Christmas is coming, and Julie's getting fat...

...except Christmas is already here, and I am most definitely fat.

Here's the belly at 24 weeks. Crazy how time flies...only a few more weeks and I'll be entering my thrid trimester. No complaints about that though, my ankles have turned into tree trunks b/c of the swelling and I've definitely started waddling haha. It's only going to get more uncomfortable from here, I'm sure. It'll all be worth it, though...Merry Christmas everyone!

This is scary

Facebook debates...are stupid. Especially with this guy. I should know better. But tell me this isn't horrifying...

Troy: I think its funny that the Liberals/Communists are touting the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” as this great political victory; when they’re the ones who made it up! I don’t get it!? Are they admitting their stupidity? Or proving it?

Julie: As a liberal, I had absolutely nothing to do with its inception, so I can feel victorious. :-) Although truth be told it's not so much a victory as it is something that should have been repealed LONG ago (and in my opinion, it should have never even been an issue), as one's sexuality has nothing to do with one's ability to serve his/her country. It was an archaic policy that had no business being there in the first place (see Troy?? We kind of agree...KIND OF).

Troy: I’m not sure what to think of it. Seriously though, this shows the Libs/Commies two sidedness. As far as the policy is concerned… I think “don’t ask don’t tell” was kind of a good idea; from a common sense stand point. I personally feel ...that don’t ask don’t tell should be practiced in all facets of public life and business. I don’t want to know about ANYBODY’S sex life. Not yours, not my parents, nobody’s. And I know nobody wants to know about my sex life. Now I defiantly don’t think we should make it “law” like the Democrats did in the 90’s, but any moral person should have enough common sense to keep that stuff private regardless of them being a Liberal Commie or Conservative Patriot, straight or gay.

My biggest concern here is how this will affect things in the military. They’re already spending far too much on sexual counseling, sensitivity training, legal matters and much more just by having Women serve alongside men in the military. Millions are wasted each year policing these issues. Now we’re throwing more into the mix. I for one would much rather see those millions spent to buy guns, ships, aircraft and other technology used to fulfill the military’s purpose. I mean let’s face it, G Gordon Liddy said it best years ago on his radio program when he said; “the military is there to kill people and break things”.

Look, I have gay friends, and they have a right to be gay. We'll have to see how this plays out. I’m afraid that this may cause problems among units (no pun intended--see it' already happening) made up of men and women that are not as tolerant as, myself and others may be. This can cause serious issues among troop morale. So yes, this is a potentially large victory for the anti-military left wing. And that is not a good thing for this country and ANYBODY’S sexuality or orientation.

So to Julie, yes, we do kind of agree. Kind of. ☺

I would be interested in have my friends that have served or are currently serving in the military weigh in on this if they happen to read it. I know they would be professional about it, and ad insight we civilian “armchair” Generals don’t have.

Julie: ‎*shrugs* I think it's easy for you to say that the "don't ask don't tell" mentality should be implemented into all facets of life because you're straight. When you walk through the store holding your wife's hand, that's not keeping your s...exual orientation private...but nobody cares when YOU do that. People see you and your wife and know you're straight and it's fine. But if my friend and his boyfriend were to do the same...well, that's just horrible. Even when they're not being affectionate in any way (which in public they almost never are) it's still not ok with most people (around here, at least). I think it should be. I'm not going to try to force anyone to change their religious beliefs and what not, but at the very least people need to understand that seeing 2 gay people in public is not the end of the world, and it's not going to hurt them. Bottom line is, we can try to adopt a "don't ask don't tell" mentality and ban all public displays of affection so there's no chance of anyone knowing what sexual orientation anyone else is...or people can learn not to give a shit about it and mind their own damn business. I'm in favor of option #2...I like holding my husband's hand when we go places. I want the same for my gay friends.

While I may be against this supposed war on terror we're fighting (and no, I'm not pleased with Obama's handling of it either), I am NOT anti-military. I want the finest equipment for our soldiers and I don't necessarily agree w/all the spending in the military on sensitivity training and all that either...the people I know who are currently in the military couldn't care less if their fellow soldiers are gay or straight. But at the same time, a lot of people do not share that mentality and I most definitely don't agree with the military kicking over 13,000 people out because they're gay, so maybe some of this is necessary. I don't know Troy, what's the price of equality? It's a hard issue.

Troy: Julie, I like you. I really do. I’m not sure where you’re coming from though. I don’t see the homophobia you liberal activists portray conservative people like myself to have. Your argument also throws tolerance out the window. It’s ok though. I’ve read the good book. And in the end… I know who wins.

p.s. I respect your right to right to your beliefs, even when they’re wrong, but please keep it respectful. I nearly deleted your post (not because of your argument, but because of your lack of respect in the way you express your views), but it’s a good demonstration and example in Liberal/Marxist /Communist values; which is a strange and historically destructive, failed religion.

Julie: Well Troy, honestly...I apologize that you are offended by what I said. I only say it b/c I have witnessed it first hand, I have seen with my own eyes the blatant discrimination of homosexuals around here and it hurts me to see my friends treated that way. I seem to remember you parading around the office telling people you were taking martial arts to "fight off the gays." This is something even your fellow Mormons were appalled to hear you say.

But once again I am reminded that you and I are always going to think the other is wrong and that will never, ever change.

Hope you have a good Christmas. :-)

Kidney Stones are the DEVIL

Hello friends. Before I write anything, you all should know by now that I'm not super awesome at censoring my blog posts so here's your TMI warning. :-)

So ever since I got pregnant the only discomforts I've had are a couple bladder infections, which are extremely annoying but overall not too horrid (although when I have one I might say otherwise). I never had any morning sickness or vomiting and in general have felt pretty darn good thus far. So when I woke up feeling like I had a bladder infection the Friday before Thanksgiving, I didn't think much of it...I still had a prescription for antibiotics so I filled it and went about my day.

That night I woke up around midnight with a bit of pain in my back and side, which I found odd. I got up went to the bathroom...and WOW did that hurt. The pain didn't subside so I took some Tylenol and started pacing around the apartment. I don't know why I paced, I guess I just didn't know what else to do. A couple hours later when it hadn't gotten better I texted my sister, who's a registered nurse, hoping she was awake and at work (she works the graveyard shift at the hospital). She never responded (I looked at my phone the next day and realized that in my painful agony I had texted her home phone #, not her cell...*special*) so I figured she wasn't working that night and continued pacing. Around 4:00am the pain had become so intense I could barely walk. I remembered that my health insurance inculdes a 24-hr nurse hotline so I called it and the RN who answered, after asking a bunch of questions about my condition, advised me to seek medical assistance as soon as possible. So I woke Jacob up and he drove us to the ER (and can I just complain for a sec...there is a hospital literally 3 minutes from my house but it's not in network so we had to drive 10 minutes to the one that is...which doesn't seem like a huge deal, except the fact that I was in so much pain every little bump in the road made me want to die). They took a urine sample, placed an IV and the doctor said it sounded like a kidney stone.

Um, what? A kidney stone? That was not what I wanted to hear. You always hear about how horribly painful they are and while I actually have a pretty high tolerance for pain, I would rather not deal with it if I can avoid it. Just saying.

Anyway, after pumping my veins full of painkillers and anti-nausea medication (which made me delightfully groggy), they sent me home with a prescription for percocet and instructions to drink lots of water and wait for the stone to pass. I wasn't convinced I had a kidney stone, but did as I was instructed. I drank a ton of water and took it easy for the next couple days, and I figured I must have passed it on Sunday night because on Monday I woke up feeling just fine...which was a relief because we were leaving the next morning for Washington to spend Thanksgiving with Jacob's family.

So yeah, we drove to Washington and although the trip there was awful (see my previous post...stupid snow...), I still felt fine. Yeah, that was short-lived. I woke up at 6:00 the next morning and the pain was back. Goooooodie. I popped a percocet and started chugging as much water as I could...and I paced. By 8:00 it hadn't gotten any better and I was actually starting to get really nauseated. I began freaking out because I didn't want Jacob's family to see me pacing around in my pajamas and trying not to cry. Yeah, well, they did. Around 9:00 I decided maybe taking a hot shower would help (how??? No idea...) and once I got in I realized my leg was swollen...the leg that was on the same side as the pain. That freaked me out even more. So after my shower (which totally didn't help) I called my sister, who told me it was possible that the kidney stone was completely blocking the tube from the kidney to the bladder and I needed to go back to the hospital.

