Perspective

My family and my friends are so nice, kind, awesome, etc...just good people.  They said, "Julie, you are strong!" or "Julie, you are a hero (to my sons)!"   First, THANK YOU!  Thank you.  But I think I am not (a strong person or a hero).  I did not saying, "Julie, you will a strong person because you want to!"  Nope...my life was saying, "Julie, just do it because you have to."  There was not a choice.  After my stroke it was sad, then moving to Seattle and saw my marriage then crumbled...sigh.  Then my divorce was hell (I'm not lying, I will not divorce again...hell, I don't know if my will married again).  My old life was hard.  BUT I have to, because my sons need me.

Here it is the thing...before my stroke my coping was singing (driving and singing was my therapy), writing (hello blog haha), talking my family and friends.  After my stroke my coping/therapy was shattered.  I can't sing right now...remember my apraxia (my blog)?  I know the lyrics...BUT my silly mouth won't work.  And after my stoke, writing is so, so, so, SO hard.  If my can't talk, forget write (plus spelling is a joke haha).  I was trying to the "half full water glass" but damn, having a stroke is hard...and I was sad (and sometime still sad).  Then, I think moving to Seattle was good...a new slate.  I was so dumb...so, so, so dumb.  I will not what happening all, because it is done.  BUT I will say divorce was not pretty.  Child custody was worse; reading the declarations...the outright lies then defense me, meet the parent evaluator, take the tests, going to court (hate, hate, HATE court!) etc. was HELL.

I was down...it is easy when your life is hard and you say, "I can't do it..I'm done."

Then...yay Netflix...there was a documentary calling "Auschwitz: Inside the Nazi State."  It was interesting.  I went to see Dachau (a concentration camp) when I was in Germany (I was fifteen...) ...awful.  So, watch the horror the...wow...crazy. The BAD crazy.  You can think I am cheesy...BUT...watch the awful stuff to the Jews, I think "You know, I am fine!  I'm so happy that I am not a in a concentration camp!"

Now, my sons need me AND I want to a happy life.  And I am.  If you are think the bad stuff, then think your life...life is good, and it works.  Maybe people will says, "Duh, we know."  But perspective is the key for me (and a good therapist haha).  Try if you want to...it will help.