Yup, I'm Alive...Kinda

Just wanted to post a brief update before you all write me off as being dead...

My blood pressure spiked even more last Friday so my gyno decided to induce me that day...was admitted to the hospital around 1pm, doc broke my water at 3pm, got my epidural (the first time...took them 3 times to get it in) at 4pm, then again at 7pm (they had to take it out b/c it was only working on one side, took them another 3 tries to get it back in but it actually worked after all that), was wheeled back to the OR at 10pm (I didn't have a c-section, it's standard procedure to deliver twins in an OR in case something goes wrong), and after a grand total of 15 minutes of pushing both babies were born. Jameson Michael was 5lbs 8oz and Jaxon Gregory was 4lbs 11oz.

We were told that aside from a small issue with their blood sugar levels both were fine...but then the next day we were told that the blood sugar issue had resolved but they were having trouble maintaining a high enough body temp due to being so small and not being able to eat enough.

Long story short, I was discharged on Sunday, Jameson was discharged on Monday, and Jaxon is still in the hospital...he still isn't eating enough to maintain his body temp so they have him on a feeding tube. So right now we're adjusting to having a new baby at home while having another one in the hospital, and it's not easy. We can't go visit him at the same time b/c we can't bring Jameson w/us now that he's been discharged. So I go every day by myself for his 4:00 feeding and Jacob stays home w/Jameson. It literally breaks my heart that I can't be with him all the time...and I feel horribly guilty that I can only see him for an hour a day. But he has a 24 hr nursing staff caring for him and Jameson only has Jacob and I, so that's what I have to do most of the time. Not that I don't love caring for Jameson, he's been a really good baby so far...I just want BOTH my sons home so very desperately.

Hopefully Jaxon will get to come home soon...he has been gaining weight, as of today he's 4lbs 13oz so hopefully he will be big enough soon to use his calories to continue growing instead of solely to keep warm. The nurse told me in her opinion he could probably come home this weekend or Monday, but of course it's completely up to the doctor.

So that's why I've been silent lately...I can't even think about it without crying so I'm really not up for talking. Thank you for all the phone calls, texts, facebook comments, etc. We're holding off on posting a lot of pics until both babies are home...but here are a few we took in the hospital. :-)

So...I promise we will post a bunch once everyone's home safe and sound. In the meantime, thanks again for all your concern, it does mean a LOT to me and I'm sorry I haven't been better about expressing my gratitude. Love you all.

Probably the Last Ones...

Hi friends...

Here are the most recent belly pics (yes Cajsa my dear, these are mainly for you)...I had Jacob take a couple the other night and another one today. These will probably be the last ones I post since even though I'm no longer scheduled for an induction this week, I will have them for sure by the 31st (my doctor doesn't let his twin moms go past 38 weeks)...which is obviously later than I'd like but not too awful...and then I can post pics of them instead. :-)

So here you have it...the belly at 35 weeks...

Yeah, the grey striped shirt does a better job of making the belly look smaller than it actually is...don't know if you can tell much, but they've dropped a bit...which I hope means that maybe they're planning on coming soon.

I think this is my "I'm sooooooooooooo ready to be done" expression haha.

I was going to post pics of my swollen feet as well, but I don't want to scare anyone...seriously, I don't. Can't wait for them to be back to their normal size (so I can wear my shoes again). :-)

So yeah, there you have it. I'll keep you posted on if they decide to induce me on the 24th (I hope I hope I hope) and of course I'll let y'all know once the boys are here...and thanks to all for your encouraging comments and kind words. I know my posts have been super whiny lately. Hopefully there won't be any more of those from now on...

The Perinatologist is a Sadist

So...went to the hospital today for my follow up appt w/the perinatologist. Except it wasn't the same Dr. I saw last time, it was a new perinatologist who told me that despite what the other one said, she doesn't think I need to deliver at 36 weeks...she actually doesn't know when I should, but she'll recommend to my gyno to have me come back in 2 weeks and "we'll go from there."

Um...pardon me...we'll go from there????? You guys give me a date, snatch it away and don't even give me any idea of what the new date could be?? WTF.

So scratch the 17th, that ain't happening. Unless by the good graces of the universe I go into labor on my own. I could. I'm not counting on it.

I will do what's best for the babies but quite frankly I'm beyond exhausted, I'm in pain, my ankles and feet are constantly swollen no matter what I do, I'm moody (really Julie? We couldn't tell...), I'm reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaally sick of going to the hospital almost daily to be monitored and I hate the fact that we planned everything around that date (which...yes, probably shouldn't have done that but I really didn't think they'd change it on me) and now I'm left with no game plan. I need a game plan. I don't do well with "let's wait and see." There was a light at the end of the tunnel and while it's still there, it got a lot smaller today. Lights at the end of tunnels aren't supposed to do that.