DAMNIT.

I told Jacob and off we went. The drive to the hospital closest to my in-laws' house is WAY longer than the drive to the hospital here (we're talking 20 minutes at least)...it felt like a freaking eternity.

After we FINALLY got there, I gave yet another urine sample, they got me checked in and in a bed, a nurse came and took all my info...then we waited. And waited. And I had to get up to pee a lot because I'd chugged so much water. It was horrible. The pain I felt while I was peeing was 10 times worse than the pain when I wasn't. I literally had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming, it hurt so badly.

By now it was about 11:00am and although my nurse had said they were going to start an IV and give me some pain meds, he was nowhere to be found and I was getting more panicked by the minute. The pain became so intense I couldn't stop myself from shaking (you know how they ask you to rate your pain on a scale from 1-10? I was definitely at a 10)...finally Jacob decided enough was enough and went to find someone to yell at. Apparently my nurse had taken his lunch break and the nurse who was supposed to be covering for him forgot about me. After Jacob chewed her out a bit she took a blood sample, placed my IV and I finally got some relief.

Eventually the ER doc came in and told me there was no infection found in my urine but that blood showed that my potassium was too low and white blood cell count was too high so they were going to hook me up to a heart monitor and give me an ultrasound of my kidneys to see what they could find. She said it sounded like a kidney stone but they wanted to check everything out. The ultrasound revealed 2 kidney stones...1 in each kidney...but kidney stones in your kidneys don't hurt you...it's when they move out of the kidneys that it becomes painful. My uterus was blocking where the tube connects to my bladder so they couldn't see if there was stone there as well. Because of my white blood cell count they were nervous about my appendix, which they also couldn't see because of my uterus...so they decided that since I couldn't have a CAT scan I needed an MRI.

I can see how claustrophobic people would flip out while getting an MRI but I was so exhausted at that point that I thought it was kind of nice to be strapped to the table thing, shoved into a giant camera and told not to move for half an hour. Having to hold my breath for 30 seconds at a time while they were taking pictures was kind of annoying but overall I was just so happy to not be in pain I didn't even care.

Anyway, the MRI revealed that my appendix was fine but they still couldn't see if there was another stone b/c once again, my uterus was in the way. Everyone who saw the results told me the babies were really cute though. :-) The urologist explained that she thought there really was a kidney stone blocking everything and so they were going to keep me overnight, pump a shitload of fluid into me and hope that it passed. She said if that didn't work we'd have to look at putting a tube in my back to drain the urine that was backed up. Awesome. I was a bit surprised that they were keeping me overnight, but I was also grateful b/c I knew being there meant being able to manage my pain and also that my babies would be carefully monitored.

After the MRI I saw a perinatologist and got to have an ultrasound of the babies (where we actually found out for sure that they're both boys) to make sure they were ok, which they were. The doctor assured me that the pain meds they were giving me weren't hurting the babies at all, and the most important thing was for me to be comfortable b/c me being in that much pain can put stress on the babies.

So yeah, then they took me to my room (which was honestly bigger and nicer than some hotels I've stayed in), set me up with some antibiotics and more pain meds in my IV (I had my own button that I could push to administer medication when I needed it...soooo nice!) and then Jacob's family dropped by for a visit. The doctor FINALLY gave me the ok to eat, so my father-in-law ran and got me some chicken mcnuggets (I crave them all the time) and a slurpee, which was the best meal I've ever eaten haha. The nurses came in to monitor the babies' heartbeats so Jacob's family got to hear them, which was pretty cool.

After everyone left Jacob and I were both pretty wiped out...they had a nice couch/bed for Jacob to sleep on so he could stay with me...so we went to sleep. Then around midnight I got up to use the bathroom and low and behold, I passed the stone (they gave me this lovely strainer thing to pee in...so fun). I called the nurse to have her check and make sure, and she was so impressed by the size of it that she called in all the other nurses to have a look. I can't remember the last time I've felt that relieved.

And fortunately my white blood cell count was back to normal the next day so they let me go and we were able to spend Thanksgiving w/Jacob's family instead of in the hospital, which would have been a bummer.

So now (and for the remainder of my pregnancy)...I drink buckets of water, I avoid consuming too much calcium, and I've pretty much given up colas (doc says I can still drink stuff like ginger ale and Sprite so I can somewhat feed my carbonated beverage addiction haha). Here's to hoping the next time I'm in a hospital is when I'm having my babies...and hopefully I won't have to ever go back after that!!

Let it snow, let it snow...MAKE IT STOP!!!

Hello friends. As promised, I'm back to tell more stories.

So...this year for Thanksgiving, it was our turn to go spend it with Jacob's family in Washington. Seeing as how Thanksgiving is in November, we usually fly there. However, this year funds were pretty slim so against our better judgement we decided to drive. You see, we have driven in the past with disastrous results (these results consisting of near-apocolyptic blizzards), and I made very solemn vows to myself not to EVER drive there in the winter again. But...it's amazing how things change when it comes to finances.

A few days prior to our departure I started obsessively hanging out on weather.com, looking up cities along our route to see what the weather would be for our drive. It actually appeared to be pretty decent at first, but the day before we left I saw that we were most likely going to hit a little snow. A LITTLE snow. Ha.

Anyhoo, on Tuesday morning we got up at 4:15am and were on the road by 5:00. During fair weather, the drive to Seattle is 13-15 hrs...but since I figured the weather wasn't going to be all peaches n' cream I wanted to make sure we gave ourselves plenty of time so we'd arrive at a decent hour. Again, ha.

Things were fine at first...we drove for a few hours and made it across the Idaho border without incident. There was snow on the ground but none falling. Once we were about 30 miles from Twin Falls (where we were going to stop to refuel and I was going to take a potty break), the wind really picked up and there were these random patches of road where the snow had been blowing across and had turned to ice. Annoying, but not anything I couldn't handle (I was behind the wheel at the time). However, things became increasingly worse and by the time we were about 20 miles from Twin Falls, the weather had gone from mild to extremely blustery and snowy. A couple miles later we came to a complete stop--cars were backed up as far as the eye could see. Not good. Especially not good for the pregnant lady who needed to pee.

We waited. And waited. Jacob got out of the car and walked up the road a way to try to see what was going on...he dug someone's car out of the snow but they weren't the reason we were at a standstill. He came back and we waited some more. An hour passed. Jacob got out of the car and walked up the road again, this time determined to find the actual cause of everyone being stopped.

In the meantime, I tried to focus on anything other than the fact that I really had to pee. My 2 babies teasing me by hanging out on my bladder, moving off it, and then coming back again was really not making it easy. Eventually, it became apparent to me that even if everyone started moving again at that exact moment, there was no way I was going to make it all the way to Twin Falls to use a restroom. Awesome. In a panic I started looking around the car. Jacob had assured me that he would adequately cover me should I need to go on the side of the road, but I was not sold on that idea (besides the fact that I doubted that he could shield me from everyone's eyes, who the hell wants to pee outside in the middle of a blizzard?? Uh, definitely not me). There had to be something, right?

And then I spotted a can of Pringles...we'd eaten about two-thirds of them. Determined, I grabbed it and started shoving pringles in my mouth. I soon realized that I wasn't going to be able to down all of them without making myself sick, so I looked around for something to put them in. We'd brought a box of fruit snacks and had already eaten most of them, so I ended up putting the rest of the pringles in the box w/the few packets of fruit snacks that were left, then I climbed into the back seat and did what any desperate pregnant woman would have done (maybe). Fortunately, I'd turned off the engine so the windows were all fogged up and I was confident no one could see. After using the makeshift toilet paper I'd created (notebook paper I'd been crinkling and uncrinkling), I shoved the lid back on and climbed back into the front seat.

A few minutes later Jacob came back and apologetically informed me that there was a huge accident about 3 miles up the road...a semi had jack-knifed and a UPS truck had run into it so the road was completely blocked...and it was still going to be a while before we'd be going anywhere. I told him that was fine, I was good. He gave me an odd look since prior to now I'd been rather loudly complaining of the lack of a bathroom...so I had to explain to him what I'd done. He was simultaneously shocked and pleased with my...ingenuity...?

