I learned something today...6 weeks is a LOT longer when you're pregnant than when you're not. When I found out I was pregnant and decided how much maternity leave I wanted to take, 6 weeks sounded like more than enough. I had my babies and it seemed like I wouldn't have to come back to work forever.
And yet, here I am.
At first it was fun...I got to catch up w/my co-workers and meet a lot of new people who were hired while I was gone. But now, 5 hours into my shift, I seriously don't wanna be here any more.
Maybe it's because I'm worried about the babies behaving for Jacob (he said it took them a really long time to go to sleep tonight, sigh), maybe it's because I have a lot of stuff to catch up on which I'm not super excited about (I had almost 300 emails in my inbox...), maybe it's because I'm EXHAUSTED (that is another story in itself...I've been sick for over a month now with what turned out to be bronchitis...problem is I didn't do anything about it until it got so bad that I physically became unable to breathe while laying down, which of course made sleep literally impossible. I haven't gotten more than 3 consecutive hrs of sleep...no exaggeration...in 2 weeks)...it's surely a combination of all those things. But I really do NOT want to be here.
I genuinely thought that I would be excited to have an aspect of my life that's not 100% about babies because let's be honest, I love my kids more than I can describe but it is difficult to be in baby land all the time, but at this moment I would rather be elbow deep in poo and spit up (um, thanks for that imagery, Julie!) than here taking phone calls and trying to prioritize my to do list (which eventually ended up with me blogging...yeah, that makes sense). And working is not the only way to keep one of my feet in the "adult world." Just saying.
It's only my first day back, I should probably give it some time.
The REALLY bad part is that I don't TECHNICALLY have to be here. Jacob got a new job right after I had the twins (which was awesome but super stressful for him, poor guy) and his salary is enough that I honestly don't have to work. We also qualify for health insurance as of his hire date, so that resolves the other reason I needed to come back. Then again, it would probably be prudent to hang on to this job...the company that hired Jacob is really new and not profitable so there's a bit of risk involved as far as stability is concerned. So we could fall back on this job for income if Jacob's company doesn't stay afloat.
But right now I don't wanna.
Hopefully it gets better soon. Or maybe we'll decide it's better for everyone if I quit. Perhaps we should consult the Magic 8 ball...?
In other news, I started to write a review of Scream 4 but I don't think I'll be finishing it so let me state that first off, Jacob is awesome b/c he insists I get out of the house every so often to do something fun, and since I'm weird and like seeing movies by myself that's what I do. Jacob is the best. And secondly, I enjoy the Scream movies because I like their commentary on the horror/slasher genre. Scream 4 did not disappoint. If you recall my post from a while back lamenting screenwriters and directors' departure from the slasher film moral code...well, this movie addresses that very thing with witty and intellgent banter, and that's something I greatly appreciate. So long story short, I recommend Scream 4. It would be a way better use of your time than Insidious, which I also saw...which totally sucked (you don't even know what movie I'm talking about, I bet, since it was so awful and did horribly in theaters).
Ok. That is all for now. Until next time...bye.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
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3 comments:
Ah.....my poor tired sis.
I know you feel crappy...and that makes going back to work even lousier than it normally would be.
Maybe you are right. Maybe quitting is the answer....I don't know, but you will figure it out. :) Trust your gut. It never lies.
And just for the record, going to see movies alone is NOT wierd. I rather enjoy it.
Ya know, when I lived in Utah, I felt a lot like you do about work. It seemed like everyday was just like having to come back after six weeks off. It will get better though. I feel lucky Anjanette does not have to work, but there are times a second income would be really, really helpful. Until you decide to be fininshed, try to enjoy yourself because there are people out here cheering for you!
*hugs* I'm so sorry that you've been sick! If I were that tired and had cute babies I could be with, I definitely wouldn't want to be at work either. I agree with Maureen to trust your gut about whether to quit or keep the job. Let me know if you need anything. Thinking of you.
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