And I feel like a bad mom because I feel like I'm being selfish and should be happy that the babies will be cooking a little longer instead of being devastated that they won't be here as soon as I thought they would (and please...please...nobody tell me the longer they're in me the better and this will help them avoid the NICU, etc. I am very aware of these things, I am. Which is part of why I feel so guilty about being sad that they're pushing the induction back).

Stupid perinatologist...I don't want to come see you in 2 more weeks, I want to have my babies.

My next gyno appt is on Tuesday, I'm going to see what he thinks about letting me be induced at 37 weeks (which is full term). If he says no, then I will be a good pregnant lady and go back to see the sadist for her expert opinion on the matter. If he says yes, then SCREW THAT.

And now...since I feel really awful about the last few posts being so negative, here is something I found on the "WIN" section of failblog so I can end on a slightly amusing note. :-)



see more funny videos, and check out our Insanity Wolf lols!

Seclusion

Hello everyone.

There are missed calls that haven't been returned, voicemails I haven't even listened to, and emails I haven't answered. I'm still here, I'm still alive, I'm just not really fit for human contact at the present time. I sincerely apologize to all those I've neglected.

The past 2 weeks have been a roller coaster. While the complication of one of the babies being too small is fairly common for twins and somewhat minor, it has led to almost daily doctor's appointments and visits to the hospital for monitoring which have proven to be surprisingly draining for me. One day everything will be fine, the next I'll be laying on the hospital bed sipping Sprite and watching TV when several nurses burst into the room to have me change positions every which way while barking things like, "Page her doctor, prep the OR" at each other which leave me wondering what the hell is going on...until they've stared at the computer screen next to me for a few minutes and declared it was a false alarm.

So, between stuff like that and dragging my butt to work every day, I am exhausted and on edge and don't have any desire to talk to anyone until this is all over.

I'm not throwing myself a pity party, this is what I signed up for and I know that I'm lucky...as far as high risk pregnancies go, I've barely touched the tip of the iceburg when it comes to potential complications. I just wanted to provide an explanation for my lack of contact and also give a heads up cuz it's not going to change until after the boys are born and have been given a clean bill of health.

It will all happen soon enough though...9 days left (SINGLE DIGITS!) unless I go into labor before then (which is entirely possible since I'm now officially 3 cm dilated and contracting...not regularly, but that can always change). I'll try not to write any more less than happy posts...and I'll try to get one more belly pic up for y'all too (it's HUGE haha). In the meantime, please know that your friendship doesn't go unnoticed or unappreciated. I'm just focusing all my energy on making it through the rest of the pregnancy. :-)

Happier News

Ok, so I'm fairly certain that my next several posts are going to be primarily baby-related...mainly because that's basically the focus of our entire life right now. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll get back to ranting about movies, politics and other stuff in no time. :-)

Anyhoo, I just wanted to post briefly with the latest update as far as the twins are concerned. I went to the hospital again yesterday for another non-stress test, and both babies are looking good. Baby B's heartrate was strong and fast, and it didn't dip down like it did last time. Baby A fell asleep so it took a bit longer for his heartrate to spike the way they wanted it to, but after they "buzzed" him (the buzzer is this little thing they put on my belly...it doesn't vibrate or anything, it just makes a buzzing noise and it woke him right up...pissed him off a little bit too, I'd say haha) he cooperated and I was able to go home after about an hour and a half of monitoring as opposed to the four hours I was there last time.

I went to my regular gyno appointment today...they checked me and I'm still dilated 2-3 cm...and they scheduled my induction for St. Patrick's day. :-) Not sure what time yet, and this isn't 100% set in stone...I have another appointment with the perinatologist next week and if he still thinks they need to come out at 36 weeks we'll keep that date. But if he feels it's ok they might try to push it back one more week, which would mean I'll be induced on the 24th (unless of course, I go into labor on my own in which case they told me at this point they won't try to stop it). Half of me says yes, keep them in there as long as possible...the other half of me says PLEASE GET THEM OUT! Haha but either way it goes down, we're excited that it's so close. My shower was last Saturday and we were very lucky to receive lots of very generous gifts...we're feeling confident that as far as "baby stuff" is concerned, we're pretty prepared.

So yeah, there you go. :-) Hopefully the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly and we don't have any more scares...and as usual, I'll keep you all posted.