Anyway...FINALLY after 2 hours of sitting, we got moving again. Then we hit snow again in Oregon and Washington...and ended up arriving at my in-laws' house at midnight. 20 hours in the car...sweeeeeet.

Surely the way home would be better, right? NOPE. We once again hit snow in Washington and Oregon, and then in Idaho we hit some more...IN THE SAME AREA. Damn you, Twin Falls. Actually, damn you Idaho. They closed the freeway so we had to drive clear the hell out of our way to Pocatello where we finally were able to meet up with I-15. That was an extra 2 and a half hrs which ended up making the drive back a grand total of...you guessed it...20 hours in the car.

So this is me, stating for the record with the entire blogging world as my witness...we will NEVER drive to Washington for Thanksgiving again. EVER.

And I really, really, hate Idaho.

20 Weeks

I have sooooo many stories to tell...but it's bed time (don't mess w/a prego lady and sleep haha), so all you get tonight is a couple of belly pics, since it's been a while. The first one is a really bad picture of me, but what can I say? I'm becoming less and less motivated to "git my pretty on" as the days continue...so here's the belly at 20 weeks:



Aaaaaaand, here we have Jacob's attempts to indoctrinate our children to be H.P. Lovecraft fans. I know you can't see what's playing on the iPod, but it's a recording of a Lovecraft novel...hooray for "story time."

So there you go. We had the "big" ultrasound today...ya know, the one where they measure everything to make sure the babies are on track. For the record, both babies are doing great: baby A is 14 ounces and baby B is 12 ounces, both have strong heart rates and the rest of their measurements are right on track so everything's looking really good. Oh, and it's official: they are definitely both boys (which we actually found out last week, but that's another story to follow shortly).

Now if we could just come up with names...

Much more to come, stay posted. :-)

I do NOT get it, but...

I've found that I easily become addicted to reality TV...show me 10 minutes of a reality show and it's not uncommon for me to be more or less hooked (although I would like to state clearly for the record that I did watch about 10 minutes of Jersey Shore and the only effect it had on me was extreme disgust...there is absolutely NO worry of me getting hooked on that one). I don't necessarily have to watch every episode of these reality shows, but I like to watch frequently enough that I know what's going on (or, if it's a competition-type reality show, who's been sent home and such).

However, there's one reality show that sucked me in more than the others...TLC's Sister Wives. I'm not sure exactly why it fascinated me so much; maybe it was because I was raised as a Mormon and polygamy is a big part of their history, maybe it was because this particular family lives pretty close to me (on one episode one of the wives went to her gyno b/c she was pregnant, and her gyno is totally part of the same practice mine is...I was like, "Hey, I go to that building for MY doctor appointments!"), most likely it's a combination of the two. Either way, I saw one episode and actually made sure I watched the rest of them (I almost never plan to watch anything...typically I watch TV because I have nothing else to do, not because "my show is on")...then the night of the season finale TLC had a marathon prior to the last episode and I honestly sat and watched for hours so I could see all the episodes in order (I'd missed the first few...and then of course I had to see the last one).

My initial reaction was..."Damn, this is so wrong, those women are nuts!" Not to mention I think men who live a polygamous lifestyle are hypocrites (this guy, despite the fact that he seems like a pretty nice fellow, is no exception...he took his first wife to dinner for their anniversary and as she was trying to express her struggles w/jealousy due to him courting another woman who later became wife #4, he commented on how "vulgar" it would be if she were to be interested in another man...um, hello?). But still I continued to watch.

And the more I watched, the more I was forced to take the time to really ponder my philosophy on their lifestyle. I have always had a "live and let live" philosophy...basically, I don't care what people choose to do with their lives as long as it's not hurting anybody else...in my mind, there are very few exceptions to this philosophy. However, polygamy has always been one of those exceptions to me...I've always pictured it as being extremely degrading to those who I assumed were unfortunate brainwashed women, and I am not ok with perverts like Warren Jeffs marrying middle-aged men to underage teenage girls...

...but in this case, I didn't see any evidence of their lifestyle having a negative effect on anyone, and here's why:
-They're not civilly married so they're not breaking the law, all the wives were of legal age when they got married, and all chose it willingly (hell, one of them was raised as a mainstream Mormon and left her family and friends behind because she believes so strongly in their lifestyle) and continue to choose to remain in that lifestyle.
-It's come up a couple times at work and some of my co-workers have expressed their concern that the show will further the assumption that Mormons are still practicing polygamy, but in the very first episode the husband was very sure to specify that they are NOT mainstream Mormons and aren't really even a facet of that religion. Honestly, Mormons should probably be more worried about Big Love when it comes to that misconception.
-Some argue that being raised in a polygamous home has a negative effect on the kids, but it doesn't appear to. One of their daughters even expressed how she has no intention of being in a polygamous relationship when she gets married, and her parents are all supportive of that. These kids are not being told that they will be forced to live that lifestyle in their marriages if they don't want to...it doesn't even appear that they're expected to be in polygamous relationships at all.

Of course a reality TV show doesn't show you EVERYTHING that goes on and maybe my conclusions are way off base...but from what I see, their lifestyle works for them and they're happy. They don't try to shove it in anyone's face and they don't appear to even be promoting it...they seem to have a very firm grasp on the fact that their lifestyle is not appealing to most people. So I asked myself how I can argue for something like gay marriage on the grounds that the gay lifestyle is not hurting anyone and then turn around and say these polygamists shouldn't be allowed to live how they choose when they're not hurting anyone either? I really don't want to be a hypocrite.

So ultimately, my conclusion is that while I genuinely do not understand why anyone would choose to live that way (even the men...when my hubby jokes about becoming a polygamist I remind him he has way too much estrogen to deal with already...yeah, I'm definitely a handful and I think most women are), this is the life these people picked...and in this particular case, that's fine with me.

Uhhh...what are you doing??

Confession time...ok, it's not really a confession, it's more like "here's a random fact about Julie that you probably didn't know, and really don't NEED to know...at all:" I am extremely self-conscious when using the restroom (yup, this story is off to a great start!). Example: some married couples can use the bathroom right in front of each other; I've been married 7 years and I still lock the door and turn on the fan. Even for #1. Seriously. I'll even shut the door when I'm home alone, lest the cats wander in and see me.

And it's even worse when I'm at work (especially now that I'm expecting, simply because the frequency has increased haha). As you all know, I work in a call center...which equals one big building full of lots of people. Naturally, the bathrooms there accomodate more than one individual. If the bathroom is completely vacant when I need to use it, of course I'm fine. But if other people happen to be there...bad times for me. Sometimes if I go in and there are people already there, I will turn around and come back later. If someone comes in while I'm already in there, I literally freeze. And I wait until they have done their thing, washed their hands (would you believe that some people actually don't wash their hands??? It's disgusting!!), and walked completely out the door before resuming.

So on Friday I was in there...had just sat down when the bathroom door opened and someone walked in. So I waited...whoever it was mozied on into a stall, got the toilet seat protector paper thingie situated, etc...and I thought she'd do her thing and get going so I could do mine. But instead of doing what people normally do in the restroom, she didn't do anything. "Uh oh..." I figured I had another shy restroom user on my hands. Which can be really bad, naturally, because someone has to go...cuz if we're both too mortified...well, it's a problem. I decided to wait it out. So wait I did.

And then, after a few seconds, what did I hear? Clicking...the clicking of little buttons. Wait, is that your phone? Are you TEXTING??? Who TEXTS in the bathroom???? Last I checked, bathrooms are not the ideal location for using your cell phone (unless you're a real estate agent...man, those guys will talk on their phones no matter where they are!!). Annoyed, I continued to wait. And she continued to text. I'm telling you, it must have been a super important conversation b/c it went on for a while. So long, in fact, that I was forced to break my bathroom policy because honestly, I needed to get back to work...people were going to start wondering where I'd gone and I really wasn't feeling up to explaining it.

SO...I did what I had to do. And wouldn't you know, once I'd taken that leap of faith apparently her really important conversation was over and she proceded to do what I assume she came in there to do in the first place.

