Perspective

My family and my friends are so nice, kind, awesome, etc...just good people.  They said, "Julie, you are strong!" or "Julie, you are a hero (to my sons)!"   First, THANK YOU!  Thank you.  But I think I am not (a strong person or a hero).  I did not saying, "Julie, you will a strong person because you want to!"  Nope...my life was saying, "Julie, just do it because you have to."  There was not a choice.  After my stroke it was sad, then moving to Seattle and saw my marriage then crumbled...sigh.  Then my divorce was hell (I'm not lying, I will not divorce again...hell, I don't know if my will married again).  My old life was hard.  BUT I have to, because my sons need me.

Here it is the thing...before my stroke my coping was singing (driving and singing was my therapy), writing (hello blog haha), talking my family and friends.  After my stroke my coping/therapy was shattered.  I can't sing right now...remember my apraxia (my blog)?  I know the lyrics...BUT my silly mouth won't work.  And after my stoke, writing is so, so, so, SO hard.  If my can't talk, forget write (plus spelling is a joke haha).  I was trying to the "half full water glass" but damn, having a stroke is hard...and I was sad (and sometime still sad).  Then, I think moving to Seattle was good...a new slate.  I was so dumb...so, so, so dumb.  I will not what happening all, because it is done.  BUT I will say divorce was not pretty.  Child custody was worse; reading the declarations...the outright lies then defense me, meet the parent evaluator, take the tests, going to court (hate, hate, HATE court!) etc. was HELL.

I was down...it is easy when your life is hard and you say, "I can't do it..I'm done."

Then...yay Netflix...there was a documentary calling "Auschwitz: Inside the Nazi State."  It was interesting.  I went to see Dachau (a concentration camp) when I was in Germany (I was fifteen...) ...awful.  So, watch the horror the...wow...crazy. The BAD crazy.  You can think I am cheesy...BUT...watch the awful stuff to the Jews, I think "You know, I am fine!  I'm so happy that I am not a in a concentration camp!"

Now, my sons need me AND I want to a happy life.  And I am.  If you are think the bad stuff, then think your life...life is good, and it works.  Maybe people will says, "Duh, we know."  But perspective is the key for me (and a good therapist haha).  Try if you want to...it will help.

My Life

Good-bye new state

Good-bye new the freeway

Good-bye new friends

Good-bye new house

Middle the states

Middle the freeway

Middle the restaurants

Middle the hotel

Hello old state

Hello old freeway

Hello old friends
Hello old home

Good-bye new family

Hello old family

Good-bye new pain

Hello old peace

good-bye coward

HELLO CONFIDENCE

good-bye hellish chapter

HELLO NEW CHAPTER

...I am happy!!!

My Stroke: Aphasia and Apraxia

My ex-husband wrote (my blog) what happened after my stroke (and thanks Jacob).  I want to write myself now....because my story is not done.

There a stroke group and I go when I can...I love it (thanks Megan and Dr. Kendall!).  We watched a movie called "Aphasia: Hope is a four letter word."  Before I was watching, I think I forget a little...I forget the therapy in the hospital.  But when I was watch the movie, I remembered.  There is a scene...Carl (the man with aphasia) went to a party.  There was a jackass...he yelled to Carl, "Hey Carl, where is your nose?"  And, of course, he doesn't know (and yes, that happened).  I remember sitting in the hospital...and the therapist said, "Julie, where is your nose?"  Guess what?  I didn't know.  I didn't know my body parts.  That was so, so humiliating.  There is aphasia...evil aphasia (ummm, I can say I know my body parts again...phew haha!).

After we moved to Washington, we met Megan.  There was a study in Washington of University.  Megan was my speech therapist for 6 weeks...5 days and 2 hours.  Megan taught to phonics again.  For me, that was awesome!  My speech therapists in Utah was so good, but I was slow.  After working and WORKING with Megan, I was talking better and better (so, so, so happy).  There was a test with the study.  There was weird no-real word...I have to try talk that (hate it! Haha), reading, numbers, and naming pictures.  Naming pictures was frustrating, because there was a lot that I know that name, but my silly mouth.  Like, there was a picture...there was a "treasure."  My brain said, "Oooh, a treasure!"  I tried...again and again...but NOPE.  My mouth was working....silly, dumb, silly mouth.  Thank you, apraxia.  When I was talking to Megan and I seeing a picture I said, "Ugh, it is right there (pointing my forehead) but my mouth is not working!"  Haha that is my life right now.  

So...that is a little my story.  I'm not done, but right now after 2 hours, I got to go ;).  Thank you for reading you want to.  :)

Hi my blog! I miss you!

Well...my hell is done. Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No trial, no drama...now, I can write again (haha kinda ;)).  I could write what happen, but who cares?  LOL that's why I go to therapy (YAY therapy!).  ;)  

Freedom is awesome.

1 year ago my life was crazy.  I was shy, anxious, SAD, and not happy.  It is hard still...blah blah stroke blah blah...but now, I am confident and happy...still lonely but I am moving to Utah.  :)  Hi family and friends, I am coming!!!

Favorite Quote

(Thanks Karin...)

"Life has no other discipline to impose,

If we would but realize it,

Than to accept life unquestioningly.

Everything we shut our eyes to,

Everything we run away from, everything we deny,

Denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end.

What seems nasty, painful, evil,

Can become a source of beauty, joy and strength,

if faced with an open mind.

Every moment is a golden one for him

Who has the vision to recognize is a such."

-Henry Miller