd left the computer on so I figured I might as well check my email before going to sleep. I sat at the desk and as I logged in I realized I could still smell skunk. Oh no, it DID get in the house. Then I realized maybe the smell hadn't seeped though the windows from the car being parked too close...so I sniffed my shirt. Are you kidding me. No, really...are you freaking kidding me??? That's right friends, the smell was on ME.

Trying not to cry, I stripped down and ran into the bathroom with my stinky clothes. I threw my shirt in the sink, turned on the water, grabbed the laundry detergent and poured. I sniffed my pants again...the smell was less strong, so instead of soaking those in detergent I flung them over the shower curtain rod and proceded drench them in extra strengh Febreze. Now came the part I was truly afraid of...was it just on my clothes, or had the smell gotten on my skin and hair as well? I sniffed my slightly burned hands...they smelled like soap. I sniffed my arms, they were fine. Ok. I pulled out my ponytail and sniffed my hair. THANK GOODNESS it still smelled like conditioner!!

As my heart rate slowed down, I put on my pajamas, brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. It was just after 4:00. Paranoia of stinking up my bed led me to sniff my arms and hair a few more times, but fortunately it really was just my clothes. I drifted off to sleep...

...and as I woke up this morning, the memory of my "exciting" evening slowly crept back into my brain and I groaned. I got up and checked my pants. They smell like Febreze. Not Febreze and skunk, just Febreze. Hallelujah. My shirt, after soaking all night, appears to have lost the smell as well although I won't be positive about it until it dries all the way. Then there's the car. The baking soda/hydrogen peroxide/dish soap concoction seems to have done the trick on the back tire, but the front tire still stinks. I suppose that since it's the tire that did the actual killing, that makes sense. It's not nearly as strong as it was last night, but it's definitely still there. I think I'll take it to the car wash later today and maybe give it another dose of the peroxide stuff since I still have a bottle left. Unfortunately the smell made its way into the interior of the car a little bit...I'm trying extra strengh Febreze and letting it sit with the windows cracked, hopefully that gets rid of it.

I wish I could say I learned my lesson and I'll never kill a skunk again, but I can't because I couldn't help that it was in the middle of the road and really, this could happen to anyone. I will say, however, that any guilt I had from killing the damn thing is very much gone as I feel thoroughly and sufficiently punished.

And seriously guys, I hope this never happens to you. Or if it does, that it's not smack dab in the middle of the freaking night.

I'll keep you posted.