Now, the only thing worse than someone else hearing you do your business is someone else hearing you do your business and then seeing you as you wash your hands. I don't want anyone to KNOW what I specifically sound like when I do that (irrational fear, anyone???). Plus I really hate having to talk to people in the bathroom. In my opinion, it's one of the worst places to have a conversation. For some reason other people do not feel that way...there have been several times when people have walked in while I'm washing my hands and decided to chitchat. Some have even talked to me while doing their thing! Holy awkward, Batman! So naturally, when I realized this girl was probably going to see me washing my hands and, depending on who it was, potentially strike up a conversation with me, panic set in.

FORTUNATELY FOR ME, she must have had a really complicated belt...or was just as panicked as I was (maybe she was humiliated that someone heard her texting in the bathroom...although if that was going to be a concern, she probably wouldn't have done it in the first place)...either way, I managed to wash my hands and get out of there before she emerged from the stall.

*Huge sigh of relief*

Moral of the story? Please do not text while in the bathroom. It's creepy and weird, and you never know if there's someone like me 2 stalls over having a panic attack. Thank you.

Ian McKellen is friggin' awesome

Love, love, LOVE it!



see more Very Demotivational

I Win

I would like you all to know...

...that I successfully evaded the skunk that darted out in front of my car on my way home from work tonight.

That's right, kamikaze skunk, I WIN.

I'm so creative...or not

Jacob and I were invited to a few Halloween parties this year...I wasn't really feeling motivated to dress up (I was NOT about to paint a jack-o-lantern on my belly), but I managed to do a little something (sorry, the lighting sucks)...

Here's a close up of my "name tag."

A bit bratty I suppose, but it got a lot of laughs... :-)

Happy Halloween!

I can't think of a better way to celebrate Halloween than by watching this awesome video. ;-)

Story Time

So, now that the cat's out of the bag about the in vitro working, I thought I'd write a little somethin somethin about what the procedure is actually like. The kids can read it when they're older and be grateful to Mom for what she had to go through to bring them into existence haha.

I honestly had no idea how much STUFF goes into the whole process. The clinic we went through (love, love LOVE them...sooooo grateful to the person who referred me there!) had a class that Jacob and I took prior to actually starting anything to give us an idea of what we were signing up for, but there's only so much they can say to prepare you, if you know what I mean. The process sounds a wee bit different on paper.

Anyway, it started with a month of birth control pills...cuz you have to let the ovaries rest before running a marathon, was how they explained it. No biggie there. Then came the daily shots of a drug to prevent premature ovulation...that went on for a few weeks before adding a bunch of other stuff to it. It was pretty crazy--they had a whole sheet to explain how to mix up all the different medications into one big shot. Let me tell you, by the time it was all over I was extremely tired of sticking myself. Yeah. So once I started giving myself the big shots, I would go in every other day to have my blood drawn and to have an ultrasound to see how many follicles my ovaries were producing. In a normal cycle, one ovary produces one follicle every month...they were hoping to get at least 7 or 8 from each of mine. Fun, right? Haha it actually wasn't too bad...I thought I would feel a lot worse than I actually did.

So yeah, once I had enough follicles they scheduled me for surgery to retrieve them a couple days later...I only had to take one more shot (praise all that is good for that!) and haven't had to stick myself since. Surgery itself was super easy for me, of course, since I was unconscious for it. I really don't remember too much about that day...I remember there being pain, and then the nurse put something warm and fuzzy in my IV and it went away. I remember getting home and making myself comfy on the couch and then I think at some point I told Jacob I required a roast beef sandwich so he went to Arby's. Yeah. Pretty sure I slept for the rest of the day...and the night.

Ok heads up...this next part may be TMI for some of you, so read on if you dare...

A few days later we had 8 fertilized embryos of high quality so it was time to put a couple of them back in. In all honesty I wish they'd have put me under for this part as well haha. My instructions were to show up at the clinic an hour before my scheduled procedure with a half-full bladder (which I learned is b/c that flattens the uterus, which is the ideal condition for it to be in when they put the embryos back in). Now, those of you who know me very well understand that I have a pretty freaking small bladder, so this part made me very nervous. Regardless, I did as I was told. Unfortunately for me, that day they were short-staffed and were running late. Very soon my half-full bladder became a full one. They finally took us back, gave me some valium and assured us that it wouldn't be long until it was time to go into the OR (yeah, they have their own OR...gotta do all this stuff in a sterile environment...it's pretty awesome). By the time it was our turn, I was pretty much ready to burst. But I figured it couldn't take more than a couple minutes, right?

Wrong.

All in all I don't think I was back there for more than about 20 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. First they had me lie down on the table, then they put the damn speculum in me. You men will NEVER understand what that feels like but any woman who's been to the gyno and had a yearly exam knows exactly how uncomfortable it is to have one of those in you. Seriously. Then add the fact that it was pushing up on my extremely full bladder and you'll understand the panic I felt. It took a couple minutes for them to finish prepping me...I'll spare you the details on that...and then the embryologist had to come in from the lab and ask me a bunch of questions to make sure I was really me so they could be sure they would be putting the correct embryos in (I'm very grateful for their thoroughness but at the time was not pleased with what I felt was an unnecessary identity check...haha). Once he was satisfied that I was who I said I was, he handed the embryos over to the doctor, who then had his assistant place the ultrasound thingie on my belly so he could make sure he put them in the right place.

Ok, so there I was...my bladder was full to the point of bursting, I had the speculum pushing up on it, and now I had the stupid ultrasound thing pushing down on it. I was so ready to cry...Jacob said the look on my face was one of intense focus and extreme terror. The doctor was chatting pleasantly as he did his thing and I could barely respond because the whole time I was telling myself "don't pee on the doctor, don't pee on the doctor!" Fortunately for everyone involved, I didn't. After the embryos were in and the doctor was kind of enough to take away anything pushing up or down on my bladder, I had to lay on the table for another 10 minutes. Which, at that point, seemed like nothing compared to what I had just been through. However, you can bet once they told me the time was up, I headed straight for the bathroom. I don't think I've ever been so grateful to go in my entire life, no exaggeration (and I'm pretty sure the nurses got a kick out of my extreme haste haha). Then the valium finally kicked in and I spent the rest of the day in a relaxed haze. Good times.

So there you have it...my in vitro story. Of course it was completely worth it...I'd have gone through a lot more if it meant being able to get pregnant (but am grateful I didn't have to). And really, I have no doubt that labor and delivery is probably going to make all this seem like cake. But I'm not going to worry about that until it gets here. :-)

The First One

Yesterday was a pretty cool day, because I got to do something that for a while, I never thought I'd get to do. There's been an envelope sitting in the bottom drawer of my dresser for almost 3 years now...see, the last time I was fortunate enough to get pregnant, Jacob and I thought the perfect way to tell our families was for him to give me a gift card to a maternity clothing store for Christmas. But then I lost the baby in November, so the gift card went into the drawer where I told myself it wouldn't stay for very long. As you all know, I was quite incorrect.

However, yesterday I finally allowed myself to open that drawer, take out the envelope, and open it (BIG SMILEY FACE). If anyone missed the facebook announcement, I am pregnant. The in vitro worked beautifully and we're expecting twins...I just started my second trimester (for those of you not familiar with pregnancy lingo, that's 14 weeks...3 months along) and I'm due April 14. It's taken a while to sink in, but now after a few trips to the doctor, 3 ultrasounds (one of the awesome things about being pregnant w/twins is that I get to have an ultrasound at every doctor's visit to check on their heartbeats), and my pants getting extremely uncomfortable, we've accepted that this blessing is actually real.

.

And yes, my pants getting too tight was the reason for me to finally open that envelope. My sister was kind enough to take me shopping so I can begin piecing together my pregnancy wardrobe. Thank goodness for maternity pants, I am so much more comfortable now.

Anyway, so that's our big news. And thanks to popular demand (ok, only one person demanded it...this is for you, Cajsa!), I'm posting my first (of many, I'm sure) pregnancy belly picture. I swear, I was NOT this fat yesterday. Jacob says it's because the babies are happy not to be squished any more thanks to my new pants and have spread out into the additional space. And yes, I should probably switch to maternity shirts too, but I'm wearing my regular ones as long as I can get away with it haha. :-) Anyway, here you go...enjoy!

Failbook is hilarious

So work has slowed down quite a bit and I've been reading a lot of failbook to pass the time (I know, my job is soooooooooo hard...). There are a TON of funny posts on there, but this one had me giggling for quite some time...



see more Failbook

Wish I Had Been There...

The other night while I was at work, our doorbell rang.

Friends of Scouting Guy: Hi, I'm with Friends of Scouting...blah blah blah we'd like you to donate some money blah blah blah...

Jacob: One question first...are the Boy Scouts of America letting gay people in yet?

Friends of Scouting Guy: Uh, no.

Jacob: Well then...we'll have to pass.

My husband is so awesome. :-)

It was an interesting weekend...

...but not the good kind of interesting.

So, my dad had a heart attack last week. That was really not the way I wanted to wake up on Friday. My phone rang and the caller ID said "Mom Cell Phone," which I immediately knew meant something wasn't right. My mom is possibly the worst cell phone carrier of all time. Usually she only has it on when she and my dad are out of town and she's worried one of us might need to reach her...so the fact that she was actually calling me from it meant something out of the ordinary had happened. I answered and she told me that my dad had suffered from a heart attack and he was going to be fine, but she wanted to let me know. I grabbed a pen and paper to jot down which room he was in at the hospital and told her I'd be there in a bit.

I have a good relationship with both of my parents, but I've definitely always been a "daddy's girl." My dad and I share a similar sense of humor and I feel there are things about me that he understands better than my mom does. He was certainly much less exasperated with me as a teenager (sorry Mom!).

So you can understand how for me at least, there is something very unsettling about seeing your dad laid up in the hospital with tubes in his nose and wires connecting him to all sorts of machines neither of you understands which beep for no apparent reason (ok yeah, of course there's a reason...I'm just of the opinion that hospital machines shouldn't beep unless something is wrong...mainly cuz it freaks me out a little). How am I supposed to react to that? Here was the guy who's been a protector and a provider for the majority of my life...last time I saw him he was perfectly fine and now he's (temporarily) incapacitated. I still don't really know, it was weird. I just did my best to keep it together (after all, he was going to be fine, no reason to fall apart) and told him I was glad he didn't die. Cuz the more I heard about what happened, the more I realized he very well could have.

Here's the thing about my dad: he is as stubborn as hell (yes, that's where I get it). He started having chest pains on Tuesday...they got pretty severe on Thursday, but he drove to the airport to pick up my Grandma anyway. Then on Friday he woke up and said the pain was so intense he felt like his entire body was on fire. Only then did he tell my mom he thought they should go to the hospital (he hadn't told her anything up until that point). And then, before they left for the ER he was sure to make the bed, shower and then clean the shower. This is my dad, folks. Classic. It's funny because that is sooooooo him, but terrifying because most other people wouldn't have waited that long to get checked out and had he waited any longer, he'd be dead.

*Shudder*

ANYWAY, I didn't have any major epiphanies about how fragile life is or anything like that (although this was definitely a reminder). I did ponder death a little, and how strangely we deal with it, particularly in this culture...but that's another topic for another post. And I was reminded how much I don't like hospitals (they smell funny). But honestly, I don't have anything profound to say. I'm just really, really happy my dad didn't die. Here's to hoping he sticks around for a LONG time. :-)

Updates and other random stuff

Hello kids. I know that many of you are simply DYING to hear about my life right now. Well...here are some important updates:

-Remember when that angry customer said he was going to write a nasty letter about how rude I am? It never came. Bummer.

-The building where I work STILL smells like poo.

-My car no longer smells of skunk. At least, I can't smell it any more. I've even driven friends around in it and they couldn't smell it either. Crisis over.

-Jacob's co-pilot internship got shut down by the FAA b/c they decided it was breaking some rule or regulation blah blah blah. So Jacob is home to stay...I'm THRILLED that he's home, but this definitely throws a wrench in the gears. Now his only option for getting commercial flight hours without flat out paying for them ($250 an hour) is to get his Flight Instructor rating and teach. Not what we had in mind, but it will be ok. There is a VERY slim chance he might be able to finish the program...the company that does it is trying to get approval from the FAA for those who are currently enrolled to finish. But the final ruling on that one is going to take 6 months minimum. For now Jacob is back and working as the managing editor at the magazine where he's been writing articles for the past year and a half. Not his ideal situation, but it'll do for the time being.

-I kind of hate everyone I work with today. Ok, that is completely not true. I kind of hate most everyone I work with today. It's like they've learned all my pet peeves and are deliberately doing all of them to piss me off. So although I know none of them will ever read this (if you work with me and you currently do or ever have read this blog, I am not talking about you), I'm going to make a couple of requests anyway...
#1: If you can see that I'm already on the phone...and particularly if I'm being yelled at by an irate customer...do not try to talk to me. Do not put things on my desk and try to tell me what they are or why you're giving them to me. Do not make hand motions in an attempt to explain it either because quite frankly, you suck at charades. I am busy focusing on my job and cannot devote any attention to you, so you really need to wait until I'm finished to dump your crap on me. I know I'm good at multi-tasking, but I'm humble enough to admit that I'm not THAT good. So just wait until I'm done for crying out loud.
#2: Do not motion for me to come to your desk to help you. Do not say, "Julie come here and fix this." I am not a dog and will not come when you call me. Nor am I your personal problem-solver or slave. If you have a question that you need help with, get off your lazy butt and come ask me. If it actually does require my presence at your desk, have the courtesy to ASK me to come over instead of telling me to. Honestly, the more you demand I come over, the more determined I will be to stay put in my chair.
#3: When you hover, it's creepy. I don't come stand behind you and read over your shoulder without any specific purpose when you're sitting at your desk, so please don't do it to me. On that same note, don't come over to my desk and expect me to entertain you. If you would like to initiate a conversation with me, I welcome it as long as you have something to say. If you come over, I ask you if you need help or have a question and you say "No I'm just bored" and then look at me like I'm supposed to do something about it, I will most likely tell you to go back to your desk and do one of the following: read a book, draw a picture, ponder the meaning of life, or come up with a plan for world peace. If you tell me you don't want to, I will suddenly become very busy working on something on my computer and ignore you until you leave. It's not my job to entertain you and if you've been working here for this long and you haven't figured out that you need to bring stuff to do when there's downtime, you deserve to sit at your desk and watch the seconds endlessly tick by. We are not children here, so stop whining like one.


-And now...politics:
Issue #1: I'd like to make a few comments on the whole "building a mosque/community centre" near Ground Zero business. Now, before everyone gets their panties in a bunch thinking I'm being disrespectful to the victims of 911, let me explain. I mean no disrespect, nor do I wish to dishonor what happened to those people. I remember quite vividly what that day felt like, it's not something I'm likely to ever forget. It was beyond terrible. However...that act of violence was carried out by a group of terrorist extremists. Islam is a HUGE religion with a larger following than Christianity, and the majority of its members are peaceful. It is not right to discriminate against them, they have just as much right to worship as everyone else.


Bottom line is, the property and permits were acquired through the proper legal channels, and refusing to allow the mosque to be built is, in my opinion, wrong. If we consider people of the Muslim faith practicing their religion in a building close to the site of 9-11 (for the record, you can't even see Ground Zero from the building) to be a slap in the face to the victims, survivors and their families...the fences will never be mended and we will never be able to move past what happened.


Issue #2: Burning Qurans is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard and Pastor Terry Jones is a freaking moron who apparently doesn't give a crap about the well-being of our troops. That's all I have to say about that one.

Alright, that's enough from me. Until next time...

I HATE SKUNKS

So I was driving home from work last night...well, technically this morning at 2am...thinking of how great it was going to be to get home to my nice, soft, comfortable bed. It's been a long week and I was exhausted. So I was driving along, being sure to follow all the traffic laws because the Pleasant Grove police have nothing better to do than hide in dark corners and catch people speeding so they can give them tickets. No seriously, that's how it is. So I'm driving, I'm driving, and then...SKUNK!!!!! Right in the middle of the road, there it was. Naturally, I slammed on my breaks. In retrospect I should have just kept going, it was perfectly centered in the lane between my wheels and there's a good chance it would have lived to tell the tale to its little skunk friends. But no, I braked and it scurried...and managed to align itself just perfectly with the right tire of my car.

There was a small "thump" as I ran right over it.

It all happened pretty fast and it took me a minute to process. Wait a sec, did I just kill that skunk??? Don't ask me why, but I felt like I had to make sure so I looped around and drove past the spot where I'd hit it again and sure enough, there it was, dead in the road. SIGH. Obviously there wasn't anything I could do so I just went home feeling horribly guilty. I like animals and am not in the business of killing them. I just hope it was killed instantly and didn't have to suffer. I sadly pulled into my parking space, got out of the car and instantly my nostrils were assaulted with the worst skunk stench I've ever had the horror of sniffing.

Oh nooooooo...my car....

Yeah. Did you know that when you hit a skunk with your car, it bestows all its stink on your vehicle? Well it does.

I ran into my apartment, gagging...and called Jacob because I didn't know what else to do. I was expecting to get his voicemail b/c I assumed he'd be flying, but he actually answered.
Me: What are you doing answering your phone?
Him: What? Why are you calling?
Me: Well I was just going to leave you a voicemail.
Him: Ok, but why are you calling?
Me: I killed a skunk.
Him: You what?
Me: I ran over it on the way home from work and I killed it and the car smells AWFUL.
Him: Oh...
Me: I think the smell is coming into the house. The neighbors are going to be soooo pissed!

Side note: for those of you who don't know, we live in a fourplex...so I was worried that if it was coming into my apartment, surely it was going to make its way into the other 3...

Him: Park the car out on the street.
Me: Do you think I should go to Wal-Mart and get some stuff to wash it off?
Him: What are you going to get?
Me: I dunno, skunk cleaning stuff. Do you think they have that?
Him: Just take it to the car wash tomorrow.
Me: I don't think that will be enough. It's sooooooooooo bad.
Him: It will be fine, don't worry.
Me: Ok well I'll let you go, I just thought I'd tell you so you could call me later if you had any ideas.
Him: Sorry.

I still had no clue what to do...and then I realized that I'm probably not the first person to slaughter a skunk with a car so I hopped online and typed "skunk smell car" into the search field. No friends, I am not the first...there were TONS of suggestions. Various commercial cleaners, lemon juice, tomato juice...one guy was like, "Just leave it, it will go away in a couple of weeks." A couple of weeks??? Uh, no, that is not going to work for me. The one thing I did notice that several people listed was a combination of hydrogen peroxide, baking soda and dish soap...all of which I happened to have in the house. Score.

I mixed it all up, put it in a spray bottle and headed outside with a flashlight, my pepper spray (after all, it was 2:30am at this point) and my car keys. I sprayed the front tire EVERYWHERE...I even moved the car forward a little so I could get the part of the tire that was on the ground. I sprayed until the bottle was empty and was convinced that the smell had started to dissipate a little bit. Only time will tell now. I gathered my things and as I walked past the rear of the car the stench hit me again. Guess what everyone? Cars have two sets of wheels. TWO. And although the front tire made the initial contact with the skunk, the back tire ran over it too. I hadn't even thought to spray the rear tire and it was still stinky as ever back there. Brilliant.

I stomped into the house and grabbed my purse because of course, I had used all my hydrogen peroxide and most of the baking soda. There's a Rite Aid right down the street, they'll at least have the peroxide! I got in the car and drove to what I sadly realized was not a Rite Aid, it was a Walgreens (I should know this, I just filled a prescription there the other day). You know what the difference between Rite Aid and Walgreens is? Rite Aid is open 24 hours, Walgreens is not. FINE! I'll go to Wal-Mart, ya jerks!

I trudged through the doors of Wal-Mart and the greeter cheerfully said, "Good evening, miss!" Part of me wanted to scream, "It's 3:00am and your parking lot smells like skunk thanks to my car, it is NOT a good evening!!!!!!" But instead I smiled and said hello. I grabbed the baking soda and peroxide located the only checkstand that was open and made my way to it. There was a bell sitting on the conveyer belt and the cashier was straightening the magazines.
Him: Have you come to ring my bell?
Me: Uh, yeah, I guess so.
Him: Baking soda and hydrogen peroxide?
Me: Yup.
Him: I hope you're not planning on...blah blah blah

I really have no idea what the dude said, I'm sure it was something clever or nerdy or whatever.

Me: Actually, I ran over a skunk tonight and I read online that mixing these things w/dish soap will get the smell out.
Him: Well baking soda and peroxide will definitely help disable the compound.
Me: (Do you actually know what you're talking about dude?) Good, because my car smells AWFUL.

I got back home, mixed it up again and went outside. I attempted to spray it but it wouldn't come out. I checked the nozzle of the spray bottle, it was open. I tried a few more times in vain so I stomped back into the house to examine it in better light. It appeared that not all the baking soda had dissolved and had accumulated at the bottom of the bottle and clogged the tube thingie...so I had to wash that out, shake it until the soda dissolved and then it finally worked again. I sprayed the hell out of the rear tire and called it good.

I came back inside, threw away the empty peroxide bottles and rinsed the spray bottle before putting it in the diswasher. Then I realized my fingers were starting to hurt. NOW what??? I looked down at my hands and couldn't see anything out of the ordinary until I examined them more closely and realized there were itty bitty bubbles all over the skin on my fingers. Shit, I'm chemically burning my hands! I threw them under the faucet and washed furiously, continuing to curse at myself for not wearing rubber gloves. Fortunately all the little bubbles popped and stopped hurting (they left little red dots, but I woke up this morning and they were gone). Don't play with chemicals using your bare hands, kids, it's dumb.

At this point I was really, really tired. But I'd left the computer on so I figured I might as well check my email before going to sleep. I sat at the desk and as I logged in I realized I could still smell skunk. Oh no, it DID get in the house. Then I realized maybe the smell hadn't seeped though the windows from the car being parked too close...so I sniffed my shirt. Are you kidding me. No, really...are you freaking kidding me??? That's right friends, the smell was on ME.

Trying not to cry, I stripped down and ran into the bathroom with my stinky clothes. I threw my shirt in the sink, turned on the water, grabbed the laundry detergent and poured. I sniffed my pants again...the smell was less strong, so instead of soaking those in detergent I flung them over the shower curtain rod and proceded drench them in extra strengh Febreze. Now came the part I was truly afraid of...was it just on my clothes, or had the smell gotten on my skin and hair as well? I sniffed my slightly burned hands...they smelled like soap. I sniffed my arms, they were fine. Ok. I pulled out my ponytail and sniffed my hair. THANK GOODNESS it still smelled like conditioner!!

As my heart rate slowed down, I put on my pajamas, brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. It was just after 4:00. Paranoia of stinking up my bed led me to sniff my arms and hair a few more times, but fortunately it really was just my clothes. I drifted off to sleep...

...and as I woke up this morning, the memory of my "exciting" evening slowly crept back into my brain and I groaned. I got up and checked my pants. They smell like Febreze. Not Febreze and skunk, just Febreze. Hallelujah. My shirt, after soaking all night, appears to have lost the smell as well although I won't be positive about it until it dries all the way. Then there's the car. The baking soda/hydrogen peroxide/dish soap concoction seems to have done the trick on the back tire, but the front tire still stinks. I suppose that since it's the tire that did the actual killing, that makes sense. It's not nearly as strong as it was last night, but it's definitely still there. I think I'll take it to the car wash later today and maybe give it another dose of the peroxide stuff since I still have a bottle left. Unfortunately the smell made its way into the interior of the car a little bit...I'm trying extra strengh Febreze and letting it sit with the windows cracked, hopefully that gets rid of it.

I wish I could say I learned my lesson and I'll never kill a skunk again, but I can't because I couldn't help that it was in the middle of the road and really, this could happen to anyone. I will say, however, that any guilt I had from killing the damn thing is very much gone as I feel thoroughly and sufficiently punished.

And seriously guys, I hope this never happens to you. Or if it does, that it's not smack dab in the middle of the freaking night.

I'll keep you posted.

"Truths for Mature Humans"

I have no shame...I totally stole this from a friend's blog (thank you, Nate...). But these are hilarious, mostly because they're true (at least, for me they are), so I wanted to share the love.

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

6. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

7. Bad decisions make good stories.

8. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

9. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

10. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

11. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this- ever.

12. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

13. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

17. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

18. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

19. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

20. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

21. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong!

22. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

23. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?

24. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

25. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

26. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

My Little Helper

While Michael is my cuddly cat (and, let's be honest, my lazy cat who will literally sleep ALL day and only wake up to eat), Mariah is the helper kitty. She always wants to see what I'm doing and if she feels it's necessary, she tries to help. Jacob has often had her hold the pages of the book he's reading with her paw...it's really cute. Anyway, yesterday I was changing the sheets on our bed...

...and she hopped up to "help." It's not easy to make your bed when your cat is sitting on it, but I was grateful for her good intentions...silly kitty.

Rantaliciousness

...I know "rantaliciousness" is not an actual word, but I like it so I'm using it...anyway, I'm feeling quite irritated tonight so I'm going to blow some steam by writing out the letters I've been composing in my head since arriving at work. Enjoy. Or feel free to skip this post. Either way I'll still like you.

Dear building where I work,
Do you think you could try not to smell like poo? I know the stupid sewage treatment plant is nearby and that is not your fault, but what happened to those amazing carbon filters which are supposedly so fine they stop the smelly particles from coming through the ventilation system? So far I'm slightly nauseated and really not impressed. I mean, my linen sky scented Febreze initially does a stellar job of masking the stench, but unfortunately after a few minutes it just smells like poopy laundry. Nobody likes poopy laundry. So if you would kindly work on that, my co-workers and I would really appreciate it. You don't even have to smell nice, you can smell like nothing and that's completely fine.
Thanks,
-Julie


Dear jackass in Texas who yelled at me for 15 minutes today,
I look forward to the letter of complaint you're going to mail to the office about how rude I was to you. I'd like to summarize our conversation to aid you in your description of how you were so wrongfully abused.

You: I'm not your customer any more, you can't bill me!
Me: Sir while the monthly billing on your account has been taken over by our sister company, it was our technician who came out to service your alarm system so that's why we billed you that service charge.
You: You need to give me back my f****** money and refund my f****** overdraft fees!
Me: Did you sign the service ticket authorizing the service charge?
You: Yes.
Me: Well I do apologize you're upset, but I really can't refund the money or the overdraft fees.
You: I want to speak to someone above you, you're unbending and not helpful at all.
Me: I apologize sir, my boss doesn't take customer calls. My job is to handle these escalated situations.
You: You can't bill me!
Me: Sir you did sign the service ticket agreeing to the charge.
You: But you didn't have permission to bill me!

--After several minutes of you repeating the above argument--

You: You just don't give a s***! You aren't sympathetic and you f****** don't give a s***!
Me: It's not that I don't care, it's that as a company we did nothing wrong so I can't give you what you're asking for. We billed you for services rendered. Please understand my position, it's not that I enjoy telling you that I can't refund those fees, it's that this is the policy of the company that I have been hired to enforce. Believe me, I would much rather tell you I can refund everything, but the fact of the matter is I simply can't do that.
You: Do you have a survey I can fill out about how f****** rude you are?
Me: No sir, we don't have a survey.
You: Do you have anything you can send me I can fill out and send back to tell your boss about how g****** rude you are?
Me: No sir I don't have anything I can send you.
You: Can I write a f****** letter?
Me: Yes sir, you're welcome to write a letter.
You: What's your f****** name and employee ID?
Me: (gave info)
You: What's the address of your piece of s*** company?
Me: blah blah blah street address...American Fork...
You: ...what the hell is American Fork??
Me: The city where our building is located.
You: That's the stupidest city I've ever heard, what state?
Me: Utah.
You: *chuckling like that explains everything*I've never heard anything good about Utah.
Me: zip code is blah blah
You: Wow, they're REALLY not going to like what I'm writing about you.
Me: Well sir I do apologize if you felt I was being rude, that was not my intent. I was simply trying to answer your questions and I'm sorry you didn't like the answers I gave you.
You: Thank you sooooooooo much for being the least helpful person I've ever talked to.
Me: Ok sir...did you have any other questions you wanted to ask?
You: I'm not recommending your company to anyone, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure everyone knows how s***** your company is and how rude you are.
Me: Alright sir.

So please hurry and get that letter sent, my co-workers and I are going to get a huge kick out of it. Oh yeah, do you know where all the customer complaint letters go? To the customer service supervisors. Perhaps I failed to mention that. And do you know what's going to happen to your letter? 1 of 2 scenarios...the first and most likely being the supervisor who handles incoming mail will open it (unless it arrives on a Friday which is his day off...then it will probably come to me first), read it, note your account w/what it said and how we're still not going to cave to your demands since legally we don't have to, and then after he shares it with the other supervisors and we all have a good laugh, I will scan it into the system and give it to the file room to be placed in your file where nothing else will be done. The second and very unlikely scenario would be that it does actually get to my boss, who will then listen the call, pull me into his office and we will both have a grand time making fun of you and talking about how you're a complete tool. Maybe you could send it via FedEx overnight delivery and expedite the fun!
Screw you,
-Julie


Dear former co-worker who quit w/out notice because I wrote you up for violating multiple company policies and because another supervisor told you that actually, you're not the MVP of the call center and everyone here (including supervisors) is 100% replaceable,
First off, I wrote you up because that's my job. When you break important rules...such as, don't blatantly flirt w/the techs because it causes huge problems (like the time you got totally wigged out because that one tech kept asking for you and kept hanging up on everyone who wasn't you)...I have to write you up. Heeeeeey and remember how you told everyone you had to quit your last job because all the guys in the office were hitting on you? Do you really think the same problem happening to you at this job is purely coincidental? Stop being a whore.
And if you really thought that telling me you didn't know that deliberately making up important data on an account b/c the tech didn't want to ask the customer for the correct info is something you weren't supposed to do, you're a bigger idiot than I thought. Seriously.
As for the other supervisor telling you that you're not God's gift to the call center, I just have one question: have you ever actually worked in a call center before or are you really that arrogant? Because when you work for a company where your training consists of sitting in a huge room and learning the same exact thing as 20 other people, that does not mean you're special.
I was slightly offended but extremely relieved when I heard about your dramatic exit.
Oh...and your name is stupid.
-Julie

*Sigh of relief at having successfully vented*

Yeah, I know I can be nasty (but I say kudos to me for having enough self-control not to say this to anyone's face...and knowing that no one I talked about here has any idea I even have a blog, let alone what the URL is). And I'm really beginning to think I probably won't last at this job for more than another year or so. Despite my other post about having a sliver a hope that not everyone in this country throws a temper tantrum if they don't get their way...a sliver is only a tiny piece of the pie, and this lady likes her portions large. Uh, yeah. Not sure how effective that metaphor is, but now I'm craving banana cream...

ANYWAY, I'm signing off...thanks for reading and if you didn't, I don't blame you. Seriously, I don't. :-) Happier things next time I hope!

Dear Adam...

...I rather like this new single of yours, but do you think for your next video, you could get a haircut? That would be really, really good.

Love,
Julie

And the status of my soul is...

I'm getting to the point at work where my soul is feeling extra dead (yeah, I need to take some time off...I haven't had a day off other than weekends since January). And lately I've become increasingly alarmed and disgusted by the American public and what feels like everyone's inability/unwillingness to accept responsibility for themselves. It's very hard to keep my end of the conversation professional when someone is yelling at me about how it's the company's fault that the sales representative who sold them their system failed to tell them about certain terms and conditions of their contract, even though said terms are printed in black and white right in front of their face. And I'm not talking about the fine print on the back, either. I get yelled at on a regular basis for things that are right on the front, usually in bold letters. When I ask these people if they read the contract, I often get the same answer: "NO I did not read it because I was trusting what YOUR representative told me!"

Ok. Here's the thing...I am all too aware that there is a reason why door to door salesman have the reputation that they do. Unfortunately, while there are many who are honest...there are probably more who are not. HOWEVER, having said that, I think that it is the customer's responsibility as a consumer to actually READ things before they sign them. And anyone who signs a big ole' legal-sized document without reading at least the front of it is a complete moron. I truly do find it appalling that people genuinely expect me to allow them to breach their contract without penalty on the grounds that they didn't bother to read it (I'd also like to point out that if they don't read it when they sign it, they have 3 business days after signing where they can cancel w/out penalty, so they have plenty of time to read it and cancel if they find something they don't like).

But I digress...back to my soul being dead. So the past few days at work I've been feeling extra discouraged by the stupidity of the American public. But today, I can assure you that a sliver of my soul is still alive and well, and hope remains that not every customer we have is an idiot. My co-worker was checking out some of our reviews online (after an escalated call in which a customer told him he'd found over 10,000 negative complaints about us online...yeah, we have around 450 w/the BBB, most of which have been resolved...), and he stumbled across this little gem on alarmsystemreviews.com, which truly made my freaking day:

I have been doing business with Platinum Protection for over two years now and have had nothing but professionalism from them. I've read some of these other reviews and have to think that most of the people who have complaints are those same people wondering where their Nigerian puppies and British Lottery winnings are.
Are you seriously upset because a company's CEO won't talk to you and listen to your rant? What CEO takes phone calls? You can't talk to ADT's, Monitronics', SAI's, Brink's or any other companies' executive level. Try calling Microsoft and asking for Bill Gates. He's not even the CEO and I bet you don't get to speak with him. Most CEO's hire people to take CS calls for them. They aren't secretaries, they have a specific job to do. Maybe the reason you can't talk to anyone beyond a supervisor is because unlike other companies where you have to be transferred to four to five differnet people before finding someone who can make a decision, Platinum trusts their reps and supervisors to uphold company policy AND serve their customers.
To the people that complain about the sales pitch: Be a grown-up and take responsibility for your actions. If you sign a contract without reading it then you're an idiot.
To the people who need some help with the CS department: I've never had a problem, mainly because I researched the equipment and read the contract. But on the rare occasion when I need service done I've had the pleasure of speaking with Christopher in the service department, Michael, Jared and Julie in customer service. All of these people represented themselves and their company extremely well.
Bad experiences are just mirrors of the way we treat the people around us. Were you professional, calm and speak with common courtesy, or did you yell, scream and swear, threatening lawsuits unless you get your way? If you did the latter than you were probably treated as hostile and given the base-line policy. Have any of you ever done their job, or worked in the food industry? I manage a restaurant, and I'm here to tell you people are jerks. It's like dealing with little kids all day. So the next time you call, remember the golden rule and treat the rep answering the phone like you want to be treated, I promise they will change your mind.

YES! An intelligent customer! Someone who understands the importance of being a responsible adult (Oh and yes, that "Julie" is me)! So thank you, anonymous poster with the positive review, you have restored a little bit of my faith in the American public.

A Bad Movie Sampler

So, my friend has recently started a blog critiquing the awful movies he watches (see Cinematic Casualty in my list of crazy bloggers...). I have been present for 3 out of the 4 he's reviewed thus far and have come to the realization that there really never will be a shortage of awful movies to write about. And every time you think you've found the worst movie ever, there will surely be another one that comes along to knock it out of first place. I'm grateful, because otherwise we'd never have things like Mystery Science Theater 3000 (which I enjoy tremendously) but I'm also horrified that people actually get funding and actors to make these pieces of junk.

Anyway, here's a taste of just a few that we've been watching lately (and if you haven't already, see the video I posted from Troll 2, which still ranks as #1 on my list of worst movies ever made)...

First we have the Wishmaster series (check out the Cinematic Casualty blog for a full review of I, III and IV...we're still working on finding II). If you ever have the opportunity to make a wish from a Djinn, be sure you have your attorney present to put it in writing, otherwise the result most likely will be the very loosest and most gruesome interpretation of what you actually requested. And you may be attacked by "scary" monsters not unlike this fella...

Uh, yeah. "RUN! IT'S A BUNCH OF BLOODY BONES THAT WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO OVERPOWER!" Horrifying.

Then we have The Curse of King Tut's Tomb." Unfortunately (cough cough), I wasn't able to see the end of this puppy due to having to work, but if I had to sum it up I'd say it's the worst Indiana Jones rip off I have ever seen. And the only one, really. But still, it was BAD.

And most recently..."WHAT ARE THOSE???" you're asking? Well, I will tell you. They're giant leeches, courtesy of the amazing studio that brought us Komodo vs. Cobra.

Tell me, if the Army was working with a bunch of scientists trying to make jumbo-corn in an effort to feed the world and decided to see if the same stuff that makes giant plants would work on animals, wouldn't it be more logical to try it on something more docile like, say, a bunny? Or a hamster? No. You'd be wrong. Apparently using a couple of highly venomous reptiles is a better idea. Geniuses.

......................

So there you have it. I will leave the actual reviewing to my friend, but if you're ever in the mood for some really horrible films, these definitely fit the bill. :-)

Happy Father's Day!

My dad is awesome too (do you love how the only pics I have of my parents are from my wedding? Sheesh).

WORST.MOVIE.EVER

...no seriously, this is the worst movie I've ever seen. The plot, the acting...AWFUL.

Oh and Holly...the leotard-clad/awesome dance moves older sister...yeah, that's the chick from The Singles Ward.

Enjoy.

Apology

Dear everyone who has called me, texted me, e-mailed me or otherwise contacted me and I have failed to respond...also to those I have promised to contact in any of the ways listed here but have not done so,

I sincerely apologize.

Between dealing with my stress-filled job, preparing myself for the fact that starting next week I will only see my husband once every month or two as he will be living in a completely different state for the next year...and, of course, experiencing the emotional roller-coaster that is this lovely infertility situation...I really haven't been up for much...of anything.

I'm not trying to whine and I hope this doesn't come across as me throwing myself a big ole' pity party because that's not how I roll. I love you all and I always appreciate your kind words, your support and your friendship. I'm just in a weird place...someplace I've never been before...and for the time being I prefer to be here alone (if it makes anyone feel better, at least my negligence isn't discriminatory, right?).

So I wanted to say I'm sorry for not being the type of friend that I usually am. And I also wanted to reassure everyone that I'm not sitting in a black suicidal hole of despair...despite what my lack of contact might look like I am ok, I promise. I just really gotta figure this out on my own. I will try to do better though, so please don't give up on me. :-)

Here We Are

Well friends...

This is it. Go big or go home...we're bringing out the big guns and giving it all we've got. I hope the payout is a big one. But if not, at least I'll know. Part of what drives me so incredibly crazy is not knowing...it's trying to keep hope alive all while having my dreams cruelly and repeatedly smashed in front of my face. So even if things don't go the way I want them to, at least I will have some sort of closure. I will have given it literally everything I have and to finally know, even if the pain is awful and the healing is long, will be a relief. Roughly 2 more months and it will be done in one way or another.

It's absolutely terrifying and exciting at the same time.

...what do you say to taking chances?
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold or hell to pay
What do you say,
What do you say?

I say...bring it.

I'll keep you posted.

Take 2

Ok this is the letter I actually sent to Studio 5...I cleaned it up a bit...

Dear KSL's Studio 5,

Question...what in the world made you think it was a good idea to air a story on how to cope with infertility featuring a woman who has a child? No, I did not miss the part where you went over how she struggled for a long time to conceive and went through a couple failed rounds of in vitro which I'm sure was very traumatic...but then she got pregnant on her own so...what gives? What, pray tell, are those of us who are still childless and rapidly having to face the possitility (if it hasn't been concluded already) that we may never have biological children, supposed to learn from this? That after we've spent thousands of dollars on failed treatments there's still hope? That maybe we'll be lucky enough to experience some kind of miracle like she did? And how exactly did you expect us to feel when she tearfully expressed how hard it is to tell her little boy that he might never have a sibling? Are we supposed to feel bad that she may be stuck with just one child while some of us could very likely end up with no children at all? No seriously, please tell me because I'm REALLY not understanding how this is supposed to help me or anyone else in my position.

Truly, I felt that story was in extremely poor taste...shame on you! While that woman did have some good advice and suggestions, you featuring her as some kind of expert on acceptance is absolutely and insensitively ridiculous. Because when it comes down to it, she had to "accept" the fact that she was infertile for what, a few years tops? Yeah yeah yeah, she has to accept the fact that she may never have another child but seriously lady, be grateful for what you have because there are PLENTY of people who will never have that joy. And as far as I know, we childless couples would be perfectly happy with just one child. Studio 5, did you honestly think we'd relate to that or were you just rubbing salt in our wounds?

I don't think it's unreasonable of me to ask that you take more than 2 seconds to freaking THINK about the stories you cover before you actually air them. Maybe next time you could, you know, talk to someone who is CURRENTLY dealing with infertility and see how they would respond to your "dealing with hard stuff" feature. Because quite frankly, you made it worse.

Hurtfully and angrily signed,
Julie